Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife wants divorce - my first post

Youre suggesting very non db ideas on this db forum; want to make sure newcomers know that.

If w became interested in someone "who listens to her" and objects to neediness and clinginess; there's lots to work on while giving her space. Do it for you. You have the wakeup call to learn a lot more about mistakes you made. Dont pass up the chance by fixating on w and om.

Your W is placating you. She has taken NO responsibility for her actions and instead has blameshifted alot of it onto you.

She justified her actions by using her friend as an example. She didn't take ANY responsibility for her actions. You notice she said that she did it because you were "too clingy"? I would be too if I thought my W were fooling around.

Start getting your b@ll$ back from her. Once you start establishing yourself as the MAN in the relationship, she'll start rethinking things. What have YOU been doing to go out and reclaim your manhood?

Thanks again everyone. Advina, I am focusing on me. I was going to vent to my wife's folks but what good would that do - none. I don't understand what is going through her head. Something I have not mentioned is 3 years ago she had a 2 month PA with a neighbor I suspected. ..i called her on it and she admitted it. Last week she came home and told me she ran into him and conversation was cold but talked to him about his wife continuing to call her to do stuff that she feels she has to oblige so his wife won't wonder what's up (although she has made excuses sometimes)...my W is at her birthday gathering now ...crazy ...i dont know what to make of all this crap. I asked her to quit talking to this guy and the other guy she seems to be having EA with but she won't quit. Should be interesting night with wife coming home after her therapy and the birthday gathering.

Just to clarify ...i asked her months ago to quit talking to these guys...now I am doing nothing even though she still makes contact.

Thanks TL72 ...nice to know I'm not the only one going through something like this.

And so what is your boundary?

I guess I'm still learning ..what do you mean by my boundary? I can't kick her out if she won't stop her EA or whatever it us ... i can set boundaries but there are no consequences ...she is in control ...she filed ..I can't control her

Do you pay for the phone? Tell her that you will not be sharing your W with anyone. The attitude you should be taking is "well, you're leaving anyway, so I'm going to go ahead and do my own thing". What do you do to GAL? To get your b@ll$ back from her?

I got back into my hobbies and go out with my buddies ...i used to be in 5 nights a week. We each have certain bills we have always paid. We both make the same amount. The divorce Settlement she is proposing has no alimony or child support (we have 50/50 split on kids). I told her I will not share her with anyone but she says it's over ...this will be an uphill battle for me to keep our family together.

And how else have you "grown" personally? Have you tried anything new or different?