If he questions you about what you are doing, you can then decide how much you want to tell him about your business. However, it's on him to make assumptions and not for you to add to them, i.e., lie. Honesty is the best way to go because one lie will lead to another and another. You wouldn't like for him to lie to you about his whereabouts...now would you?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"Ken, you make a good point...however, informing him of my weekend...gives away all my cards. Isn't he supposed to "wonder" sometimes?"
i dont believe you are at the stage where you should worry about making him "wonder".
the issues you have with your R are much larger than that.
you need to learn to communicate, to be independent, to learn patience, to separate business and relationships -- all of which should be done before you worry about making him wonder.
to me, you're too busy playing these games. you're constantly trying to prevent reactions or fabricate reactions.
i think what you need is honesty. i see that from him, when he tells you he wants to take care of the financials first.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
oh I'm going!... I've booked and paid... I have to go now... no backing out... LOL
I am and have always been an honest and upfront person about this kind of stuff. I have no reason to lie. I am not good at lying anyway....LOL
I was hoping to tell him in person today... we have an appointment for 2pm. He is already in an irritable mood. We have already had a battle this morning over inventory. Yesterday's battle was about doing something "my way" that satisfied my requirements... he realized this and gave credit this morning.
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Meanwhile, got off phone with our accountant. She was able to view/understand things better from my perspective. We have an appointment with her tomorrow at 4!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
ok...told him "going away this weekend, international conference for the school thing"...he said "ok"...
however, its not the "now" I am concerned about...its the later when he will hang it over my head, saying that I owe him....somehow.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Stay positive and enjoy your time away. As for what your SO may or may not do...don't assume anything. He may have done it in the past, but you are stronger now and can put him in is place if he should attempt to hold it over your head. Don't worry about what tomorrow or next week will bring, live in the here and now and the future will take care of itself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I cannot wait to go away... He is friggen impatient, irritable, demanding & miserable. Even hanging up on me...He cannot accept that he blames "ME" when I relay a fact and it discredits his position. He is acting like a spoiled brat.
He blames it on being tired, not sleeping, being overwhelmed, cranky & getting old... I better get used to this, according to him. That this behaviour is acceptable.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't you just tell a little white lie to your SO? Aren't you going away w/your church group? If that's the case, where did the international school come into play? I don't see the connection, if there is one, please enlighten me.
As for his bad behavior, it's par for the course when they are going through some issues. The best thing you can do is step back and allow him to fight w/himself and not add fuel to his fire. Nope, it's not acceptable and you will need to call him on it.
BTW, I forget to address the outdoor potty situation...that was disrespectful to you and he should have gone around the corner and not done his business in front of you. Whether he likes the outdoors and doing his business outside, I know he knows better and I would venture to say that he wouldn't have done that in front of your daughter, his mother or any other family member.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Not a white lie... more truth based. I am going away with the Womens Group... we both have referred to it as "school", I have informed him in the past that it is a "womens" group... I did NOT inform that today. It is an international meeting taking place across the border.
As for his bad behaviour... I need to remember to say "I am not appreciating the way you are speaking" and hang up... I forgot, because it had been a while since he was a jerk!
As for the potty situation.. in our R, we had an open door policy... its part of our closeness. It is not disrespectful. This was only noticed, because he withdrew just before BD not allowing me to see, closing doors, not allowing touch, not even slight arm touching. When outdoors, he began walking far away and around corners, behind trees, etc. Then, very recently he commented how he liked that about our R, that we were close and able to do that infront of eachother. He liked our closeness. He did not do it "infront" of me, but immediately behind me.. not behind a tree, etc. Still turned/angled, but not direct. Thats all.
We have a client appointment now... he "seemed" nicer, on the phone.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
