Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Upwards - DB myself to happiness! #2

Upwards - You sound really great. I often think about the squirrel analogy

Good luck this weekend!

Struggling today, very tearful & feeling down urghhh.

It is a roller coaster of emotions for sure. That won't stop, but the frequency and duration of those dips will become less and less. There's really no short cut there. I think the best you can do is feel those feelings, try to dig thru them to get to the underlying causes, and then let them go.

I can't stress enough how important it is to work on yourself now and leave your marriage on the back burner.

I couldn't do it and my wife came back after 9 months. I spent that entire time worrying about everything I couldn’t control and trying to save my marriage. Now we are back together and I still have to fix myself.

When your H left, it opened a huge opportunity for you. If you work on you and become who you want to be then if you get back together or not, you will be better, stronger and happier.
I get that it’s hard. As a good friend of mine would say “you have to take a leap of faith”.

Upwards, as Breakdown said, situations like this truly are a roller coaster. I'll admit, I've cried more times in the last 6 months since my W left than I ever did in the entirety of the rest of my life.

I think for your health you need to try to detach from your H as much as you can. I know from my own experience that the more you tie your happiness to another person, especially one that doesn't seem to care much what they're doing to you, it can be brutally hard.

The other thing to keep in mind (this may not make you feel much better) is that what you're going through emotionally is totally normal. Facing the loss of a spouse and a family unit is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. You might need to just let yourself be sad when you feel that way, don't fight it. Take time for yourself to feel what you're feeling.

I'd say i've detached massively & have fully accepted that my marriage as it was is completely finished, I wouldn't want to go back to that anyway i'd want to build a new relationship with my H.

Some days it really hits me hard but I suppose its a process that I need to go through to keep moving forwards, instead of fighting the tears I came home & let them flow, I really needed it & feel much better for it. I am a very strong person and tend to just "keep going" and that often means I ignore the signs that actually I need to just fall apart, have a good cry and then get back up again - I'm learning though! Each time I have a day like this I feel a little bit stronger afterwards so i've tried to keep that in mind today.

I see this opportunity as a gift, i'm able to see things with so much clarity & understand things that went wrong much better. I have learnt so much about myself and i'm bettering myself all the time, I wouldn't have been able to do that without this separation so thats a plus point for me. My confidence is growing and I know my worth, I know that I deserve to be loved & respected and if my H cant offer that then i'm ready and willing to walk away for good.

I just become overwhelmed sometimes, tiredness & hormones play a big part in that!

Do you mean the trigger or the reason behind why I feel so upset/sad? I struggle to pinpoint the underlying cause at times, usually its because I miss him, so loneliness I suppose?

The trigger is usually reasonably easy to figure out....but the underlying reasons can take some digging. Sometimes it's simple...sometimes it's not. And it's not always the same each time. Peel back the layers.

You could feel a lot of things....anger, guilt, loneliness, resentment, confusion, anxiety, betrayal, fear, disappointment, etc. So feel it...and then dig into it. Why are you feeling this way? Where's it coming from? And then let it go. And then move forward in a way that leaves that feeling behind you.

Next time I feel like that i'm going to try that, I usually try to distract myself until it passes but certainly willing to try something different and try to identify whats underneath, always willing to learn more about myself thanks Breakdown, fab advice as always!

Starsky