Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I won't give up II

NLT, yes, I remember the story about the earring. You should have put another one in that kayak, LOL. IT is just so bizarre for you H to invite you for dinner to the house which is decorated by OW. Well, I guess my H is not better, when he envisioned the Mexican girl living in the condo decorated by me and having my clothes and stuff all over. But, at least for my H it was still a fantasy, and your H is actually living in it right now (I mean the fantasy.)

I would ask for my share on the car sale. Maybe you will know what he is up to then.

If both names are on the title, it is considered a joint marital asset and you should sign off on the transfer of title, as well as receive half it's worth. I wouldn't trust him about putting the entire amount in an account for his use on his home. Nope...I would want my half of it...but that's me.

Don't be surprised if he signs your name to the title. Mine did that and I got a call from the dealership as they knew me and I told them to stop the sale until I had time to review the offer, etc. My xh wasn't too happy but I wanted to make sure I got my half since it was considered marital property.

You can't trust them when they are in crisis. Don't rely on him to be honest and trustworthy.

Job,

Thanks for the quick reply. That was my first thought, after a string of obscenities. LOL I'll deal with the threats (and possible follow thru) of D or S. I don't trust him. He changes his mind so often now that God knows what he'd do with the money.

I also thought about asking him to sign off on my car as an option. That way he can have what he wants and I don't get scr@wed. We have 4 cars so my idea would be to negotiate the 3rd car so he keeps his truck and the car that he wants to sell and I keep the other 2. Not a great deal for him because the value of what he gets would be less overall. Mental torture for me though. I am resisting the thoughts of separating property when we aren't talking D or S. Intellectually I know that's what I have to do because he may be thinking it but not saying it.

Why do they rock the boat? Why can't they just go have fun, get themselves together and then come home? I know the answer to that.

How's your knee doing? I think about you every time I feel a twing in mine!

Bright,

Why didn't I think of that? LOL That would have told a story if she has found both of them. First a kayak ride then a trip to the bedroom!

My h has a tendency to do the bizarre now days. He lived a pretty straight structured life (because that's how he had to do it to stay mentally organized) before mlc so it stands to reason that he would do it up in a wild and crazy way.

Thanks for letting me know what you think about my h's latest hair brained idea.

Just my 2 cents here - not DBing or anything. Do not make this easy for him. If the car is in both of your names then you own half. Can you afford to buy him out? That would be a solution.

If you agree to the sale it has to be on the grounds that you get half. That is the reality of separation and divorce, and you are separated now, whether it is legal or not.

Remember it isn't about trying to control and manage what your husband does, but ensuring that you are treated fairly in all of this. It is about you. He may or may not blow the money, but try and ensure he only blows what is his to blow.

It is a reality call, which he can choose to note or not. Warning, if you thwart him he may turn difficult. MLCers often do when they do not get their own way. Although your husband does sound one of the nicer ones.

Bea,

I appreciate your thoughts. I could buy him out of the car and hold on to it until our older d finishes school. The two of them have had many go-arounds about her driving the car when she comes home for holidays. She teases him that he bought the car for her and is just taking care of it until she comes home.

He will see whatever I do as a way to control him. They want to be in control of everything and as you said when they don't get their own way they, react in a very negative way. I know what his limits are and this will be pushing it no matter how I respond.

These eggshells are starting to hurt. I have to put my shoes back on and keep going.

Yesterday was a day I knew was going to come eventually but I wasn't expecting a double whammy.

Walking to my car after shopping I see h sitting in his truck. He waves and I smile and continue on to my car. A few seconds later out jumps the ow waving and smiling. I waved and then gave her a quick once-over as she walked into the store. She was either wearing a Halloween costume of she has lost her mind! She is wearing a very short red skirt with a slinky top and red mid-calf height cowboy boots. She looks like a hooker! Maybe a teenager would be able to pull this off but she certainly wasn't. I get in my car and pull out. He honks at me and waves again. I laughed the entire way home.

This morning he leaves a message that I should call him right away. I just got off the phone with him and I am so mad that I can't see straight. He started off with, I need your advice on something and starts in with his story. He must have gone into the store after I pulled out of the parking lot. He tells me that our younger daughter came into the store as they were shopping. He says that they weren't "doing anything" in other words not holding hands or touching in any way. From the way that he was talking, guilt is eating him up. He said they made eye contact but then she looked down, didn't say anything and kept walking. He said he wanted to introduce ow to her. That would have been the right thing to do if he wanted to pass the hooker off as just a friend that he'd run into at the store while shopping for "us" but his guilt got the better of him.

Our daughter is by no means unaware of her surroundings but she is naïve enough that she would have believed that. She and I texted last night and she never mentioned a thing about it. If she were upset or confused she would have brought it up. I didn't mention that to him just now and probably won't. I'll let him stew and think about how his actions might effect not just her but every other family member once they find out. He make it clear that he wasn't putting this on me but just wanted me to know. I didn't offer any solutions. I just listened but he could tell that I wasn't happy by my lack of response.

I need to protect her first but am not sure which way to go with this. I don't want to lie yet I know that this will hurt her very deeply and cause some behaviors that we saw when she lost her grandparents. It took her a long time to understand and many years of counseling to bring her to where she is now. My thoughts are that should this r with he and the ow fizzle, I would feel terrible about upsetting her for no reason.

I apologize for being all over the place here but I know that eventually this will fall on me and I want to be prepared. At the same time I don't want to upset my daughter for no reason should this man come back from fantasyland.

H just called again. Says he's been thinking about this since he say her yesterday and can't get it out of his mind. I told him I understood why and left him talk. He repeated that he didn't want to dump this on me but he just doesn't know what to do. Told him that I too have been thinking about it. He said at this point we need to keep communications between us open. Yep, that's right but I'm still not going to tell him what I think.

I will be seeing my d in a few hours and pray that I will know what to say. H brought up her inability to see things in any other way than black and white and repeated what her counselor has told us many times using the needle on a record that gets stuck in a grove. She can only get so far in her thought process then skips back to the beginning. It must be so frustrating for her.

How can he not think of anyone other than himself here! I want to knock him upside the head with a 2X4 reinforced with lead.

Eventually the reality of the situation begins to emerge. It hurts our children, and sadly we cannot protect them from it for ever.

I think that is why so many of get so angry - not just what they are doing to us, but to their children.

The OW are trailer trash really. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

Bea,

Thanks for replying. I am in a Tizzy right now. I want him to feel the pain that she will be feeling if he ends up leaving. We all know that this r with the ow is not likely to last based on their constant arguments and blow ups. Somewhere in that foggy brain, he has to be thinking about that. This poor child isn't as resilient as he hoped. I am praying that this will plant a seed.

The conversation in my head has me ready to explode at him. I hope I can calm down enough before he comes by to get his truck after work. If not I will leave here just in case he wants to talk about it. I can't face him right now.