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Hi Miimi, sorry to hear about the apartment dilemma. Do you have to make a change in your living situation right away? Could you do the roommate thing for a bit and see how it goes? Who knows, maybe you will enjoy the company.

It's late here and my mind is not working that well, I guess, because when I first read your comments about the fish allergy, I was thinking she was allergic to a pet fish, like a goldfish in a bowl. I thought, "well, does she really need to PET the fish???" Then you said it can't even be in the air and I was REALLY confused. Hee hee.

Sorry you are working so much . . . are you doing what you want to be doing right now, or can you make a change?

Mimi, you are still SO young, and you don't have kids - there is so much opportunity out there for you to find love again - when you are ready.

Until then, you just keep stalking those cute boys.

My current lease is up March 31st.... where I live now isn't ideal, I don't feel safe, but the surrounding towns are lovely though, I could possibly move to one of them if where I am considering it too unrealistic right now.

Where I am wanting to move is much close to the main city, and that is where all of my "new friends" i've made since BD live. So when I do hang out with them, they all catch the train home in 15 mins, while I am driving home alone for an hour. Also if I'm going to live the "single life" it would be much more fun and interesting in the city and not in the suburbs where it's more family oriented.

But I will definitely put a lot of thought into it...before I decide.


My job is ok, I use to love it, but now that I feel like i HAVE to work it survive, it feels different...I'm just growing tired. I am going to start looking for a possible second job that I can end up transitioning to for good that will hopefully pay much more than I currently make. Working is so overrated lol I wish I could just travel for the rest of my life....paint, dance and love.




Ha... for the first time in life I am buying age creams and vitamin C serums to hopefully knock and 5 years off of my face. The crying and swelling of my eyes over the last year has definitely done a number on my under eye area. I feel like I have to "compete" again... I've never been one to wear make up, but I'm buying it now and shall learn how to apply it. lol

It's amazing how time flies my birthday is in April... a few days before my 30th birthday in 2013 my H told me maybe we shouldn't be together. In several weeks it will be that time of year again....I hate that I feel that a year of my life was some what "lost".... I definitely learned things over this year... but sheesh.... I will be 31. I can't wrap my brain around that, as I never really got the chance to wrap it around 30.

I had a few agencies show me apartments yesterday... there was one I loved....so today I printed my credit score & report, made copies of my ID, made copies of my check stub and other income and confidently turned it all in with the application (they only needed the app and were going to do the leg work for the rest on their own)...they said thanks and they'd get back to me on if I was approved in two days.....but with in an hour they called and said everything I turned in looked great and the apt was mine!

So they will email me the lease to bring back in w/ my deposit.

Hard wood floors, here I come!

This is the first time I have been able to get an apt. With just my name on the lease.... I got my first. Apt at 21 and my dad co-signed....then age 24-29 H was on our married leases....after BD I moved and where I live now told me I didnt make enough and I had to crawl to H and beg (well ask...but it felt like beg) him to sign with me so I could live in this crap hole w/ scary neighbors....and an outside door that my dog has ran out of twice and scared me to death that I wouldnt find him or he'd be hit by a car.

So this feels good. I hope things continue to look up.
God is good.

God bless, I'm excited for you and the doggie. I hope it's a warm and happy home during the whole time you live there 😊

Yay, Mimi, I am so excited for you! It will be great to have your own place, with only your name on the lease, hardwood floors AND near all the action! Plus, I am betting it will feel like a fresh start. Even though your H didn't live in your current place, I am betting that you went through some really tough times there. Now, upward and onward!!

Thanks so much Unbidden
Thanks Melissa, yup, fresh start. I am just hoping things stay on an upward swing b/c it sure feels good

Glad things are looking positive for you Mimi! Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts! I hope you get to decorate it to your tastes.

Thanks K and thank you for your prayers and thoughts... much appreciated.

