I have my goals in mind...just not written out specifically..so here goes...
1. Treat H like friend. Win back H by winning back friendship first. 2. Do not call H at work. Give H space...stop pursuit, get h to call me. 3. Go to AA. Stay sober. 4. Go to counseling this Friday. work on own issues. 5. Go to church. keep conscious contact with God and keep social contact with healthy religious folks. 6. Go to bible study. same result as five 7. Make arrangements to go to treatment. stay sober work on deeper issues 8. Continue to take meds. keep chemical imbalance at bay 9. Continue to take care of self and son. feel better 10. Work on Writing. feel better, make money
I am a pursuer. When things are bad I want to fight it out. I want to hash it out til the end. He is a withdrawer. I don't know what it is he wants because I am not a withdrawer. Could someone who withdraws please explain to me what it is that you folks want and need? I want to understand your side of things....
Oh Boy, if he is anything like me, you don't want to persue at that specific time. I hold to the saying 'beware the wrath of a patient man'. I withdraw because I have a vicious, tactless side that comes to the surface if I am emotionally hurt or made angry. I've known this since junior high school. I have to get away to 'control the demons' and allow me a chance to think things through. I obviously don't want to hurt my wife so a few moments to a few hours is something that I need away from her.
I would not say that it is a 'want' to be away from her, but I feel a necessity to keep the peace. Maybe that's why I'm on this board and she is a few hundred miles away at her mom's with the kids.....
Bottom line, it's probably just a communication issue. What I want is for the tone of the conversation to remain civil so that I can control myself and listen. What I need is closeness and a reassurance that she is mad at the situation and not always with me.
Sounds like him..he is vicious when pushed...and I ought to know, I have pushed him often enough...
At the times I do...I just want him to hear me so badly...I am learning now, but I just fear it's too late...
I hope my goals pull him back in a little...here's a recap of the last few days... Monday night I asked H to spend night with me. H refused. His exact words..."It doesn't work. I am never going down that road with you again." Thursday night H spent the night here with me. It was maninly for his pleasure, but he did sleep in bed all night with me and did let me snuggle him. Friday he took s to school and then Friday night took suon back to school event and me to store to get movies and even bought us some prawns and some grapes. We had not asked for them. I asked if he wanted to watch one of the movies he said no even though he had picked it out. He said he would be by the next day to plow the driveway. I asked if he wanted to help cook the prawns and have dinner and he said yes. The following day, Saturday, I found a great recipe and called him up. Asked if he was interested in orange shrimp. He acted like he never agreed to having dinner. Then he came over and plowed. He came in and hung around for a while. I told him I had guests ...a gal pal and her daughter coming at six for dinner. He seemed surprised. He asked me if I needed a new computer. I said yes but that I could not afford one. He said he was going to buy me one. I thanked him. Sunday he came by but did not come in the house...just put gravel on the driveway and left. Monday, he came and got son and took him to school. Then, he put more gravel on the driveway and took garbage to dump. He mentioned having to take me off insurance when d was final...I said not if we work things out...he did not respond....he said appraiser was coming by house in two weeks...I said that the higher the appraisal the better the money we could get for a home equity loan for new garage and decks for house if we worked things out...he did not respond...he got ready to go...he left me a check for 200 dollars pluse 3 checks for 30 each for my credit cards...which is 90 more than he usually leaves me....I asked him for a hug...he sort of grudgingly gave me one...I told him to drive safe and he said he would and he left....
Why didn't he tell me not to kid myself if there is no hope? Am I just kidding myself? I have got to stop myself from thinking about these things too much.
ONE DAY AT A TIME. I CAN GET THROUGH THIS ONE DAY AT A TIME. EIGHT O'CLOCK MEETING TONIGHT.....THANK GOD.
Today, I called insurance company and got precertified for counseling. Got bases covered for continued shrink appointments, too. Let insurance know that I am planning on going into treatment center and tried to find out about coverage for that. Have to call back tomorrow to talk more about it. Cleaned out several boxes in daylight basement. Posted a lot on bb.
Have you decided to follow a specific plan of DBing? From the last few posts, both emotionally and physically you seem all over the place. I don't want to seem rude, but if you are trying to apply the LRT, you are breaking all of the rules!!!!
I figured that I would just not call him while he is away at work and see if he calls me. Then I would do the focus on me with counseling, AA, bible study, and such. You are not rude at all....And I am absolutely open for suggestions..lately a lot of times I post to vent and just think out loud...so I don't say or do things that will make my sitch worse than it already is...which is pretty bad..
