Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Looking up at the mountain ahead

BTW, Wonka, I LOVE this. In all the action of last night, this little nugget slipped by me. But I *will* be using it next time it's needed:

"H, I know you can figure this out yourself. I have confidence that you will be able to do this."

One MORE thing I should add: H *did* say last night (same thing he said when he came back in 2005): "Train, I loved you all along."

This ^^^ had me smiling in my office when I read this just now!



. . . and then THIS ^^^ had me doing this stage-whisper "YES! YESSS!!!" thing and pumping my fist in the air!!

And then THIS:



. . . had my CLAPPING MY HANDS, OUT LOUD, IN MY OFFICE!!!! Woot! Woot!!!! Where's that STANDING OVATION emoticon???

And then Wonka beat me to the punch, but I'll do it anyway:





Yes, it's the HIGHLY coveted "Puppy's 4-Whistles Award." Not available in stores.


I think I may -- if I have your permission? -- link to your thread, for some others to follow. Cuz THIS . . . is how it's DONE, people.


A+


Starsky

fwiw, I agree with 100% of what Wonka said above, and Wonk beat me to the punch by saying "Yes, you're expecting to much" and then YOU answered what I was going to say when you correctly saw that it's your H's ACTIONS -- and not his WORDS/DEMEANOR -- at this stage.

Look, I'll be blunt, Train -- for somewhere between 33% and maybe 60% of the people, that remorse/contrition/"begging-back-into-the-marriage" thing NEVER HAPPENS. And not every formerly LBS is okay with that, and THAT is okay if you're not -- if you need it, you should TELL him (at some point, soon, but not now) that you do. But it may never come.

You're going to have to decide if you're OK with that, or if it's a dealbreaker for you. I would encourage you to continue to focus on his ACTIONS, however, and not his attitude or even his words.


Starsky

Hahahahaha. Yay!!! Well, I only thought of you with EVERY good catch phrase I used. THANK YOU!!!

And, yes, OF COURSE you can link up to my thread!!!

I just hope, hope, hope there's more good news a-comin'.


I don't really need deep remorse. As long as his actions continue to show he's coming around, I'll be good with that.

OW has texted him again today. He came here after work to pick up the kids for time at the park. He's NOT in a good mood; veryyyyy tired. But he showed me the texts. She's still freaking out and laying the guilt on him big time. He says he has no second-thoughts ...

I am so happy for you!! I have followed your posts all along but will be going back and rereading so maybe I can learn more!

Thank you, twinmom! My journey is nowhere near over. These situations are the pits. I'm still thinking of you and will be back around to peek in on others' threads as soon as I get over the initial "shock" of this latest development in my sitch ...

Okay, folks, time for a NC letter. I need advice.

Here's what we have so far:

OW,

As I've already explained, our relationship is over. It was a mistake, built on lies and deceit, and it hurt my wife and children very much. I am committed to Train and my children and to repairing my relationships with them.

Do not contact me any more. I will also not be contacting you.

I have committed to being fully open, honest and transparent with Train about my affair with you. To that end, any attempts on your part to contact me – if you choose not to respect my wishes of no-contact - will be immediately shared with my wife, just as I've openly shared with her the texts you've sent this week.

Sincerely,

H

I don't think you need to change a word.

Make sure that YOU either mail it, or you go with him to do so -- the idea being to make sure he doesn't add any "softening" handwritten notes onto it or something.


Starsky

Got it. Thank you, Starsky.

He just brought lunch for the kids and me, and he's talking about how to financially make everything work until he can find work in the mountains. We have a lot of VERY tough decisions to make. But we MUST put our M before ANYTHING else. And me moving to the mountains with him staying behind, if we're committed to our M (and both of us say we are), would be detrimental to our efforts to work things out, IMO. I'll get into those a little later.

But for now:

If OW doesn't have a mailing address right now (I think she's "bouncing" until she rents a place, according to texts between her and H and a couple weeks ago), THEN what? They've always communicated strictly by text. So I may have no choice but to be with him when he sends the note to her in text??

Here's another kicker, and I need some advice on this one: He bought her an iPhone. He wants it back. He told her, in the text he sent her this week, that he did not want to meet with her, as she was proposing. He told her, instead, to drop the phone off at the front desk of his apartment complex. She is outright refusing; I saw the texts. She said she WILL NOT drop the phone off and will only give it back to him if he meets with her.

I told H today that he has two choices:

1. Either let the phone go and work something out with the phone company for the bill, or ...
2. Meet her, but I'll be going with him.

I know EXACTLY what that wh0re is up to. And H says I'm "probably right."

So, how do I handle THAT little nugget?

Like the NC letter!