in the meantime, I am leaving him alone, being patient ... at a distance. I wasn't pushing, he volunteered his comments. I see how you view my "I'm not waiting" as control. I did not say it for him to hear or to control HIM, its about me.
Can someone please explain to me? How can he say he loves me, is attracted to me, misses our life, considers a future with me (marriage), can't replace me... but yet "don't know"?
little head says "he loves me, is attracted to me, misses our life, considers a future with me (marriage), can't replace me." (translation - i need sex)
big head says "don't know" (translation - is sex worth going back)
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Gosh, I'm not an expert like the many others. However, I felt it necessary to chime in to this one.
You can't make him less confused. Forget it. My h is extremely confused. Heck, my 9 and 10 yr old see that. And what do we do about it? Nada. All on him. I'm not interested in trying to fix something I can't. I don't ask anything and I have 3 kids under 10 with the man. He's confused. I'm not.
Stop having chats. Seriously. Who talks ad nauseum about wanting touch and potentially having dinner in the future? You either do it or you don't. You sure as hades don't talk for hours about it.
Detach. Focus on you. These convos are an epic waste of time and breath. Handle the business aspect and skip the sex/non sex chats. Just my 2 cents.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Gosh, I'm not an expert like the many others. However, I felt it necessary to chime in to this one.
You can't make him less confused. Forget it. My h is extremely confused. Heck, my 9 and 10 yr old see that. And what do we do about it? Nada. All on him. I'm not interested in trying to fix something I can't. I don't ask anything and I have 3 kids under 10 with the man. He's confused. I'm not.
Stop having chats. Seriously. Who talks ad nauseum about wanting touch and potentially having dinner in the future? You either do it or you don't. You sure as hades don't talk for hours about it.
Detach. Focus on you. These convos are an epic waste of time and breath. Handle the business aspect and skip the sex/non sex chats. Just my 2 cents.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Gosh, I'm not an expert like the many others. However, I felt it necessary to chime in to this one.
You can't make him less confused. Forget it. My h is extremely confused. Heck, my 9 and 10 yr old see that. And what do we do about it? Nada. All on him. I'm not interested in trying to fix something I can't. I don't ask anything and I have 3 kids under 10 with the man. He's confused. I'm not.
Stop having chats. Seriously. Who talks ad nauseum about wanting touch and potentially having dinner in the future? You either do it or you don't. You sure as hades don't talk for hours about it.
Detach. Focus on you. These convos are an epic waste of time and breath. Handle the business aspect and skip the sex/non sex chats. Just my 2 cents.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
little head says "he loves me, is attracted to me, misses our life, considers a future with me (marriage), can't replace me." (translation - i need sex)
big head says "don't know" (translation - is sex worth going back)
No you don't. If you did, you would understand that in the MLCer's confusion, they will flip back and forth. That's why it's called confusion. My W was in hers for 5 years and there are times when I don't know if she fully came out of it.
If you're not patient enough to wait it out, then move on. Because if you don't have the patience to wait out that, you're not going to have the patience it takes to be in a M.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
We had our accountant appointment today. Before going there, we needed to pick up a vehicle on the way. We grabbed coffee and had interesting conversation on the way (our convo was about another couple, friends of mine and their rel'p being expressed with unconditional love) I shared how I do not feel safe with him, and questioned if he would love me if I lost my hands, couldn't fulfull sex needs, etc because I feel that he doesn't love me unconditionally... that because when I make a mistake or that we argue, that he records it as reasons not to be R with MM (he actually used to have a physical list of the bad stuff M did) ...during this convo also he fully admits he is wanting/missing physical contact. Needless to say when we got there, he needed to p. Guess who walked unintentionally right into full frontal? He stood there like a confident person (not the same guy who would run and be private).I apologized and walked away. Same time last year, I wasn't allowed to even have my arm brush against his, he would pull away. Just acknowledging.
At our appointment, I heard things I liked and didn't like about how we can manage to put my name on this business. The accountant was acting like a mediator and had both sides in mind. We may have come to a temporary solution. I need to think more and see if its fair. It was overwhelming.
During the appt. I got defensive and stated something that wasn't called for. I basically said that I expected him to run home and alter some bills. We left the office, and I walked to the car. He followed me to my side of the car. I got in the car and I got teary and said I was sorry, that I didn't mean what I said in there. He was focused on his desire wanted to hug me (thats why he followed me). He then reached for my hand and tears came, said he was sorry that he was a "d1ck" in there, and he does want to work it out with me. He then stated how he would love to just steal me and run to a hotel room, grab some beer, close the curtains and hide for a while. I said "but just for a moment?". I then switched the topic, saying no relationship talk. We both were emotional, but I maintained my self. After, we got back to our other vehicle, he got out and we agreed to meet later. I think we both needed some time/space. I went to Moms, did some paper work and headed back to work again.
He was there. Got out of my car and he was welcoming me with open arms for a hug that he joked was a public display of affection (we were outside). He commented about the "sexy" note written in dust on my rear window. (turns out a friend wrote it as a joke). I did not tell him it was a friend. I told him that I would consider his view from our appt. today and he would consider mine. He seemed to be happy/content with that comment. Our time at work seemed a lot more light & easy. Client came, I had to leave for women's meeting.
Im just not sure what to do with his reactions/responses & his position... Suddenly, he is offering new hugs, hand held, and frontal. I don't know what to make of him and how to handle it. I am sure that what of what some suggest is true.... that he is "h*rny" these days and figures its easy and convenient with me....He is entertaining in his little head's desires with me. I am sure he fully thought I would have jumped all over him by now. Although, he worries about his agenda.. whether he is just wanting sex, or more with me. The part I don't get is that he knows/admits he loves me and wants more...
Tonights meeting was great.... it was our send off evening for the women who will be travelling (me) for the weekend away. I felt loved and compassion from my group. Three women expressed how excited they were for me especially as they have witnessed my growth since I have joined and they cannot wait for the transformation that apparently occurs on this weekend. I just have to trust and be open. >>>> OK!! I met a new woman who I will be travelling with, and she seems to be quite cool & was interested in me. She has experience re-creating her self value. She is a very attractive woman and lost her confidence, etc when her dad died. She also is co-dependent. So I am sure our 8 hour car ride will be an experience. We agreed to leave as early as possible so that we could shop along the way... YAY!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
