Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Divorce on the table, Hoping for Miracle 2

^^^^ please help vets

Hey, groov, what specific questions do you have? There's a lot of RE stuff in there that's probably best handled by a professional in that area.

The help needed is not for the details of the assets, but on how to validate show empathy ect. The stuff is just stuff. Need help on how to respond.

Thanks,

Groov

It's just stuff yes, but it needs sorted out and that's what she's asking for, your ideas. This a business negotiation.

"W, thanks for letting me know your thoughts on this. I am trying to keep both POV in focus and, like you, have our children's interests in first position."

And then go on the answer her questions.

HI Groov,

I have been MIA a bit and am just seeing your posts. I agree with LA...she gave you a good line. Remember what the wise DBers say also...only believe half of what you hear...etc. you know the one. I say that in regards to everything that she said to you, and your SIL. You are doing very well, and at this point there is no harm in validating by saying what you think about her POV...but she says she has ideas and doesn't say what they are. Perhaps she has said them to you, but I remember thinking this before when you posted something similar. Is it possible that she doesn't want to admit she needs you...and doesn't know where to go from here? Meaning, she has thought about it so much and it doesn't look good from her side... and she's willing to take the short end of the stick but she wants you to say you will give her a break?? I think this is a perfect opportunity for you to flex a little muscle. Maybe you can take some initiative and give her some clear and fair, business-like options which will send a message that you take her seriously and validate without saying that you specifically agree or disagree with her choices.

Does that make sense? It does in my head!

Did you get back to her yet?

Also, I didn't understand the "divine impression" thing. Why does this make you lose hope? Does she mean she will not get back together unless some miracle happens? I'm confused? But if that is the case, your hope should remain high!! Miracles happen when fear goes away and love replaces it...so, act towards your W with loving intentions..and just wait!

Youre awesome Groov! Keep it up!

Groov? You out there?

Yeah I'm here... I've been meaning to update my sitch...

It looks like I can no longer drag my feet... W is coming from a place of Fear and pride. She wants me to take action and decide what "I" want to do. She tells me she wants to cut all the bad past out of her life and move on so we can all be happy.

I feel bad for her. We can't cut things out of our lives we can only pass through and overcome.

So I am starting to take measures to protect myself. I am being lovingly cooperative but not proactive

So if this path continues Groov will be D'd in a matter of months.

Sad...

Anyway I have been good though. I'll update more... When I am not at work.

So... Tested some waters.. 2x4's please

TEXT:

Me: I can't stop thinking about...

W: What?

Me: You and the kids.

W: I'm sure that was meant for someone else, and that's totally fine. I'm sorry that things have not gone as we had originally planned and hoped for. I want you to know that I really want you to be happy. It seems like you are, and that is wonderful! Hope your day is good, See you tonight. Thanks again for your flexibility with your job tomorrow.


Should I respond to this?

Thoughts, 2x4's welcome.

Groov

Well, I am sitting here at work thought I would update:

W seems pretty set in the direction of D. The funny thing is that she keeps waiting on me to make up my mind on how I want the assets split up. I have basically told her that I want my current residence and the rest is for her to figure out. She goes back and forth on "threatening alimony" and not. I feel she is operating from a place of fear.

W froze the joint credit card last week. It's causing a cashflow problem as it was used to buffer the accounts.

Question: How do I drag my feet in this and still be cooperative? She knows I do not want to D.

I feel sad for the kids... I am also worried about maintaining myself with our family home and make ends meat at the same time.

I am feeling more and more detached from W. She's cold, has a thick wall. I'm 7 months in my sitch and trying to maintain hope, faith and love.

Anyway wanted to vent.

Groov

So if you get the house, you split debt and she gets everything else you're OK with that?