.... and again, he didn't follow thru. Yep, expected it again. I would think that if a person asks you out, they meant it. Not sure why he is doing that. We worked into the early evening last night... giving him plenty of time to suggest it again. But, he bailed on me/dd. My DD and I went out for sushi last night instead. While there, he texts DD and tells her he was watching a movie on TV. He was supposed to text me last night, to inform me of our client appointment for this morning... he didnt.
Haven't heard from him yet either. I have church at 11. Then a brunch with the women from the church to discuss their retreat. Heard the last one was awesome... will want to go this time.
This Tuesday is my send-off meeting for the Weekend Away. Yep! I have committed to going away with this group of women. I leave Thursday/Fri, come back Sunday/Mon. (not sure of travel yet). I will come back empowered as a stronger woman. Which will prepare me better for my mediation appointment on the following Tuesday.
This is bad timing for business, with year end, etc.... GREAT timing for me personally!!
Just not sure when or how to tell him....he will be sure to guilt me about the timing for year end and busy season, leaving him to do the work.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
i guess... but, how do I tell him? When? How much does he need to know? He will be annoyed as it is bad timing for business. I will "hear" the wrath from this ... he will hang it over my head.. if not now, later.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I would advise him as soon as possible of your pending travel dates. This is not something you would just drop on someone at the last minute. Advise him of the dates that you will be away and if you feel like you need to tell him anything else, just advise him that you are going away w/your church group. Nothing more.
You had the opportunity to go away to Florida and you didn't do it because of work. Now, it's time you starting thinking of yourself and this short trip will do you a world of good.
He's a big boy and he can handle the business for a couple of days. Nothing earth shattering should be going on during that time and if it does...he can handle it. Time he realized what you bring to the company.
Magic, you worry entirely too much about what he thinks of you and what he's going to say to you. You are a grown woman and you know what? You need to get a life, a life w/some fun and socializing in it and this is the perfect trip for it. Go and have some fun.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
yes... this is an issue for me, as I know what has happened in the past on these types of issues. I know what to expect from him. This is the stuff that I would try to stand up to him and then get his opinion (not a full partner, not working as hard as him, made to feel guilt, etc) and then get reprimanded about it many times later. He would bring this stuff up later to remind me that this is what I did.... and he didn't. So yes, I do have the fear of how to tell him and yes, it is control.
I know I need to take back my control of me. I always had fear of hearing his "wrath" and reprimand and it be used against me. Here is the thing, I have stood up many times before, as I am now.... but HE doesn't accept. So, not really sure what I can do differently?
Another thought came over me on the weekend. Yes. I have allowed his rejection of me, assist in fuelling my own rejection. I need to really realize that I have FULL VALUE, and not push it down to suit/accomodate him regardless of his MLC crisis or not.
I will be telling him today about my travel for the upcoming weekend. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks, however I do want to make the right statement, as I don't need to make him (my business partner) so comfortable with my whereabouts.
"xh, I am booking this weekend off, as I am going away to a meeting in NY".
If I tell him that I am going to NY... he will think shopping (and get annoyed) If I tell him that I am going to a meeting... he will think, ah...she's just with a group of women (safe) If I tell him that I am going away ... he will think shopping (more annoyed, avoiding work during busy season).
Maybe I should just say "I'm going away this weekend...not shopping"...or is that gaming?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
yes... this is an issue for me, as I know what has happened in the past on these types of issues. I know what to expect from him. This is the stuff that I would try to stand up to him and then get his opinion (not a full partner, not working as hard as him, made to feel guilt, etc) and then get reprimanded about it many times later. He would bring this stuff up later to remind me that this is what I did.... and he didn't. So yes, I do have the fear of how to tell him and yes, it is control.
I know I need to take back my control of me. I always had fear of hearing his "wrath" and reprimand and it be used against me. Here is the thing, I have stood up many times before, as I am now.... but HE doesn't accept. So, not really sure what I can do differently?
Another thought came over me on the weekend. Yes. I have allowed his rejection of me, assist in fuelling my own rejection. I need to really realize that I have FULL VALUE, and not push it down to suit/accomodate him regardless of his MLC crisis or not.
that really illustrate the problem a few of us see with your mediator who immediately saw something special and unique that you should entwine with the business. You are describing a codependent if not abusive relationship. You need to develop the strength to stand on your own two feet and state what you're planning, and let him have his feelings about it. The way to learn it is to do it.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I have been on board for over a week, not to entwine relationship with business. I can see it now.
Hmmmm.... it all makes sense.
Advina, the "co-dependancy/abusive" of my statement suggests him or me is co-dependent? I already know that I am, and am "trying" to work on it.
Yes, the way to learn it... is to do it.... But, that's exactly what I used to do before... not sure of the difference now. I guess just keep doing it, regardless of "his issue" about it.
Ken, you make a good point...however, informing him of my weekend...gives away all my cards. Isn't he supposed to "wonder" sometimes?
Gabby, i like what you suggest too....however, he will assume "shopping"... and I don't want him to think "shopping"
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Here's the deal you either go or you don't. Your choice and your SO's opinion, thoughts/comments should not enter into your decision. You are separated from him and what you do w/your personal time is your business.
Advise him today of your time off and don't get into a long winded discussion with him. Tell him that you will be taking a few days off at the end of the week, but will do what you can to ensure that the work is completed before you leave on Thursday. Also, advise him that you will not be available for phone calls, texts or emails while you are away.
If he questions you about what you are doing, you can then decide how much you want to tell him about your business. However, it's on him to make assumptions and not for you to add to them, i.e., lie. Honestly is the best way to go because one lie will lead to another and another. You wouldn't like for him to lie to you about his whereabouts...now would you?
This issue is an easy one to resolve...but YOU have to grow some backbone and take your power back. Stop allowing him to control and/or manipulate you. You are not some pet dog sitting there waiting for daddy to come home. You are a grown woman! Now, get to it and tell him of your decision to take some time off.
You are making a mountain out of a mole hill about this little trip. Again, you have two choice go or don't go. Period!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
