Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Moving Forward

I am working on plugging my financials into my planners software. It makes projections to help us understand ramifications of various decisions. Then i will respond to h's settlement proposal with a counter offer, mediation if necessary. Those are the short term needs as i see it. I need to get the kids the support theyre supposed to be getting, and i need to know where i stand financially.

I figure once the settlement is done he will file for d. If he doesnt want to then i probably will. I'm just taking it one step at a time and will see how i feel when we get to that point.

I would like to have this behind me but have little free time to work on it and some degree of anxiety about the money.

Anxiety about money was and still is a concern after my D. But slowly it's going away and I'm almost sure it will happen to you. I learned to cut here and there, work extra shifts and always looking for better opportunities. The fact is that it will be tight for a while. But it will be ok

Hey Ad, just some practical stuff. I was out of work for 15 months. I was (am) the sole financial provider for my family at that time. Here's what I learned on my search. It's just my experience so use what's helpful and throw away the rest.

Finding a new job is a full time deal. Its a job unto itself. Is your employer providing anything beyond a notice date? If not, ask for time in some way to search for a new role. You are still dedicating your time to them which limits your time to search for a job. Is there anything that can be negotiated to help you here?

If they are not willing to offer anything then find time where you can to make a job search plan and act on it. It will be slow, tedious and often frustrating, but every action you take is one step closer to your next job. I was once at a sales conference where a successful salesman said "every 'no' gets me one step closer to my next 'yes'". Seems cheesy but it helps keep a positive perspective in the face of rejection.

Here's my disclaimer. I took a severance package over a relocation which resulted in my unemployment. The package helped but it was not as long as my unemployment. I had to apply for federal unemployment income just to support my family (a humbling experience). I had to drain my retirement and I did it with specific goals (eliminate debt and feed my family). My separation started in August 2008, which experts now say was the start of our last recession (lucky me...)

Get your "elevator speech" prepped & ready. This is a very short explanation of why you are looking for work and what you do. Keep it simple and clear and end it with what you're looking for and the value you bring.

Make a list of companies, organizations that you would like to work for/with. Then start looking for anyone you may know in these organizations to get a foot in the door.

Use the internet to look for jobs & research companies but don't allow yourself to get anchored to your computer. Research shows networking and who you know are still the best ways to get a job.

Find networking groups. I found churches who have formal ministries to help people network and find jobs. This actually led me to a job offer (which I turned down for another). One church actually formed "accountability" teams to help each other stay on task with their job search plans.

The main thing is to attack your job search like any job or project. Have a plan, work the plan, adjust the plan. Schedule small breaks to keep your sanity and as with anything, build your support group.

Over the course of my 15 months of searching, I ended up with 4 job offers. 2 were from direct association with former co-workers. One was through a church job search ministry and one was a completely random internet application (which ironically, ended up being the job I took).

Its like DB in some ways. There are a lot of things you can't control so let go of those and focus on what you can do. Like the others have said, you're intelligent and very capable and some organization is going to be lucky to get you. Its just a lot of work to find it. But like the rest of this stuff, the work ends up being worth it. (((Ad))))

As a teacher, the first teaching job after my divorce, I applied and sent out application packets for every job that I was qualified for...over 57 applications. Of those, I was interviewed 15 times I think and offered 3 jobs.

it takes a lot of hard work to get a job nowadays. Be prepared to open yourself to new job ideas

I love this message board! What depth of knowledge in so many areas!

I talked with someone today at my gym who lost her job and was out of work for three years. That is hard to imagine.

I dont know if i can get unemployment if my s corp fails. I'll look into that.

Just one more week to go and things will be a lot less stressful.

My boy is 16 today; he's a sweetheart.

I was informed today that no one at my meeting is supposed to know it's my last one.

Nothing important changed with that information, but i think it shows a lack of confidence in the acceptance of their decision, that they want to keep the new management a secret.

I don't feel obligated to follow that, as i need to find a new job and can't allow them to tie my hands.

AD,



Great observation!

I hope your last week goes well. Just remember, something beyond fabulous is around the corner. Nature abhors a vacuum and all. You have to close a door in order for a new one to open... while cliches, they happen to be true.

And sometimes, you get to the point where you can look in the rear view mirror and wonder how you put up with stuff as long as you did? I dunno. I'm a firm believer of everything happens for a reason, and almost all of them (if not all) work out for me in the end.

Have a good weekend!

Glad to finally find you over here, sorry you have had such a busy January.

I think its hysterical that they dont want you to tell anyone... Hysterical. Obviously through DB we know how to handle that in a gracious way yet look out for our own interests.

I imagine this is definitely scary but I see so many positive changes in you over the years I am confident your next job will be a fantastic fit.

Hey Ad, did you have the meeting yet? How'd it go?

Knocked it out of the park. I kept "dignity, honor, class" top of mind.

I told a few close members that i wouldnt be seeing them next year (the board didnt want any announcement of it) and they were outraged. They think firing me was a big mistake. It felt good to receive compliments and offers to help with my job search.

It was difficult to be "on" all week with my replacements around. I just tried to show class, honor, and dignity the entire time.

The board told me my reward for doing such a good job is that the new mgmt will start answering the phones a month before my contract ends so i can get on with my life. Thanks, i guess? I'm underwhelmed. I look forward to a future job where my value is recognized.

I felt like i won because i ran a great meeting, i was as professional as ever, i kept my cool when they thought i wouldnt. I felt good about leaving on a high note.

I biked in Sedona today and it was just incredible, no words. Got lost for a bit, saw no humans for a few hours, came back refreshed and ready for a margarita.