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artsy,
Thank you! It is good to know I am making strides. It is up and down for sure so taking one day at a time and moving forward is my mantra!

Yesterday was our date day! I have to admit is was exciting...but I think I was a little bit guarded. I mean, I still have to mentally prepare myself to hear things that may be upsetting such as his recent activities that have nothing to do with me. On the outside it seems that he is having such a great life now that he is basically a bachelor again. He describes things he does and seems so free that it is hard to imagine that he would ever want to be back in a home with me. Also, he talked endlessly about himself and work and all of his plans and business. The good news is that he did ask more about me...and I was able to tell him the things that I have been doing that really show my moving forward like signing my new lease. He was surprised to hear that I was moving back to town before my kids' end their current school year. I wanted to say "you wouldn't know my plans because you haven't asked me about them for months because you have been so self absorbed that you haven't even asked until now!!!" but I didn't say anything like that, just acted happy to have new plans, which I am. I validated and listened to him and didn't talk about myself unless he asked...he apologized a few times for talking about himself so much.
We went to lunch and then went paddle boarding in the bay. That was the best part of the day although we were limited on time because we both had to work. This was good, because I had to rush off to work and it was good to have something to do. We both agreed the day was very nice.
I am wondering if it normal to have nerves after a wonderful day like this? I feel good and grateful for the time, but have to admit it is a little weird that we are still in a eggshell type of place and it is like we are newly dating but not because we have known each other for years...its so odd. Seeing him kind of makes me feel like I am taking a few steps back emotionally because I start to wonder if things are ever going to be back to normal.
I remember reading in DR that every setback is directly related to impatience. SO...in order to avoid setback in my mind, I am going to try to have zero expectations and remain patient, because we are SO far from where we were 6 months ago and everything is moving in a positive direction. so....ONWARD it is.

I meant to mention that on the outside he seems so happy to be "free" but he texted me how much he missed me so maybe that is a sign his freedom isn't all he thought it was going to be???

You're seeing it as a setback, but it's not- it feels like one. Theres a difference. I have the exact swing of emotions after I see my H. I feel good about the interaction, and then a few hours later I'm upset we are where we are and angry again. It's all based on fear, and we need to detach some more, methinks!

An it is totally normal to think its awkward to be "dating" someone you've known for over 5 years. It's hard to have a "beginner's mind" when you have baggage with someone!

I am struggling really badly with havin to re-define my relationship. I want what I want, and I want it NOW! Lol. I see the same things with you. We gotta keep on keepin on!

NM, your my hero! Don't have much to offer here except! Keep it up! You've successfully DB'd once and it sounds like your doing it again.

Groov

PS. Started a new thread as the last one is locked: [url=NM, your my hero! Don't have much to offer here except! Keep it up! You've successfully DB'd once and it sounds like your doing it again.

Groov

PS. Started a new thread as the last one is locked:

[url=NM, your my hero! Don't have much to offer here except! Keep it up! You've successfully DB'd once and it sounds like your doing it again.

Groov

PS. Started a new thread as the last one is locked:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2423891&Board=20

[url=http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2423891&Board=20]New Thread[/url]

Wow, that last post did some interesting things... sorry...

Yes, you are making great strides. It's great to see that you are trusting the process. The next step would be to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach. A DB Coach would make you feel more confident, knowing that the things you are saying and doing are helping you get your relationship back on track. Please call to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004.

artsy,
THANK YOU! You made me feel so much better about this. I guess it is a good thing that I am at the point that I would rather not see him and have that sinking feeling after, than see him no matter what, whenever he wants! It is progress! I appreciate the encouragement. I have to read your thread, I will visit it now

Groov,
You know, that posting got messed up but it just repeated that I was your hero 3 times so it didn't bother me any!! Just kidding, but thank you for that! I have taken great strength from your postings and I consider it the reason we are all here. To help one another. I really appreciate your encouragement as well!

Update!
Well, as you may have read, I am moving! Between schoolwork, kids, work, and moving, I have been so busy that BF is not really on my radar too much. I am finally in the FORWARD MARCH mode and I have been really happy. I am very proud of how far I have come. Before we split, BF and I had a good relationship but there were obviously problems. I made changes and mistakes, but I am finally seeing clearly along my path. I have been going through this for a reason and it has been to find the real me...underneath all of the outer stress that had been masking my heart. I feel I should list my accomplishments:

Moved in with mom to save $$ and focus on school- saved enough for new laptop and to move into my new humble abode.

Been eating well and doing yoga (although this week has been exhausting with the move so I can't wait to get back to normal cooking and exercise routine when all moved in!).

Focus on spiritual growth and learning about God- FOUND HIM!! And through Him, I have figured out the answers to SO many things it would take all day to list. I would not take back anything that I have gone through if it meant that I didn't have the faith that I do now. Just thinking about it makes me smile! It is because of this that I think about my BF and know that all will be OK. All of the negative little "what ifs" and concerns have fallen away to reveal my truth. I was afraid of being alone, left behind. And now I need not fear because I have a love that can never be taken away. This works for me.

