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Spinning like crazy this morning. I hate this feeling...

Bright,
Keep your focus on your new job. As for the drum set, if you feel comfortable w/him coming to the home and picking the set up, then do so. It's just a drum set and something he thinks he needs right now to take his attention off of himself and his issues.

Keep moving forward.

I'm sorry you are spinning Bright. Breathe deeply.

You are making great strides...with the job especially!!! Just breathe, you've had a lot of pressure and it's easing up. Maybe some growing pains??

Just a thought -
Let him come get the drums while you're out.
Hang some sexy new Victoria's Secret undies from the shower rod.
Leave two glasses of half-drunk wine in a cozy place, somewhere that you might have entertained a "gentleman friend".
Put a dozen red roses in a vase with a card that says "Thanks for last night"

Okay, I'm naughty, I know.

I've done this!

I've had the two wine glasses and candles out on the deck (it was for my BFF but he didn't know that!)

I won't lie, but I won't set him straight either. I know when it bugs him because he is compelled to ask.

He assumes my friend "Pat" is a guy (wrong), that sort of thing. Pat has sent me many cards... "You always know where to find me" kind of messages. I just--leave them around.

And recently I ordered a few things from Amazon and they came in a box marked "Siren Lingerie" or something like that.
I loved the look on his face!

I'm not at the point yet where I want to wear lingerie for anyone but me, but hey, whatever works, right?

Thanks everyone for coming to my rescue. I feel much better.

I was actually thinking to set up something like that - underwear or flowers. But I thought it would be against DB rules. kml, are you serious about that? Because I would totally do that. And it would give me much releif.

GoatGal, I will stop by your thread later.

I'm serious about that - IF you think he's taking it for granted that he could just waltz back into your life if he wanted, and IF you don't have any history of infidelity yourself.

Just make sure that everything is potentially deniable or explainable - so maybe no note on the flowers - just a dozen red roses

Thanks kml. I bought some flowers on the way home. I am going to leave some underwear in unusual places. Can’t think of anything else… I don’t have any history of infidelity, I was always a very loyal wife. I doubt that he will be asking about anything, even if I would leave very obvious evidence. I think he is very much into himself now and doesn’t care about me at all. He wants to come to collect his drums when I’m not home, so it means he doesn’t want to see me.

He is very selfish now. We have brush fires in the area and my house is somewhat close. The fires here can spread very fast, so some areas (including my) are on the alert for evacuation. My GF who owns the bar is at the vacation home place this week, and I guess she was checking out the news about the fires. So, I got a call from H (let it go to the voice mail) asking me about what is going on here. He and my GF are at the local bar, with some other people, celebrating H’s departure for work, LOL. So, in the voice mail he asks me to call him back as soon as I can, so he could figure out if he needs to drive to pick his drums tomorrow. I called him back and he asked me to let him know in the morning if there are any changes in the situation, so he could decide if he needs to drive through my city or not. There is no concern about me or my house, he is only concerned about his stupid drums.

So, I’m trying to come up with more ideas on how to plant some “evidence” of my great life. I think that he does think that I’m not going anywhere. He can stop by the house and pick up yet another thing he wants and leave other stuff for later.

So, I’m spinning again… I did plant some “evidence” in the house last night, and I was hoping that by the time I come home from work, the d@mn drums would be gone along with H. I called him right after 7 am this morning because he asked me to, so he would know whether to drive here or not. He answered the phone and I immediately knew he was still sleeping and sounded very hang over. No kidding, they had a celebration for him on the previous night. I kind of knew that it would play out this way, but still thought that I could be wrong and he was not drinking himself to death anymore.

I told him that the fires were under control and there were no evacuation orders for my area. He thanked me and said that he would head over here later. I was at the meetings all day at work, so I missed his call at about 3 pm. He left a voice mail saying that he just got into the city and was going to meet his brother for a drink, and then come to the house to collect his drums. He then he asked if that would cause any issues for me to let him know. I didn’t call him back.

I got home and got a voice mail from his brother. I could not quite understand what he was saying, so I called him back. Then I still could not understand all of it, because he was at the restaurant and it was noisy. What I gathered from this conversation is that H wanted to know if he should stop by the house this evening or tomorrow morning before I go to work. I said that I would prefer tonight, but my BIL said that he doesn’t know when they would be back from dinner and drinks. So, he kind of insisted that H would come tomorrow morning. I am not sure if I understood it correctly, but why his brother was calling me and not him? Is there something I’m missing?

So, I don’t know if I need to be angry or patient. My blood pressure rises when I’m under stress, and this IS stressful for me. I need it to be over. Now I have to live in anticipation of this unpleasant visit tomorrow morning. I don’t know why H is doing this to me. I started to analyze again. Maybe he told me that he wanted to stop by the house when I’m not home to check if would still be ok with him being in the house without me. Maybe he wanted to check if I’m involved with somebody and would not want him to wonder around the house. Or, did he decide to see me in person? It is probably neither and he is just a selfish SOB and is doing what is convenient for him.

I was so hoping that by the time I’m home it would be over. I was actually thinking how much relieve it would bring and how much happier I would be. I’m really getting to the point when I just want to “cut the cord” once and forever, so I don’t have to go through these anxiety attacks every time he wants something from me. Maybe my family and my GFs are right and I need to do this.

Bright,
Breathe! I hope everything goes well this morning. Maybe he will come after you are on your way to work and you won't have to deal w/him.

I'm glad your home is safe and it's one less worry for you.

Please take care of yourself. Focus on you and your work and leave your h to the man upstairs.