Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Biggus Dickus: Part 2

Whoa.

He just told D11 to go get her coat because they were leaving for his parents' house.

D11 handled it brilliantly. I had no idea. I'm in the classroom with a student...She came in while he was outside.

D11: I told him, "In what world is it ok to surprise me with these plans?"

He, apparently, backed off, they are still here. Poor kid. But, she handled it. :-)

I'm sure I will get blamed.

This child is making me so proud. She wants so badly to go to the One Direction concert in Detroit. She has passed out flyers in the neighborhood to earn extra money and earned $100 so far.

This morning, I bought four tickets (one for me, one for her and two for her friends). She paid for hers and she is going to keep giving me money for mine. Her friends are paying for their own.

I bought the tickets after she completed her jobs this morning and she handed me the money she had earned this week. Probably shouldn't have done it while Smokey was here, but who cares. She was really thrown by his "Get your coat" comment. I'm glad I could give her something like this.

Wait, I need to clarify. I do feel a bit guilty because I interfered with his time with D by purchasing the tickets while he was here. That was unfair.

She was putting pressure on me because she was afraid the seats she wanted would get sold since it was the weekend. I could have purchased the tickets and told her afterwards. I hurt for as I watched her dealing with this awkward sitch with her dad and, then, the inlaw thing and I buckled because I felt powerless to help my daughter. I hurt for her and hated seeing her hurting.

I am holding my breath on details I could give her while her dad is here. I will tell her later.

I just want him to leave. He is now sitting on the couch with a scowl on his face because he didn't get his way. I can almost see him coming up with all the ways I upset his day today.

Visit is over.

D11 is a bit shaken. She spoke her truth and it was scary. He asked why she didn't want to go see her grandparents and she was honest. She said she doesn't feel like she knows them anymore. Then, he said he was coming next week and she responded, "that's not two weeks."

It's hard to tell the truth with these MLC-ers. I'm so proud of her for being honest.

Before he left, he asked very nicely if I received the tax stuff. He said, "I wasn't trying to sneak one by." I laughed and told him I appreciate it, but hopes he can understand my skepticism after so much has passed under the bridge.

I was pleasant and too friendly after realizing he was not Angry Smokey, but friendly Smokey. I hate that I do that. I let that lil girl out when she gets giddy like Smokey might be coming back!! That's where she goes--she misses him and jumps when she sees a glimpse of him. Got my hopes up for a second or two.

I meet with atty to finalize docs on Thurs. Will have the papers ready send prob on Frid.

Breathe! The visit is over and sounds like everything went well. I'm glad your daughter is speaking up and actually telling him what is on her mind. He's hearing it right from her and not you. So, it will give him plenty to think about and maybe next time he'll speak to her ahead of time about going places and not waiting until he's actually in the room with her.

Things will get better in time. It's always painful and hurtful when dealing w/the MIA spouses, but in time, once everything is settled and finalized, the stress will be over and you and your girls can move forward and create a new life for all.

Thank you Job. I hope so.

Right now, all I feel is hurt. How could he have left? How could he choose someone else?

He was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He is such a disappointment. He ruined such a good thing.

Just need to get it out, then move forward.

I never wanted this. I hate it.

But, in the spirit of the glass is half full...my daughter is learning how to speak up for herself even when she is scared. This sorta speaking up against my unhealthy H and unhealthy inlaws would never have happened without the last two years. She only feels free to do so because they have ALL finally shown their true ugly colors and that has validated my daughters in their life long suspicions that these weren't safe people.

D11 has called Smokey's mom the "mean grandma" since she was two. Previously, was still forced to see her. Now, that isn't the case. A gift from Smokey?? The ability to call it like it really issss????

Heard Aerosmith's What it Takes in the car with D11. It was all I could do to stop from balling my eyes out. Remembered the Aerosmith concert tickets I surprised him with and...GAWD this hurts. Letting someone go really hurts, especially when it's not what you want.

Ya know I hope karma gets these guys for all those moments when we had to hold it together for the kids and they were free to feel Whatever. Jerks.

I just need to vent some. I'm hurt and sad and full of emotion tonight and D11 won't shut up. Ending this relationship with this man is so much harder than I thought it would be at this stage.

Still moving forward, but I'm acknowledging these feelings.

I love D11 sooooo much, but, when all this emotion comes up and she just talks and talks and talks and talks about everything and nothing until my brain feels like it's going to explode. She needs, sometimes, to make a remark about EVERYTHING. I'm venting here and trying to let it all go.

Last night, I dreamt my sister was in town and she ran into Smokey and OW at a restaurant together. Smokey was all dressed up in his teenage attire. They saw them again the next night at another restaurant. All I could think was, "How does he afford to go out night after night???" But, the feelings from the dream were deep hurt and pain from his relationship with this woman.

At one point, the neighbors yard had caught on fire and I called the firemen. (This is actually really telling. Our woods DID catch fire about 15 years ago. The woods caught fire because our neighbors had started a leaf fire on a really windy day during a drought. Anyway, I couldn't get a hold of Smokey because he was using at the time and he was "out and about." I had to call the firemen and handle the fire myself. It was really frustrating. Not so scary, but frustrating because there was an emergency and Smokey was MIA. Like he often was...

Back to the dream...Smokey showed up with two vehicles he had recently purchased (subconscious working on the $24,000). He was trying to pursue me and didn't want to let me go completely and there were two other men there I was dating and some family friends.

I was trying to ignore Smokey and force myself to NOT WANT him there. I knew he was bad for me and bad for the situation and I knew he was with OW and just meant lots of pain...I was trying to force myself to push him away and push away the hurt. I felt so low and down. I had been spending my days in bed.

Part of me wanted him to stay, but stay and help, not just stay and hurt us. I took a hose and put the fire out so our house wasn't threatened. I did it without anyone's help. The fireman came and the threat was averted, without Smokey's help.

Then, my mom was at the hairdressers and she said I had embarrassed myself again by texting Smokey. She said the hair salon was all talking about me and Smokey.

At the end of the dream, I was buying myself a nice outfit and getting my hair done. It felt nice. I was setting the hairdresser straight about what had really happened with Smokey. And, I felt better because everyone knew the truth from me. Then, I was honest at the store where I bought the clothes, I told the shop ladies that I was tired and in pain from my marriage. The shop ladies were nice and helped me find a great outfit so I felt better.

Then!! I went on vacation. I felt like I was taking care of myself in the dream and relaxing. I guess that's a good sign. But, there was lots of pain before I reached the point of vacation and new clothes and new hair...At least the dreams are ending on a good note :-)