It's hard to find that sweet spot where you are being assertive without being a doormat or aggressive. I am still working on that myself with my H. But I am trying to respond to him kindly rather than in kind.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
The way I read what you wrote was that Scorp should just accept that his W (who is perfectly nice and normal) took his kids four hours away without his consent, and be happy for the scraps she is feeding him. There are some situations where you don't just send things out to the universe and hope for the best. You need to take action to make things right.
Everybody reads what they want I did not state that, in fact by reading "slowly" what I said I told him to change his approach and be different with her since she is being more serene, as I said everybody will read that in a different way
Your advice of more honey and less vinegar and the way you are inviting scorp to talk to her it shows a lot of compassion and love and that approach its always the one that will make a difference in all this. Great advice and great to see your improvements Mel, you sound more calm.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
"Thank you for depositing the money. There was a problem with the email address you were sending to. It would be best to send to my work account.
I will be picking up D6 after school on the 11th and staying until their gymnastics class is finished Monday. I can take the girls to their gymnastics class on Monday the 14th. Your Mom could meet me at the class to take the kids home.
My plan is to pick the kids up on 4/18, let me know what time works best for you. I'd like to spend the week with them and bring them back to you on 4/25.
Thanks for letting me know about the new gymnastics schedule. I know the girls will love it! Since they will be busy during our usual phone time, please make sure they are available to talk with me at 4:00 instead."
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
It's better . . . bust still a little bossy. I am not sure how bossy you need to be with your W - you will have to play with it a bit to figure out how firm you have to be to avoid her trying to trample you.
If you really wanted to be cooperative, you might say (about the phone call) - could you make the kids available to speak with me at 4:00 instead? If not, please let me know what time would work."
That way, you are being respectful of your W and her schedule, and not being demanding and unyielding, but you are being firm in your intent to speak with your kids, whether they have gymnastics or not.
Same kind of things with the visits. You could propose a time to pick up/drop off the kids, and ask whether that works for her - if not, could she propose a time that is better?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Thanks for depositing the money. There was a problem with the email address you were sending to. Can you send everything to my work email address for now?
I am planning to pick D6 up after school on the 11th and stay until their gymnastics class is finished on Monday the 14th. I can take the girls to their gymnastics class on Monday. Can your Mom pick the kids up after the class?
My plan is to pick the kids up on 4/18, let me know what time works best for you. I'd like to spend the week with them and bring them back to you on 4/24.
Thanks for letting me know about the new gymnastics schedule. I know the girls will love it! Since they will be busy during our usual phone time, can you please make sure they are available to talk with me at 4:00? If that time isn't good for you please let me know a time that will work.
I backed off of the time at Easter to 4/24. My W had said that we split the time equally. That would be fine if we had been splitting their time equally up to now but it's been no where close. If I stuck with 4/25 I'm pretty sure she won't agree. One more day with me under the circumstances should be ok.
It's possible she will balk at me taking the girls to their gymnastics class as well. It was only last weekend that she threatened to withhold the kids from me if I didn't agree to having the kids back by Sunday. I don't want to mind read here, kinda hard not to though when trying to put these messages here as far as trying to find the best approach to take.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I think that sounds much nicer. Do you feel OK with it?
I don't think you have to mind read. Just be reasonable in what you want and the way you ask for it. If she says no, then you can figure out what to do. If she balks at you taking them to gymnastics, just say you want to watch them and be a part of that activity - so you will be going regardless. She can meet you there and bring them home after if she would like. If she wants to be ridiculous, let her insist that she picks up from school (or whatever the situation is) and then you meet at gymnastics. Even she will probably have to realize the silliness.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I did not state that, in fact by reading "slowly" what I said I told him to change his approach and be different with her since she is being more serene, as I said everybody will read that in a different way 
