Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Here again, afraid it may be too little too late

On another note I was searching the web the other day, forgot what exactly I put in the search criteria, but one of the first links was a site to "get him to leave his wife." That made me so angry. There is so much junk out there, (cheating sites, how not to get caught) is it any wonder why there is so much divorce? And let's not forget the sites that say "it's ok" to leave your spouse or the "10 reasons you should divorce." Crazy. Funny thing, or not so funny really, one of H's good friends is recently divorced. My H has said what bad shape he's in, drinking way too much. Made a drunk post on FB one night, H didn't give me details but can only assume it was about suicide, that prompted my H to reach out to him. Yet, here my H is putting his family through that. I think my family and my marriage is worth fighting for, even if it has been rough from the start. Grrrr

Having limited contact with H is very hard. I have only contacted him about taxes and bills mostly. I know I should have patience but I don't. I want him to miss me, miss his family but I'm worried he is taking this as me accepting what he wants.

I know I need to detach, GAL, work on making myself happy. I am trying, but sometimes I get consumed with these thoughts.

J

It is hard but patience is they key and you're doing great. He might be missing you, you just don't know. Even if he thinks you've accepted the sitch, that'll cause him to likely let his guard down and that's good too.

If I could quit focusing on the negative and start focusing on me I would be so much better. I just feel like my H has made his mind up and he is very stubborn. He (we are) is not happy therefore he thinks this is the best decision. It doesn't help that we have lived apart because of his work for soooo long and I'm pretty sure there is an OW involved. I still have not started working out again and know this will help me feel tons better. And it won't hurt to look good when I see him next!

J

Yes, working out again is exactly the approach you should take. You go, girl.

[quote= I want him to miss me, miss his family but I'm worried he is taking this as me accepting what he wants. [/quote]

Lost, I know exactly how you feel. I get consumed with the same thoughts too but Sandi has set me straight. My W is still living with me and the kids and I want her to miss me and the family too which is probably even more difficult because she is here. Because of me working on LRT I too worried my W would think i accepted the sitch. But if your spouse wanted to get back with you, would you accepting the sitch make them not want to if indeed they did. I dont think so. You can't make your spouse miss you or the family. They have to realize that on there own. So just focus on yourself. I know it's so hard. I'm struggling too. I wish you all the best.

I'm really working hard right now not to text my H. Haven't had a breakdown in a while so I knew it was coming. Can't get the thought of him with an OW out of my mind. It makes me sick to my stomach. Tough night, wish I could just fall asleep.

J

We've all been there. You're being amazingly strong. Take care.

Lost,
I've been married 18 years too. My wife is out tonight more than likely with OM she claims only EA. She said she was meeting her girlfriend for dinner at 630 but it's now after midnight. Her girlfriend has an OM; she's been having an affair for over 3 years. I hate how all of my W's girlfriends are divorced or have OM. They are just enablers and have not helped our sitch. I used to text my W when she was out. I no longer do. You need to resist the urge. It won't change anything. I don't sleep much these days either. This forum is great for support. Be strong ..you can do it. I'll pray for you too.

I hate nights like that, when the thoughts of what W is doing gets to me. I still have trouble sleeping too. You are not alone. Hang in there!