Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Part 2-H moving out

Thanks Cadet and Job. You are right ! Gotta take care of me and my kids. Heartbreaking night. My older 2 were sobbing hysterically because they don't want to see their dad tomorrow. Said they had never seen a person change so much and that he just wanted to make them miserable.

It's sad. Many kids cry because their Dad is physically gone. My older 2 cry because their old dad is mentally gone and they can't bear to see the new one that is physically there.

We will get through this. Lots of cuddles. Thanks

Hi everyone,

H had kids for about 6 hours today. He of course took a nap during their visit and told me he didn't feel well. I nodded and did offer up the theraflu here (I only take the occasional Tylenol) and said we will see you tomorrow. I'm not sure if this is the right approach, but I always make it like its time for him to move along. I'm not rude, but well I always make sure I'm pleasant but busy when he gets here. Remember, it was a prison living here:-)

I smh today because h always said people who put all of their business out were idiots. Same man live tweeted kids visit today. Just sent me a text about a show u would like. That's one to ignore.

Hope everyone is well.

Ok, I had to smile. I'm at my normal wake up time ( ugh!!!) and realized I have 2 kids, 2 large dogs, and the cat in the bed with me. Where is the partridge in a pear tree ?

Brutal therapy session. Brutal because I needed to hear to some of it. Therapist noted that I have a difficult time showing emotion and I told her that is why people always think I am made of steel. Of course, I'm not:) I told her it is much easier with my kids but not so in other situations. This is something I have to work on-for me.

She also asked me if our marriage contributed to some of the rage and anger h felt. I said I think he had a lot of rage and anger regarding our relationship, and I wished he would have talked to me about some of this. Do I think his anger and rage have magically gone away since moving out? I told her I thought he had real issues that needed to be addressed. Just like I do.

I feel kind of ugh today. (Key up tiny pity party with chips and dip!)I mean, I know I am not the cause of everything wrong with h and I know this is totally crazy to believe, but when I keep hearing him say he finally likes himself, I can't help but feel I contributed to the dislike of himself. Realistically speaking, I know a stable 40 year old man doesn't take to Twitter (the only "people" he talks to) to say how he finally feels like himself and likes himself.

I have a lot of work to do on me for me.

((hugs)) Georgiabelle.

Have you tried any 180's?

Magic

Hi Magic,

I was very emotional the last 2 months with h. I cried (something I rarely do) and was very open with my feelings. I don't think crying now is the right thing to do in his presence now that he is gone:)

I'm not sure how to work on the emotion thing. I cried when we told the kids he was moving out (this is a man who cried at "The Notebook") and he did not. I know I do need to express my feelings more but I'm not sure how or when to do that.

I was devastated when my Dad died unexpectedly 8 months ago. My Dad and H were always my biggest cheerleaders and now I don't have one. Geex. That made me cry just typing that.

I did many 180s. I made frequent touches to h and initiated s after he BDed. He said he knew I was trying but that I just wasn't that kind of person. He said we were done after I had a car accident with my kids. I know you actions need to be consistent, but I don't really feel like I can continue to do those actions now that he has moved out and said we are done.

Any thoughts appreciated:)

Georgia,
I would not initiate any frequent touches or "s" w/him now because he's out to lunch. It sounds like you may have attempted to pretzel yourself to please him and truly weren't being true to yourself when doing the 180's when he was at home. Step back, leave him alone and only contact him about the kids or emergencies. He needs to be alone and work on himself.

If he calls, don't be as quick to pick up the phone on text him. Take your time responding back to him and the hardest part is detaching. You've got to let him go in order for him to grow up. While he's attempting to grow up, it's a good time for you to grow as well. I know it's difficult when things look bleak, but you can do this and whatever changes you make, you make them for you, i.e., not to win him back.

Have you been check out by a doctor recently? If not, you may want to consider making an appointment. Why? Because you don't know where he's been and we don't want to discover that you've contracted something from him. If, by chance, sex comes up again, make sure you are protected.

Now, I'd like for you to sit down and make a list of those projects and hobbies that you've put off doing for a long time and let's see which ones you can begin to work on to help take your mind off of your nutty buddy.

No matter what happens...you are going to be just fine.

Hi Job,

Thanks for the feedback, Job. Actually, I am a rather "touchy" person but I had gotten away from that. I just wasn't "touchy" with him. I have some thoughts as to why and I'm working with my therapist on those. I think no matter what I did (after BD while he was in the house) was going to be met with venom. This is the same man who blamed me for a traffic jam:)

Since moving, I have only initiated one text. H was sick and I didn't want him to get the kids sick so I texted to let him know I would just take kids to school. I either don't respond to his texts or take a couple of hours to do so. Not contacting him is actually easy. I send no cute kid photos, no funny stories, nada.

I have been to the doctor. My doctor remembers my h from all three c-sections. She asked how my cute h was. Sigh.

You know what? I am one of those crazy people who goes non stop. Work, kids, laundry, dog washing, etc. I love to write and I do journal. It is very cathartic for me. I need to focus on being in the moment. I struggle tremendously with that. I used to love to just like to sit and look at the sky for a while or listen to the birds (does this sound hokey?). I always feel like I'm running a sprint.

1)Finish decluttering house
2)Restart my blog (the one that doesn't deal with my personal life)
3)Have a big a$$ yard sale
4)Need highlights
5)Gear up for my Disney trip with my kids. Want us to have a magical time.
6)Have dinner/drinks with friends. I miss this.

I know you are right. Whatever happens, I will be fine. Sometimes the middle is the painful part. But I know-no pain, no gain.

Thanks!

I do need to keep reminding myself I will be fine.

That's how mine feel. My 11-year-old says her dad is a ghost.