Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need help saving my family - part 10

Wonka, I appreciate your input, I do, but to insinuate I'm not doing everything I can to have my kids with me is BS and fairly insulting.

We're going by what you post here. And FIVE months isn't BS. Just telling the facts, sir.

That's great what your Dad did. From what you've told me, if he did what you have told me in my province under today's laws he would have been in jail. Where would that have led to with child custody? The fact you mother was "fine" makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD! My W has not been "fine" so I am doing what needs to be done.

Then why isn't W in jail for doing this? If W is able to kidnap your kids from your province under today's laws, then shouldn't she be in jail?

Serving my W with D papers today or the end of next week will have NO BARRING on my kids in the long run. Filing for interim custody is a likelihood within the next week or two. If my L advises that's the best way to go to achieve my goal then I will defer to her.

Okay.

It's very easy to sit back and with all the info you have now look at things that happened before and say you messed up here, and there etc etc etc.

I think so. If you would look back on your old threads, you were PARALYZED with inaction. It is not me.

Scorp7

One of the things that DB and my friends here taught me was….

Not to believe the bullchit I was telling myself.


Separate YOUR M from being a DAD. She took the kids – you did nothing. Period. As for you NOT wanting a D. Let me use YOUR words.




As for you NOT wanting to file for a D….


Do you mean to tell me that… you could not file the motion for custody BEFORE you filed for a D? Honestly, I find that hard to believe. So if you tell me Yes you could have filed for custody and waited on the D…can you understand why I would say that YOUR actions do not match YOUR words? Oh…and FTR, I am not suggesting that you should NOT divorce your W. If it was me, the minute she took the kids 4 hours a way, would have been enough – that just me though.



Quick story….MY L advised me NOT to leave the martial home. After 2 years of living with my ex, I told my L …”fu*k it – I am going to do what I need to do”. Now, FTR, I am very close to my L, we actually still meet for drinks and dinner every so often. Know what she said to me afterwards….. Eric, I’m not sure how you managed to stay in the house for 2 years, I was happy that you finally left”. So Scorp7….sometimes YOU need to DRIVE the bus. Let me ask you a question….who is the parent to YOUR kids? You or YOUR attny?



Then listen to YOUR attny – just remember….at the end of the day, she ain’t living your life. She will get paid and move on to the next client – REGARDLESS of the outcome of YOUR case.

FTR, I do not doubt that you love your kids. I actually believe that YOU believe you are doing everything you can. The issue I see, is that YOU do not see what a lot of others are trying to point. It is a pattern in your responses to your W, a pattern of how you appear to live your life.

Can you see how your response come across?

Many of us have been EXACTLY where you are


AND THIS ^^^^ is the knowledge and LIFE experiences that everyone is trying to get you to see.



Words like “everything” “Never” “always”….have different meanings to others.

“everything” to me…meant knocking on my w door and bringing my kids home – regardless of what the law, or my W said.

I guess I am different. Another quick example….if someone breaks into my house, I am pulling out my 9MM and shooting them. Period. It is against the law in my state. Apparently, I cannot even shoot them even if they shoot me. My point is…that I believe in following the “spirit” of the law….not just the “letter”.

You do not have an agreement on custody. In my mind, that means that you can do whatever you want with the kids – even bring them home.

It may cost more in legally fees in the long run…but once again…that is how I define EVERYTHING.



It aint just YOU Wonka.

Here's what I still don't get: you say the most important thing to you is getting 50/50 time with your kids. And you have long time posters who have seen at lot of different situations here posting to you AND all fought and got 50/50 custody. Yet you dismiss their advice out of hand and say you've got it all handled.

But you'll spend six pages of posts on a simple email response to your estranged wife to try and get every word right.

Why? I don't get it.

Scorp,

Here's the thing. All of us here have been through the DB trenches that include a whole gamut of experiences with battle scars etched all over our bodies.

What we're trying to do here is to pass on some of our experiences with the goal of having you being informed on some of the choices and non-choices that some of us have had or wish for some do-overs. We all have been where you are at in the DB process and we all have experienced that paralyzing feeling in the beginning of our sitches.

If there's any singular thing we've learned in the whole process is this: Stop worrying about what our WAS would think of us if we took certain action or non-action.

For me, with my 2000/2000 hindsight, I'd move much quicker and not be so paralyzed with fear. Just plow right ahead and stand firm on my own stance. There were some instances that I felt I did the right thing and others I wish I had done a bit better. However, I listened to the VETS that preceded me and took the vast majority of their advice.

Their immense wealth of experience and wisdom is what I took to heart. They were able to see some of my blind spots and warn me of certain pitfalls as I navigated my way through negotiations with Ms. Wonka. I heeded to their wise advice.

You may think we're coming down hard on you when in reality we're seeing things that you may not be aware of or afraid to do and trying to bring them to your attention.

That was my point EXACTLY Drew.

I dont know how this turned into a bash Scorp session regarding his desire to be a father, although I am curious to HOW he sees his plan unfolding...

And what contingency plans he might have in effect...

I think he needs to follow his lawyers advice at the moment. In doing that i think he also needs to refrain from any sort of "future" type discussions with his W, until his lawyer makes the next move.

What else is it you all think I should be doing that I'm not doing right now?

Please bear in mind that the laws in Canada are not the same as the US when it comes to family law.

"Then why isn't W in jail for doing this? If W is able to kidnap your kids from your province under today's laws, then shouldn't she be in jail?"

Wonka that^^^^makes lots of sense.....

Me? I would have filed the temporary custody order first.

Drew, if I filed the temporary custody order first my wife would have responded by doing the same. If she didn't then she might as well have just agreed to 50/50. It becomes a battle of court orders that goes nowhere.