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Well the day has just about ended. the kids actually treated me to dinner for real and paid for dinner. they even treated me to an Ice cream cake. What a day. I am blessed. We shared stories about when they were little and I read the Dr. Suess Book "the Birthday Bird" to each one of them year after year on their day. they each remembered it. they had to ask me to stop doing it when they were old enough. That was hard to give up. I love being a dad.

I passed W on the road today...she didn't even acknowledge me. this is my first birthday in 17 years without her. Calls, texts and FB birthday wishes came in by the dozens. I heard from this group too. I am blessed. I had a few small twinges that W was quiet. With each day, I put her more in my rear view mirror. her choice really....Life is calling. time to see what's out there

What a cute tradition you had with your kids, Paul. Keep being the best you

Bthanks blues. I am going to

Glad you had a good birthday, Paul. How lucky you are that you get so much time with your kiddos. Hopefully in time your W will get it together and be there for them too.

Happy belated bday!! Your kids sound like wonderful people.

Journal: weli I got thru my first birthday and I am still alive. Lol. After wondering how it would feel and worrying about it I survived. Therd are people who value me. I have to keep that in mind. It was tempting to think sbout W and feel bad that she was quiet but I just let the feelings come and go as they needed.
W excused D13 from school today without speaking to me.they are going to a trade show for horses. D13 told me before she left for school yesterday. She asked if I knew. I said I didn't. I simply txt W and told her she must submit excuse papers for thst. I'm not doing it for her. She said she already did. More of the same behavior. I will have to bring it up with L that I would like to hwve W notify me directly about things like this. I've asked her enough.

Strange thing..W now asks D13 to leave items she wants to retrieve in the front porch if we are not home. I found items on porch when I got home yesterday. It was windy I brought them in and that's when D13 told me to l leave them outside due to request. She wanted to sleep over but now wontt enter the house???? I know..25...why bother asking why. I hear you! Just venting.
After revelations that W vented her poor opinion of me to my kids and others and frequently lied to me about things, I see very little chance of my M surviving. I am begining to see that I will likely be divorced sometime in the near future. I see a life without her.
I feel a sense of pain and self loathing for not seeing what does was happening. Others around me hwve been happy to tell me now that W is gone what happened when I was not looking...they say love is blind. This may be true.

Onward into this new day. Have a great day all

Didn't you file?

You sound like the door is still open.

I'm confused.

hi bug. I filed and I am moving forward. I was writing to express my feelings regarding losing the M. But that's what has happened.

Strange feeling overnight...anger. lots of it too. Tears...I can't believe what I didn't see and how kuch time I spent going in circles.

Hi bug something else I didn't see in my writing...there's a hint of wanting things to act like before. I almost didn't see it until I read it again. Funny what comes out of us when we are just pouring out our thoughts on paper. No the door is not open. Still its almost surreal what's happening. I feel like I am watching it instead of living it. Does this make sense?

Hi, Paul- I am in angry mode, as well! Hopefully it's just the aftermath of the birthday (for us both-happy belated). The rest of the year should be smooth sailing!

...at least on my end all the sentimental days are behind me- I have now survived "the first ______ without H" it has to get better, right?

I feel like I took major steps backwards this week in my progress. I'm headed to an Alanon meeting today. I gotta snap out of it!!!!

We'll get through this!