"I understand that. I know you are guys so you don't sit around pouring your hurt out, but it's not like you're really getting to spend time together if you are out in a loud bar every night."
Hmmm this is validating or judging?
So, now I'm freaking out that H and this friend are going to commiserate with one another over their terrible marriages and that this will help H decide that he definitely wants a D.
Or does the opposite, this is a little mind reading and also I am a man, if we want to live in a equal society where everybody its equal and share the same feelings, I feel it will be valid for you to think that a man sharing about his marital problems with his friend its the same than when a woman does that with another woman or man. Don't underestimate because you don't really know what they are gonna talk about, and just accept they are going to see each other and start enjoying the cooking with H, change your thoughts, refer to 25yearsmic post of her going to a trip with H and how instead of feeling miserable she chooses to have a looooot of fun, who knows what might happens!! Maybe in the food everything goes so well that you 3 end up together going for a beer and talking about your H friend problems...
You can do this, dont let fear control your life, I am talking by experience
Thanks for reading, Ye.
First, no, I was not being judgmental. In a recent conversation, my H said to me on this very subject, "We're guys. We don't do that." I wouldn't care if that is what they wanted to do (except for the part about freaking out about both of them having marriage problems), but the context of the conversation was not judgmental at all. I was validating my H's feelings on having a low-key weekend rather than spending the whole thing in a bar.
Second, I don't have any intention of letting this affect our day on Saturday. I'm sure it will be a great day. This is something that we've done many times over the years with our friends. We've even done it since BD and I've had a great time.
You are right that I don't have any idea what they are going to discuss. It could be that the friend has a WAW-situation. If that's the case, he might be telling my H how awful it is and then he should try to work it out. I simply don't know. Thanks again for responding!
No worries, just one tip, we men say we dont "talk about those things" lmfao We just dont stop talking about those things once we see a friend
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
No single conversation between your H & his friend is going to change anything, it may spark some thinking but ultimately your H will do what he wants to. You can't control the situation, you can't control what they discuss or what your H takes from their conversations but you can control YOU & how this weekend impacts on you.
Enjoy it!!! Forget about your M/R and just enjoy spending time with 2 friends, be the best you that you can & "act as if" you know everything will be fine your doing great!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
No single conversation between your H & his friend is going to change anything, it may spark some thinking but ultimately your H will do what he wants to. You can't control the situation, you can't control what they discuss or what your H takes from their conversations but you can control YOU & how this weekend impacts on you.
Enjoy it!!! Forget about your M/R and just enjoy spending time with 2 friends, be the best you that you can & "act as if" you know everything will be fine your doing great!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
your doing great!