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records don't lie

Indigo

I asked this…


And you responded with this…..



Since you seem to be vague in your response, I’ll take it that you are checking the phone record activity online daily. For the record – I understand why you would do it. I just don’t understand the vague responses from you. It almost like you are hiding something. Maybe I am wrong.



What if she does not feel like she can be honest with you? How would you respond if she said that OM right now makes her feel more like a women? Do you think you would be emotionally strong enough to understand that? Or would you just throw her as* out in a fit of rage?

You are coming across like a pissed off, enraged dude – who really only wants his W back. The deeper work you do not want to touch or talk about. IMO, you may save your M and maybe you can postpone getting divorced for a while…but have you really changed? Really?

Have you given some thought to how long it takes to end an R? Have you factored in that maybe she is really trying to end it with him. For the record – I am NOT saying it is okay for her to contact him, or to text him in front of you – nope. But do you really know what the conversations between them are about? Are you secretly recording her conversations? If so, I can tell you that I knew someone who did that. His X pressed charges on him. He lost that battle.

You are so focused on OM right now that all you can see is the pain that she is causing you. What about the pain you caused her? How long did she put up with your chit? How long did she have to deal with your short comings? Oh wait...that is different - right...cause you changed now.


It’s not like you are not answering them – you are. Just very very vague.

You obviously want an answer that will just stop the pain.

Mr. Bond has given you this……

Go home and tell her to tell you the truth – if she lies – pack her chit and take her to the OM house with her belongings.

It may work – it may not. Whatever you decide to do make sure that YOU (not pride, not anger, not me, not your friends, not OM, not your kids and not W) are comfortable with the choice that YOU will make.

Before I go…I’ll ask you a point blank question – it requires just an A or B answer.

Is your success criteria defined as

a) I get my W back NOW

Or

b) I become a kick as* dude that any women would be a fool to leave. If that women is my W great – if not, then her loss

What is the answer – A or B?

That is EXACTLY what I was thinking too...



That is also why I have been asking YOU to define yourself a little more. Your ideas are really good, and what you want is exactly what you should be seeking...

My problem with it all, is that you had NO plan on how you were going to get there.



This was 2 days ago...




Where did that Indigo go ???

I am not recording anything.

I have no idea how long it takes for a emotional A to end, never had to worry about it before. I have no idea what they actually text about.

It hurts so bad right now because I want to give my W everything that I never used to. I feel like her talking to OM will not allow her to see what I have truly become.

She put up with my ch*t for way longer than she should have in my opinion.

I am very lucky to be having this second chance, but knowing what is going on makes me feel like its not a second chance.

It might be the wrong answer, but I want my W back now. I know I have become the a man only a fool would leave. This OM business is not something that would be a part of a real relationship.

that would NOT be a part of a real relationship.

I'm sorry I just cant focus right now. My mind is racing right now. I'm starting to wish I never even said I know its still going on even though I would just be lying to myself. Maybe I should have just kept being a awesome H and she would have eventually stopped talking to him on her own. I feel like I'm going to get home at 5:30 and she is going to say I have crossed the line and we are done. I feel like I have taken it too far by confronting her again even though I know I'm right. That I should have waited until tonight to bring it up and not do it while she is at work.

Last night I finally opened up my heart to her completely thinking the OM stuff was finally out of the picture. I totally surrendered to her. We had a great night together. She sat on my lap and we made out like teenagers. It was great. I was the happiest man in the world when I woke up this morning. That's why I am so floored right now.

Consider that next time you want to confront her and demand ultimatums.


And maybe you still can. Ever heard the term…STFU?


What about what she wants? What if she just needs a little time to work chit out. You are demanding chit from a place of weakness.


Ya think? This is why we keep telling you to relax, stay calm, center yourself – we all know how emotional this is. When you are emotion are all over the place you can’t think straight, you can’t focus, you react with just emotion. That is good in the bedroom when getting busy but not when trying to address R issues.

Do yourself a favor tonight…….

DO NOT BRING IT UP. NOT TONIGHT.

You will have time to discuss it with her – not today.

So your next question is probably….what do I say if she brings it up.

Simple : Tell her you really do not want to talk about it. That if she wants, if it makes her feel better that you will listen to what she has to say but that you will not comment on anything – at least not today. Then you STFU and LISTEN.

If she decides to leave…go talk to a friend… DO NOT FLIP OUT, do not beg, cry or plead. Give her space.

Also, do not overcompensate by acting overly In Love with her. She will see right through it.

Personally, I would not go home until later – I would go do something to get myself centered.

W called and said she is very mad at me. Said that she printed the phone records out and will show them to me but if I choose to see them its basically over. She cannot believe I would doubt her like this. That she has never done anything during our M for me to not trust her. That the whole situation with OM was because I drove her to it, which is the truth.

I did not argue back, I agreed with her and apologized for doubting her. Its all I knew to do right now.

Think of it as an addiction. Your W is going through a number of what they call "false starts" and it happens all the time during Piecing. She's like a junkie that can't get rid of her fix.

Unfortunately this has to be her choice to kick it just like alcoholism. The problem will always be there until they acknowledge that there is a problem.

I know my initial suggestion may seem harsh, but you can also approach her with understanding and tell her that you understand that it's hard for her to stop cold turkey, but that's not being fair to you and that you can't trust her until NC is established. Tell her that you want to have faith in her again and that she needs faith in herself to do it. That a relationship and healing is started by the focus on the two of you and not a third party.

I am honestly terrified to go home. I feel as bad as the day she told me to get my stuff and leave. I hoped I would never have this feeling again. If it was over she would have done it over the phone when she called. I feel like I could pass out at any minute right now. I appreciate you guys taking the time to give your advise and help me, god knows it has.