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Hold your head up Paul-You're a good guy and you're working really hard. I just know there is happiness ahead for you.

journal: I emailed W with follow up statuses from all teachers regarding status of D16 due to accommodations from concussion. no response. D16 started talk therapy this week. D16 asked for space from W (W continues to call, text, Fb msg her almost daily to try and engage her). I asked D16 if that was ok. She said it was stressing her more. I asked if I may carefully communicate to W that D16 needs space. D16 agreed that would be fine.

I sent a short email to W stating that D16 is continuing to move along with therapy and has specifically asked for space during this time as she works on things. I told W that D16 has heard her and that she will respond as soon as she is able. I told W that I've encouraged D16 to maintain her relationships and allow them to flourish as she is able to do so.

W continues to be more "foreign" each day. Filing for D has not resolved any of the emotional issues that have lead to the death of the M or any of the aftermath for our family. Filing has only insulated us for further financial harm.

my older Brother contacted me as a courtesy to say W called his W (my W and brother's W are old friends for 30 years and we introduced my Brother to his W). My brother's MIL passed away last weekend, I called W and told her about the loss because of the long friendship the girls share. my brother relayed to me that in the hour long talk W never mentioned me or the D situation and only really spoke about herself and her horse activities. I'm glad he mentioned that she called.

I understand more at this point, that W didn't like her life and "threw that life away". Seeing it this way, make me see that I am only collateral damage in this and that I was not solely responsible for W's unhappiness or her decision to leave this life behind. My walk continues. Its cold and windy, but I'm bundling up against it.

Your doing a fantastic job Paul, keep on putting one foot infront of the other and i'm certain there is happiness for you just around that corner you sounds like an amazingly supportive Dad to your children, they're lucky to have you, you should be proud!

Thanks. I've made a few strides. I have also allowed myself to try out some very casual "coffee dates" over the past couole of weeks. I am simply enjoying learning to be me again. No expectations about making things into a hested romantic R with anyone. The concept is simple. Meet for drinks snd snacks or coffee and something for desert and just get to know peolle and practice "being me" as a single person again.

One thing I do see from this....I am really raw inside and am nowhere near wanting anything more than good food and some good convo. I just wanted to stick my toes in the water and see what at felt like after almost 2 decades. It feels strange but I have made some new friends and that's been nice. The poeple I've met with have no illusions as to my place alone this walk. So they also understand I'm not looking for "the one". I am enjoying seeing different personalities and learning more about myself too.

Journal. I went to D16 therepy appt. It was nice to see the work she is doing to recover from her accident. She was proud to show me.

I had an encounter with W in my driveway yesterday morning. I was lewving for the day when she arrived. I let her know that I'd be in meetings for the dsy and that she was "it" in case of emergency. I gave her the kids schedule for the day including D16's modified one. She reiterated that she could take d anywhere if needed but then added the ME AND D16 Don't want her help. I asked her not to include me in that statement and told her that I've encourage d D16 to reach out and maintain a healthy R with W. She further said : " if I were the one in your shoes (the one at home with the kids etc.) I would have told D16 that mom is picking you up after you appt and that's final...instead of allowing D16 to get a ride home with a neighbor. " I told W I will not force D to spend time with her. I feel that doing so will cause more issues. T seems to agree and I told W that.

Why are WAS soooo oblivious to everybody else's want/needs and hurts...?


This week I chsnged up my gym schedule so thst I am here in the morning and more available to the kids. Even though tbey don't vocalize it, the quiet response seems to be positive to the change. I ama dad first and I can tske care of my needs after they are all set to go.

Good for you, Paul!

Journal: I had a good talk with D13 today. She told me how she's been feeling since the split. She likes her separate life now and thst she has time with her mom in a place that is peaceful for that and time with her dad in a place thst is peaceful for that.

She tearfully reminded me of a convo between me and w in NOV just after bd. She overheard the entire convo and its a moment she can't forget. I apologized to her for my failings and for the fact that our family is broken. I owned whst I could. And I just listened to her. I asked her to explain more when I felt I didn't understand something and I repeated back to her whst I did understand so that she heard thst I was listening.

I feel the weight of things today. I got confirmation yesterday that the courts have processed my D complaint and it will now be served to W. My L didn't explain the process to me before and I didn't understand how it works exactly.

D13 expressed that she regrets or doesnt like the way ive treated or gotten along with SS26 over the years. That is something's that in recent months ive continued to attempt to address with him. D13 said W apologized to her this morning while dropping her off at my house for the way things are going. She said she regrets that our M is ending and our family is breaking.

My situation is wearing on me today. I feel it more and wish there was more I could've done to save my family from this.

My W got served today. I got an angry text from her regarding it. I replied that I don't understand and did I miss something. she replied, Oh yea,I got served with Divorce ad custody papers. I thought you were going to have a L draft up plans and we could share the L. I told her my L said WE can sit with him, but that the filing of the D complaint is mechanical and it simply tells our county that we intend to D. that's all. Now we can sit down and figure out how to split it all up (or I guess she can hire some one else to do this....) help????

more angry texts....WTH??? she asked me for this. She left me. She told me she could not be married to me anymore. Is she crazy?!? I even told her I would go ahead and start the paper work when she told me her decision an she said OK.....did I mention...WTH????

Her anger is her problem. You have no control of that but you don't have let her emotions affect yours.

You chose to file for D, you made a stand for you.