Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers tbm4evr ...continued

Any of you ever post inspiring stuff on Facebook/social media for your H/W to see to make them think about coming back/reconciling ...I'm not talking about something that would come across as pursuing but just thought provoking ...just a thought I had and I may be way off base but obviously in the position I am in I am looking at every possible thing/angle.

I have been staying off all social media, especially FB for just this reason. The temptation is too great to post certain ambiguous posts, but IMHO, the WAS will see through it.

My thoughts exactly but had to ask. We just got back from a family vacation and I posted a family pic and even that got her all upset. She'll go on a family vacation but I can't post a family vacation pic - sheesh go figure that out. I think all the comments (beautiful family, etc.) got her upset.

TBM, the glass of wine or making lunch is not so bad if it's something you want to do. Just don't have expectations or look for reactions. I do the same sometimes when my W comes by the house. I'll get a drink out and ask if she wants a glass of wine. Its something you can do to be kind but not if you are actually going out of your way to get a reaction.

I too turned off facebook. I kept trying to put positive things up there but found myself regularly looking for reactions from her and then would see things she put up that would make me feel bad. Like the day she changed her last name back to maiden name on FB. Its not always snooping, but if you are looking and thinking about what those things mean that she puts up...it kinda is.

I did put things up earlier in that I thought would get a reaction but I think all I was accomplishing was guilt to her or nothing. Guilt doesn't help, it just keeps her from doing anything but feeling bad and acting more negative towards me. And when I got no reaction it just made me feel bad for thinking she didn't care. Essentially, it was just me hurting me. Not sure if that applies to you but maybe a useful perspective.

Yeah, not looking for a reaction just always have done those things. Habits hard to break ...I've been trying to call her by name but still find myself saying sweetheart, hunnie, baby, etc.

I kind of agree with you on the FB thing. But I'm looking at thought provoking things to have her reflect on what she is doing not to make her feel guilty ..mind you if she did end up feeling guilty maybe that would help her change her mind on the D?

Anyone here been through the Retrouville program? I don't know if W would go and obviously would be pursuing if I asked her. However, my MIL just asked me if we were still together in marriage counseling and I said no ...she suggested that she would offer up to my W/her daughter that she would pay for the program
and take our kids for the weekend if we would go ...advice/suggestions? Anyone familiar with the program. Good or bad idea in light of current sitch? At least if she said no it would be to her folks not me....

[quote=tbm4evr]Anyone here been through the Retrouville program? I don't know if W would go and obviously would be pursuing if I asked her. However, my MIL just asked me if we were still together in marriage counseling and I said no ...she suggested that she would offer up to my W/her daughter that she would pay for the program
and take our kids for the weekend if we would go ...advice/suggestions? Anyone familiar with the program. Good or bad idea in light of current sitch? At least if she said no it would be to her folks not me....

One of Sandys rules is to not ask for help from family members so I guess this is a no - no?

I went to Retrovaille with my H. It was a wonderful program. I don't know enough about your sitch to say if you two are ready for it, but I would definitely consider asking your W to go. I think that, with respect to Sandi's rules, when it says not to get family involved it means don't try to get family to interfere or take sides etc. This is totally different and would be OK, IMO.

Tbm,

Learn to look at complaints as good things. It gives you a chance to validate and change. It's much worse when the complaints stop. I saw complaints as a sign that she still saw hope of change in me. When you've totally given up all hope, then you stop complaining because there is no point.

Just my 2 cents.

Hs

Thanks so much Unbidden for your feedback. My W and her folks are strict catholics. Our kids go to catholic school and we attend church regularly. My W and I went to see a marriage counselor together for a while and then a therapist/psychiatrist individually and together but never any therapy/counseling with a religious component that Retrouville seems to consist of. What do you mean by being ready for it? At what point is it best to attend?