Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Upwards - DB myself to happiness! #2

I really wish we coud edit. I was thinking you had young kids but couldn't see your sig as I was replying.

The 9 days before this weekend we had no contact in person or on the phone at all, I arranged for my MIL to drop off the kids etc so that I didnt have to see him at all because I needed some time/space to focus on me and only me. It helped a lot and i'm feeling more stronger now so I'm thinking maybe I could let him drop the kids again instead of MIL and that's a 3 times a week i'll see him briefly.

I feel like i'll be ok with some contact now & I like how he's opening up and sharing things with me again instead of making me out to be the enemy! Another thing I've noticed is that he has stopped rewriting history, the way he speaks to me is with fondness and kind instead of cold, he's genuinely asking how I am instead of being consumed with himself... Its like I can see him slowly transforming into a new & improved version of his former self.

I know his feelings towards the current situation haven't changed and neither have mine, we NEED to be apart right now to both heal and build our ourselves up again. Last night he said "we are getting on better than ever & i'm really enjoying your company at the moment, we've wiped the slate clean and have to start again somewhere..." so he's clearly feeling more positive and seems much more open to all possibilities instead of just saying its over. I'm going to put NO pressure on him at all as know that's the worst thing I could do.

Today at work my H made a joke (in bad taste!) and said "tell him your my Mrs... or ex-Mrs if you want" and laughed, I said it was uncalled for and he apologised and said he didn't mean it that way at all it came out wrong - he then said "ok tell him your my temporary ex-Mrs" with a big smile, I was a little taken aback so I just changed the subject... What do I make of this?!

Today at work my H made a joke (in bad taste!) and said "tell him your my Mrs... or ex-Mrs if you want" and laughed, I said it was uncalled for and he apologised and said he didn't mean it that way at all it came out wrong - he then said "ok tell him your my temporary ex-Mrs" with a big smile, I was a little taken aback so I just changed the subject... What do I make of this?!

Well you can add it to your biography or you can just not pay attention and thats it...
Do you like he tell you those things? If you dont then dont go to that path, if you dont like it just say: Those comments are not appropriate in a work place, lets focus in what its important...work we can do those tasteless jokes when we are not working.

And leave it like that, smile and focus on your job and thats it, its not what he says, its our response what mades them not respect us.

I am gonna give you an example, the other day I was working and I had to show my manager she was wrong, my old me will had confronted her and tell her thats weong!! Instead you know what I did? I went proactive, did it the right way and leave it like that, from that moment she started to do it always like that...
The trick? I was confident and believed in myself, so she could not doubt, words are words, and you dont pay attention to that.

I think you misunderstood what I mean - The joke wasn't a problem, I understand what he meant (it was based on something we'd joked about a few days ago) and I know he didn't mean it in the way it came across at all - I just wanted to explain that so that part so I could explain the context of him saying i'm his "temporary ex-Mrs".

Its the first time he's directly referred to the fact that we may have a future, it shows a massive shift in his thinking & attitude... I think?!

Upwards- to be honest, I read temporary x-Mrs. more as a "potential or about to be x-Mrs."...and who knows what or if your H meant anything by it? I am not sure it shows a big change in thinking, so be careful not to get your hopes up and maybe just notice it as interesting?

I made a joke with my wife in bad taste a couple of months back that she didn't take too welll. I thought things were getting better but the wounds were too raw to be making such jokes. Your event sounds similar given the past couple of days. My wife set a boundary for such things and I never went there again. Perhaps explain to him why you felt it was inappropriate. You've done so well to do things to help yourself so stay true to that path.

I think you misunderstood what I mean - The joke wasn't a problem, I understand what he meant (it was based on something we'd joked about a few days ago) and I know he didn't mean it in the way it came across at all - I just wanted to explain that so that part so I could explain the context of him saying i'm his "temporary ex-Mrs".

Its the first time he's directly referred to the fact that we may have a future, it shows a massive shift in his thinking & attitude... I think?!


Oh ok girl, now that you explain it here we have an example of how not receiving enough info lead to miscommunications heheh.
I am glad to hear that the joke was in good terms then.

Yeh I'm not reading anything into it, but along with other things he's said & done today (hugs etc) and over the weekend he's defo more affectionate and his behaviour is changing towards me.

Continuing to focus on ME and working on my own stuff also working on GAL stuff lots this week too!

Today H commented on how well we are getting on & asked if I agreed, I said yeh it's great but also hard for me as I didn't want to settle as 'just friends' permanently, he said "well my feelings are changing, I'm getting them back, that's all I'm saying" and went on to say that he's scared of commitment and thinks that's a big part of it... I changed the subject.

Another very positive comment from him & confirms what I suspected... Keeping back & focusing on me, just wanted to update.