Paul, I too struggle with small things from my H and wanting them to "mean" something when I know I shouldn't. Today when I was shoveling H was pulling out of the driveway and waved before he left. My heart soared for about ten seconds until I had to remind myself not to read anything into it :\ I keep trying to tell myself that the only thing that will mean something is an actual statement from my H that he is interested in trying!
K I agree. At least he didn't spin the tires and kick up snow. Lol typical was move.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
A quote from passionate marriage by David Schnarch..."marriage is a people growing machine." whether or not I stay married to W, I am growing.
Interesting that you bring up Schnarch's book. What do you think his take yon your M would be, both sides?
great questiom. It was the first work I read about 7 years ago. I'm not certain of thr answerm. We clearly fit the distancer/persuer idea. On my side I think he would say I suffer from abandonment issues. I did not differentiate enough from my family. I also think he would say I an enmeshed in my marriage.
On W' s side I think he was say that she is highly independent. She fears closeness due to some issue (s) thst has not been disclosed. Our issues fit like hand in glove. She needs to push off anf I need to be close. A sick little cycle begins. I loved the book. I must admit I envied the people thst did the work and found results. I am willing to do my work. There is only so far I csn carry this. We shall see. Btw we are bere in niagara now. The kids enjoyed the ride and learned things along the way. They were impressdd thst I knew my way around across almost 400 miles and knew where to stop for food and so fortb eithout looking at the map. I used to have an account newr here all of last year and drove this way a lot. My kids got to see another side of me.
D16 checked in from home. She sounds relaxed and confident about the weekend.
W is quiet. I provided departure and arrival texts as we had arranged to avoid anyway worry . I was inifially feeling a tinge of frustrstion thst she's not sbaring this moment. I took a breath and let it go. I will enjoy this moment for what it is.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Oh and your W waving at you...it means she waved at you.
hi bug. I know. My brain went flip flop for a Few seconds and then I just shook my head and laughed at myself.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
I agree with KGirl and M, She knew how to make it clear she was leaving, she'll know how to make it clear if she wants to come back!
I agree. I am vetting the mindset thst she's not coming back. Gettinv used to life on my own.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Are you familiar with "The Stockdale Paradox"? If not, I'd suggest you do a google search on it.
The Stockdale Paradox is named after an admiral by the name of Jim Stockdale. He was a U.S. military officer held captive during the Vietnam War. His story is profound. It might help put things into perspective for you.
Have a great weekend pal.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Are you familiar with "The Stockdale Paradox"? If not, I'd suggest you do a google search on it.
The Stockdale Paradox is named after an admiral by the name of Jim Stockdale. He was a U.S. military officer held captive during the Vietnam War. His story is profound. It might help put things into perspective for you.
Have a great weekend pal.
Lt thanks we are having a great time. I plan to go to tgi fridays downstairs with coach for a drink after player curfew. the name stockdale rings a bell. I will look it up. Thanks
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
LT I read it. Yes I agree. The other reading that is good...how full is your bucket. Same idea.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
the name stockdale rings a bell. I will look it up. Thanks