Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I feel my marriage is done

I think your right that W is living in a "fantasy" world. Everything is moving way to fast & she is going against some of the values that she believed so strongly in before OM/old HS BF came back around. The kids used to be top priority but now OM is coming 1st in some areas of daily life. Good example is in the beginning they couldn't see each other enough without the kids knowing. So by the 3rd week of them seeing each other they introduced each other to their kids. Took me 5 months to meet my future stepsons.

Still unsure how long they were talking/texting when W & I were going through the worst times. I think it was late August because she told me that by then she had given up emotionally.

Don't know what the future has in store, I'm not giving up hope & since neither one of us has talked about D I'm not going to mention it. I want to know her future plans & if I'm involved but that would be pushing the issue. It's just tough sitting back & watching, waiting to see what happens next.

Latest update, W & I had D's gymnastics meet today, had spoke quite a bit but hadn't seen eachother in 12 days. It went pretty darn good. We talked freely about every thing under the sun, I told her that I had fun hanging out & she said the same. Did what everyone has been telling me to do don't ask questions about the future, no pressure, just live in the moment. Don't know what the future holds but at least I can say that W left once the tournment was done with good thoughts in her head.

I'm just taking this one day as that just one day. Because shortly after we got home from gymnastics meet W called saying OM's daughter wanted to give my D a geninue pig & wanted to know what I thought. Said sure when was she getting it? W said next weekend, so OM's kids are now exchanging gifts with my kids, ha ha. This is why I'm realistic on this day even though it was good for both of us just that 1 day.

I know this process is going to be a long process & am not even sure it will turn out in my favor, but there is some things that are in my favor.

One of the other members who is following my posts asked me how long I was willing to wait 6 months...1 year...3 years. As of right now I am not going any place; but my gut feeling says that after we file our taxes as M the divorce papers will show up shortly after. As you can see my mind is all over the place just like the W.

Newyork

Nice name...ftr, it always puts a smile on my face since that is my home town (upper west side).

You sound like you have your head screwed on right and that you not all over the place.


IMO, now is NOT the time to set a timeline. I think your approach is perfect - take it day by day.

Keep the focus on YOU and the kids.

Eric

Agreed.

I like to act as if the M will improve soon, as in a few months or so. This gives me the hope I need to carry on. If things don't turn around by then, I'll deal with it at that time.

Holding on to the hope that we will get through this, and have a better M is key for me. I can't do that if I think it'll take YEARS.

Besides, thinking positive makes it more likely to HAPPEN.

What a day, didn't sleep much last night mind was racing so had to load up on caffeine during the day, that set up the events for what follows. D had her 1st 5th grade band concert W & I went, we had both been running all day before, during, & after work. Dropped D off at concert then went to get a coffee, just what needed more caffeine. W said I was acting edgey, told her I've been running all day. Went back to the school the concert was at tried finding a place to park out front, no luck; well we gave it a try we both said. "Yep no harm in trying, there's a lit of things that could apply to" I said. "Told you you were on edge" W said. This was when MC talk came up, W was & still is mad at me about me saying NO to MC before I moved out when fighting was at its worst. I told her I didn't know as much about it then or believe in it then but had been during some reading & research on its benefits & am wanting/willing to give it a try.

W said she wasn't ready for MC & hadn't thought about D since the week after I moved out, don't think I believe her. W also said she thought kids were in a good routine, stress free environment & understood the living situation. W also wasn't sure if I could maintain the actions she was noticing in my behavior. I told her that I had learned from my past & was taking it day by day.

W also mentioned that a co-worker was also having troubles at home & they had talked to each other about it. That's as far as she went. Overall the night went well besides our little "serious talk" & we left on a good note.

I know I shouldn't of brought MC up but I was trying to get a feel for what W was thinking. As another follower stated "your spouse knows you best" & this is true when W noticed I was acting edgey. I'm hoping I didn't take 2 steps back in my attempt to make things right, sometimes I speak before I think it through, that gas been a past problem that I'm still working on.

Navigating through this is not easy NY. I would spend less time, energy and effort worrying about if you took a step back or...a step forward. Keep the focus on you, the kids and on being the man you want to be. The rest will all fall into play.

Plus - the less you think about it the more peace you will have.

God Bless,
Eric

I've always been the type of person to over analyze/think a situation. At the time I needed to bring up MC just to see what W's re-action would be. I don't need to be in control but I want to know what the near future will bring. With what is going on right now the main thing I am working on is myself.

NY - I get it.

If your W is truly in a crisis mode then I can tell you that trying to take a "temp" to gauge where she is can be a bit dangerous.


Be careful here ^^^....MLCers can change on a dime. Nice one sec..pissed the next. Wants to be with you one sec...hates you the next. As hard as it, separate yourself from how she feels/wants and really just do what YOU want and think it is best. Not an easy balancing act.

Eric

You are right on asking to many questions can be a slippery slope. This time it didn't backfire on me because we were having a nice tune before & after our little serious moment. As for W wanting to be with me one minute then and at me the next, not so much there. W is 100% focused on OM that everything/everyone is coming 2nd at times even the kids. This old high school boyfriend/ girlfriend reunion is moving way to fast for it to last or maybe it will, I don't know. From what I do know & on the outside looking in they are trying to make up the 27 years they were apart as fast as they can. Introducing their kids to eachother after only 3 weeks, driving the 3 1/2 hour one way trip for 1 day of "fun", & W leaving at 4:00am to drive OM D to dance 3 1/2 hours away for a 8:00am practice just to name a few examples. I know this cause W tells me. That in my opinion is moving to fast.

I'm starting to feel like yesterday's news even though we probably text & talk more than other separated couples, that will be coming to an end shortly because our kids sports are winding down & taxes & bankruptcy stuff is almost done as well. It's a wait & see mode as of now, as always trying to take care of myself too.