You would want to do the right thing and be honest with the second company that you've accepted an offer from another one in which you'll start on Monday.
What are your values in terms with working for a company?
1) Long-term prospects 2) Health insurance 3) Autonomy 4) Team work 5) Working independently 6) More money 7) Company matched funds into retirement 8) Company culture 9) Team/division 10) Manager/Supervisor
You need to go with what you feel is the best fit for YOU.
Do you feel strongly about the second job offer? Is it something you would rather do than the first one? The first one- you seem excited about it and energetic to start. Is the work itself different? More interesting to you? Challenging in different ways?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Wonka, you are absolutely right, I needed to be honest and tell them that I already accepted another offer. Honesty is always the best policy. I went to the interview just to see what is out there and what they had to offer. I didn’t expect them to be so “in love” with me. Now I feel bad about not telling them up front about my other offer.
They actually sent an offer to me today and the benefits package. It is similar to the first offer. There are some advantages working for the first company, but there are other advantages working for the second one too. I liked people who interviewed me in both companies. And these are both good companies.
So, after some thinking I decided to keep the original offer. I’m sending a declining letter to the second one.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Well done Bright! I am so happy that you made a decision you are excited about! So do you start next Monday?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Bright, I'm glad you opted to stick with the first offer. You just never know what the first job may have to offer until you are actually an employee.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy Mother’s Day to all amazing, strong, beautiful Moms!
We did some power shopping with my GF last weekend. We also had some relaxing time and lots of conversations. She is dating now, and oh boy, what a different prospective she has. She stopped pressuring me to “cut the cord” with H and started asking some interesting questions. I was actually able to give her some DB advice.
Then I had a very busy week. Started my new job on Monday. The company had a lot of events dedicated to the first quarter results. I even won a portable grill in a raffle! Not bad for the start, ha.
My friends (from vacation home place) came back from their trip to Europe on Thursday. I had to scramble to get my house ready for them and cook some food. I had to go to work on Friday and they stayed in the house and did some errands. When I came home from work, they were preparing food for barbeque and as soon as I walked in the door I was handed a cocktail drink. It was very nice. We set outside while my male friend was cooking. We were drinking and talking. My male friend expressed once again how lucky I was living in this city and this house, and how he still doesn’t understand why H left all of this.
They were supposed to go home on Saturday, but my GF wanted to stay one more day to spend more time with me. Apparently H expected them to be home on Saturday and wanted to come over with some pork chops to cook.
They left this morning. My house is a disaster after the baby running around with food and spilling milk all over the place.
H called on Wednesday and left a message (I was at the meeting at work) to ask our male friend to call him when they arrive and asked me to pick up some electrical sign from his brother. This sign belonged to H’s Dad and he wanted our friends to bring it over with them, since it would not feet in H’s car (our friends have a van.) I called H back in a few hours and left a message that I would make sure to get that sign from his brother. He called me in the evening saying that he didn’t understand part of my message where I said that I was not sure if our friends were arriving on Thursday or Friday, since I got some conflicting messages from them. The conversation was mostly about this. He also told me that his work situation changed and he will be driving to the state where he works this week. He still wants to pick up his drums. I asked him when he will be coming and that I will be at work. He said that he doesn’t need me to be home, because he only wants to pick up the drums. He asked of it would be ok for him to come over and told me that he has a key to the house, then he asked me if I changed the key. I said no. I asked him to give me a call before he comes.
I’m still not sure if I should allow him to come to the house without me. I don’t feel comfortable. I think I’m going to tell him that he has to wait for me to get home. On the other side, I’m not looking forward to watching him loading his drums into his camper. I had enough stress already, starting a new job, him calling me and our friends visiting. I had some old wounds to reopen again. Maybe I should put the drums in the garage. I still think that he still would come into the house using some other excuse. I have a feeling that he would be curious to check it out.
So, here I am again, having these emotions of grief and regret and sadness. I hope it will pass after I deal with H this week, and I will settle down for my new life. I think my friends visit had a lot to do with it as well. It is just impossible to have a conversation without mentioning H in some way. I’ve learnt some more stuff. I am almost certain now that H is firmly in replay with no signs of it ending anytime soon. My GF told me that she thinks that H is looking for a mother figure to get some attention. She said that he expects her and her H to take care of some things that he is completely capable of taking care of on his own. He also wants to hang around and have dinners at their house, but doesn’t want any responsibility of helping to clean or do anything. He just wants to have fun and party.
On a positive note, I got an unexpected ally in my GF (mutual friend.) She told me that she was glad that neither of us is pursuing an official divorce. I asked her why and she told me that she has this hope that we will get back together. She wants us to get back together. She understands that H is at a different place right now, but she hopes that one day he will realize what he might lose for good and that it will not be too late.
I will post more later. My son wants to take me out for lunch today. I don’t expect anything from H, since he didn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day last year. I will also catch up on other threads. I’ve been trying to keep up, but I cannot read this site at work.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
You certainly had a busy week, i.e., shopping, working and friends coming to visit. I like the fact that you won a grill. What a way to start off a new position! LOL!
I'm glad your GF isn't pressuring you to file. You need someone in your corner that you can talk to about these things, i.e., just as she needs you to be there for her.
I would be a little hesitant allowing him to come into your home for the drums. Even though he said he only wants the drums, you don't know what else his "sticky fingers" may touch and opt to take as well. I think you are on to something by thinking he should come over when you are there. You can always be in another part of the house as he loads his drums up.
Bright, he's got a ways to go and if the drums will make him happy, then so be it.
Enjoy your special day and I hope the work week is a more settled one for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy Mother's Day to you too Bright!! I am so happy to hear about your job - it sounds like you had a great first week.
I am also glad you found an ally in your GF. It can be so hard to constantly feel alone in the real world in your stand.
Let us know how it goes with the drums. It does seem more prudent to be around when he comes to get them. You can do this :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Job, Busting, thanks for the advice. I’ve been experiencing some anxiety for the last couple of days and today was the worst. I just don’t want to deal with these stupid drums.
Job, I’m not worried that he would take something else. He is not that kind of guy in spite of his MLC. And even if he would take something, I would not care much. I can replace things, as long as he doesn’t take something that would signify some memory for me. I just don’t want him to wonder around the house and check my stuff.
I’ve been thinking about this all day. What if I tell him that I don’t want him in the house while I’m out and he decides to limit my access to the vacation home? I have all kinds of thoughts rushing through my mind and it drives me crazy. I wish I would be done with it already. I don’t need this extra stress right now, I need to concentrate on work. I think I have until tomorrow to decide and let him know if he needs to come in the evening when I’m home from work. It seems like I’m unable to make the decision, I just want to put my head in the sand and make this issue to go away.
I feel like a lot of anger is rising inside of me and I am almost ready to tell him to just get lost and never contact me again, except for legal matters. I cannot believe I married this man. According to my friends, he is still trying to pick up the trashy women and be friends with the once who drink heavily and behave like teenagers. My male friend also told me that H was talking about selling the condo and moving to a poor neighborhood in Mexico into one of the shacks, because it would be a lot cheaper. How low can this man go?
He is going to take the drums to his buddy’s house and have parties over there. I’m just wondering how long it will last. His obsession with the sand rail only lasted for so long.
I’m going to have a drink… Maybe tomorrow I will make my decision about him coming or not coming to the house without me.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
