Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Well it's probably too late, but I've gotta try

Now she wants me to find the car title so we can change the name to her. Does she expect me to do all the work for her to get the divorce done. It's not like I'm hiding it, it's somewhere in our files, she can look for it just as easy as I can.

How much work am I supposed to do on getting the divorce paperwork done? I'm willing to fill it out with her, but I don't like being bossed around.

Just had a bad convo with W over the phone. She was bringing up splitting up money and my retirement, which caught me off guard. I thought I handled it ok, but was probably a little panicked, because I thought she didn't want anything, beyond alimony.

Anyways then she starts going into talking about her mom asking her over and over what is really going on. Her mom thinks there's an OM involved. My W asks me if that's what I think. I said yes (should I have just ignored the question? Idk). Anyways she doesn't say yes or no, which must mean yes I assume. She starts breaking down crying saying she's sorry she's ruined everything. I told her I understand that she is sorry and sad about it. This caught her off guard a little, as she was surprised that I validated her feelings. She goes into say I'm a good guy, she just doesn't know how to respect me the way I should be. Which just made me realize this thing really is probably over.

Then she starts going into how she's going to do her best to raise the kids with me that God would want. I haven't been bringing God lately into our conversations as I'm not trying to guilt her, but when she brings God up as somebody she has to please I was pretty much done. The convo had dragged on too long anyway. I told her I had to go to bed and I'd see her tomorrow.

Ugh. I just can't believe I'm getting divorced. I never thought something like this would happen.

This part about the OM is really bothering me, that I don't know really what's going on. Like she'll beat around the bush about it and then kind of say something and then not. I haven't been asking her and I know not to, but she brings it up herself. I don't appreciate being toyed with like this. If something is going on why doesn't she just tell me instead of making it a mystery.

Should I just flat out ask her if there's an OM at this point? I haven't read the DR book yet (I ordered it last week and should get it soon). I have my 2nd session with my coach next Monday. But in the meantime I'm really tempted to try and find out. Is this a good idea?

Well it's very hard to be upbeat with her right now, but I'm trying.

Do I share family information with her? My sister deleted her on Facebook and my whole family doesn't like her right now, but they said it's up to me to share info with her.

For instance my brother just found out that he and his wife are having a girl - he told me yesterday. Do I tell my W about this?

Also my sister is going into labor today. Should I tell my W about this?

I guess if she asks I would tell her, but I don't really feel like sharing info about my family with her.

Unfortunately, at this time, don't share anything with her. Be friendly, answer questions politely, but don't volunteer any information. Reread Sandi's list.

I know I'm supposed to stop a divorce, but there are times like today where it's like hmmmm.... maybe divorce wouldn't be so bad.

The kids stay with me typically, but last night I went out (GAL) they stayed at my W. I pick them up and S4 tells me they went out to frozen yogurt with OM. D6 tells S4 that they weren't supposed to say anything. She's always maintained that OM is just a friend, but walks like a duck, quacks like a duck... She typically watches the kids overnight 1 night a week and she can't go that one night without seeing OM. I told her it is not appropriate to make the kids lie for her.

I know I'm supposed to be only worried about my life and not caring about her life, but when she starts asking my kids to lie, that is a line that she can not cross.

She can do what she wants even if it's wrong. You have no control over that. Worry about you and what you can control-- and that's only you.

I have young kids also and one of the first things I did was put in the divorce decree no other people non related can spend the night when children are present. May be something to think about for you. It applies to both my H and myself. My H agreed on that issue. Good luck!

I really like that idea. Especially now that she's confirmed to me that there is an OM. Did you tie it to anything? Like a monetary penalty? Or do they lose time with the kids?

I'm often wondering if this whole no persuing thing is the right way to go. In my relationship with my W I never really persued her, she kinda persued me and she was the one who did most of the relationship work. Not to say I didn't plan things for us to do from time to time and tried to keep things romantic occasionally. But I could have done a whole lot more. I would do a whole lot more in the future.

I don't know how serious it is between her and OM, I don't believe they are planning to move in together anytime soon or anything. I know she's getting the D papers written up this weekend and I'm going along with it just so I can get a good deal for myself and my kids.

But I'm still having doubts that I did all I could have. I'm having doubts I did all that she needed from me at this point. If I ask her out this Friday to have some fun as friends is that really a bad thing? It would be a total 180 from what she would expect from me. If I ask confidently without desperation and if she rejects me I just react that it's no big deal, maybe another time. If she says yes I can keep things relaxed and as fun as possible.

I sometimes get the sense from her that she doesn't feel loved. That she's alone and I wasn't the husband I should have been. Right now she could use a friend and I could fill that role. I don't know, maybe I am desperate right now. It's just hard to believe that only working on myself is the way to go. I mean I'm going to work on myself anyway, but shouldn't I show her that I want to work on our relationship as well?