Thanks so much everyone. Such a great group of people on this board. I had a bad case of the sads Mon & Tues and I'm feeling rather kicky today.
H sent a text saying that all he really wanted was one of the 2 dogs and that 3 kids full time, my job, an old house on 3 acres, and 2 dogs were just too much for me,(I'm about to use sarcasm so don't 2x4 me:) so he wanted to take a dog off my hands. Noble of him. Done with the sarcasm...
I've been thinking and I have been pulling h along for years trying to make him happy and better. If only x...If only y....Nope. Shame on me. I also have a tendency to think I am wonder woman and I'm not. I do try to instill in my kids the importance of independence, a strong work ethic, and that there are consequences to our actions. I've been doing a much better job of just being. If I want to read a sleazy celeb gossip site, I read them. When I want to smell the flowers or see if I can decipher a pattern in the clouds, I take a moment to do so. If the socks don't always match (and they don't) out of the dryer, it's all good.
I'm okay. So my family doesn't look exactly the way I wanted it to and that stings. I could have done some things differently. Could have focused on my m more. Could have , would have, should have. I will continue to work on me. Can't fix anyone else and I no longer want to engage in fixing behaviors. I have these 3 amazing kids that make me laugh and sometimes want to pull my hair out. For someone who incredibly nervous about becoming a mother (I was afraid I might not be *good* at this) it's my mostfavorite job ever. Yes, they tell me how to drive and I'm blessed to have them with me. Some people aren't as fortunate.
I know there will be bad days and sad times. I will get exactly where I am supposed to be in time.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
You sound great GB, I think you're doing a wonderful job. How do you feel about him taking the dog? Personally I would not let one of mine go. He could take one of the cats but my dogs are much closer to me than the cats. I don't have kids though. good for you on the "I no longer want to engage in fixing behaviors" I am in that same position. You have a great attitude!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Well, I talked to the kids before saying he could take the dog. I told him he could eventually take the dog ( it's a stray found 2 years ago-still puppy like). However, the dog sleeps with my s11 some nights and I don't want to upset him. I asked the kids how they felt about said pup going to their Dads and they were okay with it. It might actually give them something to do when they visit. I told h he could not have him yet as it is about the kids and what's best for them.
Even the kids comment that h greets the dog he wants and ignores everyone else. The older dog (he now refers to that as my dog) doesn't even get a pat on the head from h. He was rescued right before I gave birth to D9. I think everyone will be okay with this. I think.
We had a nice sing along to Katy Perry in the car this evening. Thanks everyone:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
nice that h wants the dog--showing some although small responsibility
I feel they really try to keep one foot in the door but the pull in MLC land is so strong eventually they get pulled out to sea but we stay on land strong steady detached and grounded
you seem good and strong and KML is right once we start healing and letting go our new life is easier without dealing with all the issues the MLcer brings to the table
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Of course your teenage husband doesnt want to pay for therapy that cuts into his play money. He will turn it around and say therapy doesnt work for kids but its really about him. This whole thing is about him.
You are doing amazing. This is so hard. I think your right that the kids will love to see the dog at their dads house. I find my kids have very little to do when they are at their dads house so I think having the dog there will be great.
These day I disagree with the advice to go dark. To me it seems like a ploy or scheme to get them back. I dont think you should be forwarding jokes to your H but I think we should contact them as much as needed in regard to the kids etc.
When I went dark shortly after my H moved out - I dont think he noticed or gave a sh!t but I do think I did not take care of some of my needs in order to stand my ground and not contact him
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Oh, how true Bklyn! My WAS started out so very worried about how her and I getting D would hurt the kids, now she says "We all hurt our kids, they'll get over it" (yeah, but most don't hurt them knowingly and on purpose, just to "find their joy" a direct quote!). They can rationalize just about ANY bad behavior as long as it makes what they are doing "OK"!
It's ALL about them and their "happiness"!(Then why do they all seem so miserable?)
It's ALL about them and their "happiness"!(Then why do they all seem so miserable?)
We're seeking that elusive happiness pill EXTERNALLY while struggling with our own misery INTERNALLY. Right there...you can see how those two worlds collide inside the MLCer?! Wham-O!!
