Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I think I belong here....

Yes, will do!!

It is infuriating the confusion I feel. I went dark today when I woke up for work. I didn't seek him out, I stayed downstairs with the kids and started getting ready for work. He came down to ask if I needed more sleep. No thank you, I'm fine. Then he tells me applied for an extern position with a local hospital. I told him good luck.

We are such good friends but we can't have a marriage. This is more of the same for us.

that's a good idea praying - i think i may try that too! job's idea is good too I may try both. let us know if it helps you.

I keep coming back to the words broken, lost, and scared. That's how I describe myself. I feel so bad for my kids. They adore their father. He does so much for and with them. I'm sitting in a corner by myself at work crying. I feel broken.

I do understand how you feel and in time, you'll pick yourself up and move forward. Allow yourself the time to grieve and cry as much as you need to. Allow the pain to wash over you and then release it.

When you feel better, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. Plan some things this week w/the children and get out of the house for a bit. Leave hubby at home doing his own thing. You need just as much space and time as he does to heal.

Well, I would like to add a suspected EA to the mix. She is a classmate of his in her early 20's. He has talked about her before and I think they are texting a bit. His nursing class always texts and gets together to study. Being one of 7 males in his class means he is surrounded by females but he has always mentioned this one girl. She is his FB friend and 'likes' or comments on just about everything he posts...even pics of him and the kids. Now he has started liking her stuff as well. She went to his high school and they are both really into fitness. I'm just getting little warning bells going off in my head. I am sure it has been building over the last two months because this semester they have all of their classes and clinicals together....there is still 6 more weeks to go.

A week ago I asked him in a playful way: "Is there anyone at school I need to be jealous of?" He got this goofy smile on his face and his cheeks turned a little red. I said "There is, isn't there?!" (still in a playful way). He said: "That wouldn't make sense for me. School is almost out and I am joining the Navy so it wouldn't make sense to get involved with someone now." He has told me before that she is nice. That she was sad at school because that was supposed to be her wedding day but they called off their wedding when he cheated on her. They obviously spend a good deal of time together at school.

Anyway, I know...no snooping, no asking, just let it go, right?

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Yeah let it go. I suspect the same thing from my almost exH and I did ask in the beginning and I think he lied. It really doesn't matter, I mean you can't stop it, you can't change it, have to let it run its course. If you argue about it you're pushing him away. If you ask him questions it could be considered controlling or not giving him space. Just focus on you and not what he is doing. You can drive your self mad thinking on it and wondering about it. I am telling myself this too because I find myself thinking about it. Takes a lot of time and patience and forgiveness. You end up hurting yourself by snooping. Move the focus to your children and yourself. Detach lovingly as they say.

I am paying all the bills, paying for his cell phone, paying for his health and dental insurance... He is a freeloader talking to another woman. If I didn't have DB, I would be kicking him out and off of everything. He needs insurance to continue in school. Good luck getting that with no job. Grrrr...

The funny thing is that not even that hurt right now. Maybe it will hit me later. I always expected him to get curious about other women. He never dated before me. I was his first girlfriend, first kiss, first everything.

I have had a semi good day. Took my oldest to her gymnastics meet. (she did amazing!) He is working an all day event for her gymnastics fees.

Found out the OW took a course to get her motorcycle license (H wants a motorcycle now). She is joining the Navy as soon as she graduates. (H wants to join the Navy now) She is 15 years younger than him.

To be honest, no matter how strong I am pretending to be, I am just devastated today. I know exactly why he has turned to her. She is giving him attention and that flutter he misses from our marriage now. She is probably fawning all over him and he is eating it up. I understand his excitement in this new girl.

Please, someone give me some words of wisdom or encouragement. I am on the verge of tears here.

Okay, I know no snooping...I just needed to know how long this has been going on. Seems like they started texting here and there at the end of Jan. 3 1/2 weeks later he doesn't love me anymore and wants to separate/divorce (eventually because he didn't move out right then). Their conversations have gotten progressively longer and longer. Never calls, just texting. They are always on days when I am either at the gym with the kids, sleeping, or he is away from us.

So, yes, I can say for sure there is an OW and an EA...at the very least.

And with that, I am done with my snooping. I know and now I can move forward with the correct information.

What do I do next?