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Hey, Paul, self-flagellation is never the answer. We get where we get when we get there.

No one is timing you but yourself.

At some point you'll see your self worth. Your kids do.

Artsy mentioned going to a meeting, and I've been thinking this week I need to get back to AlAnon. I learned so much there and it kept me honest with myself.

Maybe you should give it a try.

happty birthdsy artsy! We will get through this!

Journal: I have twinges of self doubt today. 20/20 hindsight...looking back and wondering ....couldve, should've, would've. I realized that I need to let these emotions roll through. I am where I am.

I believe this is just part of the whole process. I will continue to improve on myself. Continue to become the best ME that I can. That will help with these feelings. A bright hopeful world is mine for the taking. I only need to reach out and grab it.

That's good, Paul.

It is a part of the process but don't get caught in rumination he!!.

When you notice you're sliding into the coulda, woulda, shoulda consciously tell yourself to stop and go do something enjoyable.

You can't change the past, so it does no good to dwell.

Happy Monday!

Thanks bug. I am begining to understsnd it more today.

Journal: W just txt D16. She expressed her hurt over a fb post that D16 made. It said ..."it would be nice if you txt me sometim to show you care..." D16 posted this on her wall. It was not directed to anyone specifically. W TXT d16 within minutes...." if that fb post was about me, I am hurt. I have been asking how you are with d13 and dad. I am hurt that you continue to thros me under the bus with dad and that you say you don't care about me. I would be glad to take you to any appts you have but I am not told of them until after they happen. I love you and I am here...."

I bothers me. D16 took a screen shot and sent it to me. I have emailed w with each new appt and after each dr visit with uodates. She has not acknowleged my emails and has not offered to help.

I showed d16 my status emails and thst they had been read but not replied to. W is not being honest with d16. If she wanted to help, she would have caled or texted or something. Nothing happened. She could've called or texted d16 but there's nothing.....I don't like lies. Itching to ssy something. Not doing it though.

Oh, my.

I'm sorry to rag on your W here, but wow, is she self absorbed.

Seriously? Her 16 year old D tells her she is hurt, and your W spends 90% of her response about herself and her own feelings, and throws in at the end, like an afterthought, btw, I love you and I'm here for you???

Ugh. UGH UGH UGH triple UGH!!

Sorry, I'm mad now. I am really sorry for your D16. No mother should treat her child that way. And yes, 16 is still a child who needs her Mom.

Sorry M I was not trying to cause anger, but the message from my D really bugged me. I called my Sis to talk it over and said again, was it Always like this??? Yes she replied. you just didn't want to see. UGH!

Paul, how are you feeling today?

How much of this problem is yours?

What can you do to help your D with this?

Your W has her issues, you know that. She's not going to miraculously become someone she's not. Don't go to the hardware store for bread.

Hi bug! Feeling good today. Life continues on. My fog at work is beginning to lift. I walked 2 miles on the treadmill this morning due to some rest the doc wants me to take. I had skip my normal HITT class. I communicated D16s upcoming appt schedule to W. I see W in a way that is not attractive at all. In fact its repulsive now. She's become something I need to complete (the divorce part of all this). I don't think I really knew her. I am finding out there was much more behind the scenes that I was not told. Ugly feeling.....I will move beyond this.

Today I feel good. I feel very blessed. My walk continues. At this ooint I am joined by my kids and we are alone. We are excited to see what lies ahead on this path.

D16 did tell me she's stressed over the upcoming divorce. I offered her to see a C again if she wants. I was stunned when she said to me angrily yesterday when I was trying to explain Ws lack of contact with her..."you don't know the mom I know....you never really did know her....you have no idea who she really is or what she did behind your back...stop giving her the benefit of the doubt. You look foolish when you do because she's been awful to you....."