I asked the friend that's staying w/ me, to stay until I can quit my current job (i hope to in the next 3 months), b/c I work a 12 hr night shift and my dog has been soooo good staying home alone, but I feel bad and even though I know he's sleeping, it can't be good to "hold it" that long and I never want to do that to him again.... I would've never done it had it not been for my sitch... but having her living there is helpful w/ the dog b/c she takes him out and plays w/ him at night when I'm not there. Right now I am 15-20 mins from my job, and when I move I will be 35-45 mins away and that totally wouldn't be cool for the dog.

So she's going to stay for a few months w/ us b/c also to her advantage, staying with me gives her a chance to save money that she would not have an opportunity to save otherwise. SO it's a win/win.... but hopefully I will be able to have t0 come to an end/end in 3-4 months lol because I do love my own space so I hope to find a new day job soon then quit my night job after working 2 jobs and saving for a few weeks.

Also something I noticed.... it's funny how time changes perspective. When my H left and said he didn't want anything.... and all of our stuff was left behind in storage for me to pay on my own, and I didn't want any of it either b/c I thought it would remind me of him (which I am sure it will upon initial viewing b/c all of that stuff I worked my butt off to purchase w/ no help from him, to decorate our place and make it a beautiful and comfortable home).

But now that some time has passed, I do want to my stuff back and I am excited to see it(there's a large entertainment heavy center cabinet and coffee table set and a wooden bed frame I want to get rid of, but everything else I can totally use and want!). My new apartment has multiple rooms and I am excited to decorate! Hopefully I will be able to drive and get it in April.

I can't believe it, but April will be a year since H said "I love you, I would die for you.....but maybe we shouldn't be together".... O_o

Things truly do get better when you let go, trust the process and just live life and see the process through to the end...don't rush it, don't slow it down....let it ride.

Every once in a while I will think of something that makes me teary, but other than those rare occasions, things are so much brighter than they were a few months ago. So for anyone who is still feeling low, know it does get better if you just accept what is and become open to all possibilities....PLAN A, B, and Z....and know whatever plan takes form you will be able to handle it and be better b/c of it.

I was emailed my lease to print and sign today and I was actually proud to see the blank spot next to my name.

I've worked my butt off these last few months, and half of what I've saved will have to go to my deposit (lol i hate that) but I feel like this is what I have been prepared for in the last few months... I don't know what will happen but I feel ready for it. Some of our brightest moments are cultivated in the darkest times.... I am ready for the sun to shine!

The thought of me filing has crossed my mind a few times.
I don't feel comfortable dating and still being technically married. (Not that I have been approached by anyone but old men thus far lol...but once I move I know I will there will be much more of a chance to run into people my age etc... and I just couldn't and don't want to have to tell someone I am "technically married").

But then I think that maybe that's what my H may want, for me to file so he doesn't have to spend the money.... or so then I can be the "bad guy" instead.

The last contact I had with him in January I gave him my work address b/c I knew he wouldn't send it before i move from my current address, even though I gave him the heads up that I will be leaving here at the end of March.

If he doesn't send it before I quit my job, then I won't receive it.... I am not giving him my new address, I don't want him to know where I will be living or anything about my life. If he doesn't send anything by the time I quit my job, I will send him an email and let him know to send any mail to my parents address and they will mail to me.

I changed my name on twitter, IG ... and I will soon on FB as well. I am thinking of changing my phone number too. I've had the same cell number since I was 19; I think it may be time for a change. But I don't want to exist to him and I don't want him to exist to me... I don't know if that is a strange feeling to have?

I don't know if this is weird as well, but I am thinking of going by a nick-name (and that's funny b/c I usually hate nick names/shortened names... if your name is Robert, I prefer to call you that over Rob).

When I initially thought about going by a shortened version of my real name, I was like, maybe that would be strange? But then a few days later the message at church was about how God changed Abram name to Abraham (as well as others) b/c they had a new life and a new mission. So I felt that was confirmation of my thought to "shorten" my name... plus it's much cooler & cute.

I feel like I am a new person and I have a new mission... I don't want to go back to being "mimi" in life any more or in my next relationship... I just want to be "mi" (me)...the new me.