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Thanks, bug. I really am not all that focused on what H is doing- unless it directly involves me or D12. Then I most certainly am! I note them here for various reasons. I promise- I keep doing what I do regardless of what H does. He has no idea I was hurt by the birthday sitch. I am very consistent in interactions with him. I was having a pity part and invited you guys to join me

I am doing my best to detach- really I am! I made note of lake property because that "could" change his social circle. Which would be a lifestyle change for him and his D18 back in his life is definitely a positive step for him. Just documenting so I can see the forest for the trees, so to speak.

I make note of my interactions because I only see him once a week, at most. More like every other week, really. I get a lot of info during our visits, so I guess I throw it out here for feedback.

And I absolutely think this is a lesson from the universe. I have work to do. I am working on the whole compassion thing- he clearly is struggling. I throw such fab pity parties that I forget he's over there having one, himself.

Speaking of doing work, I gotta go get ready for my trip! GAL, full speed ahead...

As an aside, this whole thing has forced me to cook more. My entire life I found myself living with people who LUV to cook: college roommates, after college roommates, boyfriends, both H's. I never bothered to really try because I didn't have to.

Well, I'm all about it now! I'll try anything if I have/can find the ingredients. And turns out I'm pretty good at it!

I still don't like cleaning up afterwards, though...

Artsy-

I was responding based on this: And how do I "open up room for change to happen"? I definitely try to control things, especially when someone else is just sitting there afraid to move!!! wink help me, Bug! Lol. I feel like I'm not going about things the right way, but I don't know how to change it.

Have a great time on your trip!

Ahh! Ok- that makes sense. Lol

I most definitely try to work things around MY schedule. I am learning it doesn't work with relationships.

Back from my trip- it was a success!

H texted several times throughout the weekend- totally casual/benign...checking in.

I got home last night and he was VERY chatty via text. Our texting has become very flirty, which is different, so I'm interested to see if that means anything. He is sick...AGAIN (if you're keeping score, it's at least the 4th time in 3 months, and this is a man who never got sick over the past 5 years. His body can't keep up with the stress) I offered him my extra special codeine cough medicine. He has thanked me several times.

He wants to stop by tomorrow and talk about my trip...interesting.

Had IC today. He said I showed tremendous growth with the whole birthday debacle- even though I had built it up to epic proportions in my head, I didn't jump down his throat OR shut down on him even though I felt hurt. So I got that going for me! IC was also impressed with the movement forward H has shown by contacting his D18- it shows a humbling and putting aside the ego that is difficult for most people, and especially men. He though H's estranged R with D18 ironically mirrored how our M went and how he handled it, so he is "interested" to see how H handles the healing with this...

The main thing I took from IC today was that I need to encourage everyone in my life when they exhibit behavior I appreciate- especially H. So, he feels H mentioned his contact with D18 to clue me in that he is doing work in an important area in his life. He feels H is moving as fast as he can- it's slow but it's all he can do right now. BOTTOM LINE: my homework is to tell H I'm proud of him for reconnecting with his D18. This is a 180 for me- I'm just not a cheerleader. I'm supposed to practice with my D12, and then work it in to other Rs.

I've got work to do!!!

Hi Artsy,

I'm just catching up on your thread. I'm glad you had a great trip and it sounds like you've had some positive interactions with your h. That's awesome.

I wanted to chime in as I have a hodge podge of spiritual beliefs. I try to live my life by karma, but I admit I've slipped every now and then. I too struggle with how to make certain changes. Yes, I know I need to make them for me but I'm wondering what to do. Sounds like your IC has been very helpful.

Keep up the good work!

Hi, GB! Thanks for stopping by!

I really like my IC- I find I look forward to my sessions. It was a struggle in the beginning, and I cried through most of the hour I was there. But now he just challenges me, and he's SBT so most of his advice mirrors what is said here. I'd go more often if it wasn't so expensive!

Do you go? I think Therapy should be mandatory for everyone. Lol! I wish I had gone years ago, maybe I wouldn't be here!!

hi Artsy. Just checking in. Looks like things are moving along nicely for you

Hi, Paul! Thanks- I'm trying to let go of my expectations with all my Rs. We talked about that a lot today in IC. I'm getting better at it, and as I mentioned on your thread last week, there's no "special days" for months, so hopefully I can heal some more in the near future.

I still have my dark moments, but they don't last as long.

Hi Artsy ,

I do see a therapist. I go this Thursday and have some stuff to work on. I'm actually excited:)