He is still in love with me. It was so wonderful to be held and in his arms again. The sparks are still there. He discussed ways that we could/should take short business vacations, etc. How he enjoys my company and it wouldnt be the same to travel without me.
We hugged... it was super super nice. Sexual tension was there...for both.
He admits to wanting to go slow, without a label of "reconcilliation" (my wording). Lets just keep doing "this stuff" with progression.
So... I guess I am to just follow his lead and see where it goes.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thanks Kate... thanks for popping in.. A new fresh perspective.
I am blown away at the moment.
Yes.. space and detachment was a unanimous piece of advice by all. Those are the 2 things that I feel I have done. But, still need to do.
How do you mean when you suggest that H just reversed the pursuing roles?
What business meeting alone? (lost here)
"If someone wants to be in your life, they will make the effort"... THIS I need to SEE!!! I hope I have the patience to sit back and watch. I am too eager to want to "be with" him again. I told him something along the lines of this tonight when we were within each others arms. He said he is showing it, slowly.
Yes, I have seen "some" effort to change coming from him. He said that is why I got the apology last night. Why he wants to compliment me more (complimented nails tonight). I have seen him seek out the positives in light of the negatives in our days. I have seen him "try" to get better. He knows there is work to be done.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"I appreciate ALL the DIFFERENT view points. You each make excellent points that I am considering. These are not at all one viewpoint."
How can you be so blind?
" actually ALL the people above had the exact same advice.....space and detachment."
KP just posted her first comment to you and even she saw that we were all saying the same thing. That's what irritates me. You just don't get it. We are all saying the same thing. You just don't get it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Because Bond, I already was giving space and detachment. I already knew that advice from DAY 1. Not once did I seek that information, but the other advice on coffee time, etc. Things like how to attract, etc., being reminded to follow Sandi's 37 rules, etc. were the advice I was/am seeking. I have given space and detatchment pretty much right away. As soon as I realized how important it was in the early months. I listened, I actioned!
All the opinions were quite different. Different people, different opinions. Not all one like mind.
Did you not notice that at the bottom of the post, I already knew I needed more detachment? See thats whats so frustrating about you, I do what I am told and you just don't see it.
Now, the situation is changing. It IS different now. Wondering, what the next steps are.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I am sorry, I guess I didn't write what I actually meant.
The miami comment, was about joking around possibly needing a new laptop ... in case I have a Miami meeting. It is suggesting that in my new business position/or current one... that I will suddenly become a world traveller. It was not directed or used as bait, for him to say "lets vacay" together. Although, he is encouraging this type of travel for us. And I do see your point.
I will be very careful not to throw bait. But, I know he has intentions of more coffee times and even to go out for a beer. Do I not accept these offers? I will "wait" to reply... no immediate responses.
I agree about pushing now. I am fearful of that. So, I will continue to go about my life, independent of him and do the things that need to get done. My next outing, will be the womens support/mentoring group on Tuesday night.
Thank you Kate... this is good stuff!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
When you suggest that she doesn't exist, does that mean that my boundary is void of her too?
I posted this previously:
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
The OW doesn't exist to you. You don't talk about her, you don't think about her, you don't snoop, you don't acknowledge that she exists.
Regarding boundaries, you have mentioned setting some regarding how you will interact with your H relative to his involvement with OW. Other than setting that boundary, which is for you and NOT to punish him, see the previous paragraph.
Do you understand?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Hi PM... not really, although I am trying to wrap my head around it.
Lemme try: SHE DOES NOT EXIST, therefore proceed with caution when entertaining H's pursuing ways, i.e. coffee/visits/beer date?
Is that what you mean?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Hi PM... not really, although I am trying to wrap my head around it.
Lemme try: SHE DOES NOT EXIST, therefore proceed with caution when entertaining H's pursuing ways, i.e. coffee/visits/beer date?
Is that what you mean?
No, it means she does not exist, so you shouldn't be spending any mental energy on her at all. You're too busy working on yourself. And after all, how can you spend mental energy on someone who doesn't exist? Get it?
When I say "She does not exist" it has nothing to do with coffee or your husband or anything else. It means she does not get any rent-free space in your brain...that's it.
Regarding the intricacies of your R with your H, I don't know your sitch well enough to speak to those precise questions. The macro-level approach I posted about earlier in this thread is as much as I feel comfortable with (you have a lot of threads). Here is what I posted:
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
