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Thank you for replying 2nd. My great consideration for him wasn't really an issue in our marriage, just something I feel he takes for granted. I feel like I'm getting walked on because I'm considerate with him, yet I get no consideration in return. His biggest issues with me are my controlling tendencies and my jealousy. I can admit that sometimes I overdid it with my controlling habits, but other times I felt completely justified. My H's only real responsibility was his job. I pretty much took the reigns when we got married. I handle all our finances, I manage the home, take care of the kids, there really isn't much that is left for him to do. He has always struggled with that, but for the most part I THOUGHT he understood that I'm not trying to be controlling on purpose it is just the nature of the beast. I have to think of everything and manage our life if we want to live the life we want to. My husband is horrible with finances and so I took over and began saving and budgeting. Since he makes the money he has never been too happy about it, but I guess he tolerated it because we remained financially secure. He would tell me that I don't let him do anything and that he should be able to spend however he pleased and that I'm just trying to control his life. Since we have split we have divided our savings and I have been able to maintain it. From my snooping(I know...bad) I have found out that he has spent all of it! In a matter of 4 weeks he has spent thousands! I no longer manage him(definite 180), I leave him to his own devices, but it really worries me that he is in that situation. I wonder to myself if it ever crosses his mind that I was strict with our finances for our own benefit. I've also tried suppressing the jealousy. It's been almost two weeks since I've brought up the other girl. Through all of that though, it doesn't seem to inspire any positive reactions from him. He is cold as ice. Emotionally I'm getting better, I cry less and less everyday. Certain things trigger me, but for the most part if I'm keeping busy with one thing or another...I'm okay. I don't know if what I'm starting to feeling is acceptance, resignation, or what. I don't want to lose hope, but I don't know if holding onto someone that doesn't care too much is good also.

So I woke up today from a nice dream. Our house had sold, my mom, sister, H and I were there packing the house up, and privately my H voices his uncertainty about leaving the marriage to my mother(they don't get along, my mom despises him). She encourages him to tell me about it, and so he does. I am all too happy to hear that and we proceed to hug and kiss. I wake up. See a text from my H that he is going to be late in coming to watch the kids. I debate on whether or not I should ask him if he is staying later because I don't want him to take it as me being controlling. Ultimately, I do text him about it and he responds that he is leaving at the usual time unless I have something to do. I respond with it isn't about me, it's about the kids. We set times(just the other day) that you are going to be here with the kids and now you're coming later. I think you owe it to the kids to stay the amount of time you had promised. He responded with okay. I don't know if he's angry about it or what. I know he wants to leave at a certain time to make his crossfit class(he's into his physique now). So I don't know if he's raging about it at home...

In my sitch I shut my mouth when it comes to her seeing our son. It's her loss if she doesn't see him. I could say, you said you were planning on coming during xyz time, but it's no use. Sure it affects him but I can't control what she does. This is something she's going to learn the hard way. When I can, I do make it easy for her to see him though.

Point is, if it's something you can't control(your h), then let him suffer the consequences of not seeing your child. But if it's something you control(yourself) and you are willing to provide visitation, then go for it. Am example from my sitch. My ex is constantly changing her plans to see our son. If it doesn't affect me I don't say anything. If I am able to take them out somewhere or be home so she can stop by, I will do so.

I'm no expert and my sitch is weird, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I'm so sorry I'm pregnant due next month and we have a 2 year old so I totally understand the complete despair. My H still is home and has no intentions at this point in leaving (so he says) and he goes on as if nothing is wrong. I stopped all R talk and things are better but I am leaving not to have ANY expectations or read into his actions. I feel he is having an EA but denies it tooth and nail so I've been going mad but am vowig to LET IT GO... From the short time I've been dealing with this what's helping me is just journaling my feelings and truly giving him all the space he wants and then some. I will DB as long as I can hold out but when the day comes and I'm done... Ill be truly done. Till then ill fight fight fight.