SO....

I wasn't worried about moving my things from storage, but trying to figure it out without asking BF who has a truck. I admit I was a little worried that he wouldn't have time for me. SO, I was going to rent a truck and get help from friends and then when BF finally decided to inquire more about my move, I would be settled and not "needing" him. This was my attempt at a 180 and having no expectations from BF. My friends wonder why I do this kinda stuff...they want me to be mad that he isn't more available and think I should ask him to do more. They don't realize I am following a plan!

Well, yesterday BF texted out of the blue to see if I got my keys to the new place.

Here's how the texts went:

BF: Hi Did you get the keys to your new place yet?

ME: Hi! I did, in fact I am just getting home from work now.

BF: Oh wow, you're already living there? I was going to ask if you need help moving in.

ME: Landlord gave me keys early. I've been bringing over loads of stuff but would love some help with the big stuff! I would really appreciate that, thank you!!

BF: Oh that was nice of him! No problem, I can charge you a flat rate instead of by the hour.

ME: I will pay you alright


I think this was a pretty good thing. I used to be so worried that he wouldn't want to move back in with me. Now I am ok with that and don't even know if I would want that now until we are more solid. Also, I love my new place! It is so cute and the perfect size for my girls and I. If BF wants to join eventually that can be worked out, but for now...me and my house are perfect!

NM,

How are you doing? What is going on with you and your sitch?

Groov

HeyGroov,
I posted to your thread yesterday. I am doing well. Things in the new place are great. I started commuting 1 1/2 hours back in Novemeber after finding a new job that I could make enough money at and still have the flexibility to finish my degree. Everyone comments on the commute and how awful it would be to do...but I found it was my time to think and think I did! It was during one of those thoughtful drives that I had a moment with God that has changed my life. I spoke to him through tears (I am now a master at crying and driving) and asked that he take control of my life and stop the pain that I was living in. I think he could see that I really meant it that time because the next morning I woke up and I have not cried over my sitch since. Sure, I have been sad or worried...but I have not been hopeless or down on my knees as I was prior to that day. It was as if He finally said "Ok, that's all she can take...I will lighten her heavy heart because she has learned and now can be trusted with her own heart." I forged on with the new job and saved enough money to move. I looked for a place nearby my work that would be in a great area for my kids to go to school. I found both. And not only did these things gracefully fall into place, but they are continuing to be better than I imagined. I LOVE my home. I have happily worked hard at making it the most loving and welcoming it can be. My kids' schools are wonderful. They actually both start their first days tomorrow but everyone we have met so far is amazing. Little blessings keep happening like the new speech teacher for my D11 is excellent and I was worried about taking her out of the one she was in. My D13 has a soccer coach that is a teacher at her school whom we randomly ran into on orientation day and we were worried because she needed a new team and we didn't know where to start. Today I found a wonderful dentist who made appointments for myself and my kids and works around our schedules and is SO nice. This stuff may sound mundane, but when you have a string of either zero luck, bad luck or actual horrible events take place in your life making you struggle for the past 6 years or so...having these things fall into place so easily and working together so well is amazing. My college classes are awesome (all A's!) and I am loving my job!

So...to answer you I am doing excellent! As far as my BF...he did end up helping me move...and we had a wonderful day together last Saturday. He came over in the morning after getting done with a 12 hour shift. The cable guy had just gotten here so in lieu of snuggling in bed I made him breakfast, we drank mimosas, and talked a lot. It was so nice to have him over and when he was here it felt like he was home. Since we split, every time we see each other it has been at his house which is someone elses home he rents a room in. Even though my new place is different, it has more of "our" things in it and with his watch on the counter and his uniform hanging up and his shoes in the middle of the floor...it felt like he was home and a bit like it used to.
When the cable guy left we went to bed. I was feeling a little under the weather and he was exhausted so it was nice to go back to bed and snuggle. It was very cozy. I got up later and he slept while I did homework. I had to leave for work so I left him here and left some meals for him in the freezer with a note. Later that evening he texted to thank me for everything and said I was so sweet. And he loved me. This week we both have work and finals and I have the kids. We text a little and that's it.

I want very badly for him to call me all the time to talk and for him to come home after work. I miss him even since Saturday. BUT...this is where we are right now. It must be this way for a reason and although I want more...and don't understand completely why it can't be that way...I have no desire to push the issue.

When I pray to God to stop my pain, He did. So I pray to Him to heal us completely and He will. I will wait. And I will recognize when the healing happens and when miracles happen around me. I am enjoying my kids...and appreciating the time I have with my BF. I saw a look in his eyes the other day that I haven't seen for awhile. I have a lot of faith in that. I love him so much!

Long winded in my answer once again, sorry. I get on here sometimes and this stuff just flows out. Whether it makes sense or not, I don't always know! But...I am happier than I have been in a very long time. So that is huge!

I want that for you Groov! I know you will be there if you're not already!