Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers separted six weeks still on the journey - II

Why doesn't she have equal time with the kids?

Good to know. Thanks for the caution

She may take them when she wishes. She just doesn't. I don't. Restrict any time. S has practices. She never doesnanything with that. Its about the horses...horses first...family last

Rick, good question about not being wanted. Answer IDK yet. Still trying to understand why I stayed sinking when I appeared she just could not/would not be able to give me emotional support or much intamacy in our marriage. I was afraid to be alone I think. I am changing

Journal: my detachment process continues. I got up at 515 went to the church to clean went to the gym after that. I got a text from D13. Could I take her and S 12 to school. W apparently couldnt for some reason. I just sent a yes as reply and kept moving. In past that might have prompted a call or text to ask why. Today I avoided that and remained nc. W asked D13 to get a ride from me and that 's what got arrainged. I realized it was not important to find out why.

I am noticing a sense of peace without dealing with the rejection from W. That is a positive from this. I have a clearer mind now. I am noticing myself mentally looking over my shoulder for W but its happening less now. My goals for the next few days is just to notice when it happens and acknowledge it.

I am trying to make goals that are shorter into the future for now eg. The next few hours or days....that seems easier to work with. I noticed a sense of
discomfort as I move through this. Almost like a child leaving home (a familiar
place ) as I venture out into the world from my homenstreet, I mentally see myself looking back at home. I need to read the map and keep walking. In a strange way after writing this I guessmy W may also experience some of this. I can empathise but I must walk alone. Have a great day all.

That is a fantastic GAL ^^^^^ right there!! Keep it up. The more you GAL, the less you will think about your sitch.

For me, I'd be out on the golf course enjoying the day and out of nowhere this thought would pop into my mind, "Wait, I haven't thought about my sitch, until now." GAL is of extreme importance.

One day after playing a round of golf, as I was driving home, I had an epiphany. The day was sunny, windows down while listening to some good music....and I realized that life was great. Life was going to be great, because we choose to make the best of it in spite of was obstacles we must overcome.

You are working Paul and it is great to see.

Ben thanks! Today feels good. I will take it.

Ok strange thing...I was out with my D 16 at a dentist appt I let her drive. The pain came. I have no idea why. My D saw that all was not right. I told her I was fine. She knew I was not. We agreed that I didn't feel my best and that I was not fine but I told her I would not discuss it. Later I told her that sometimes if I don't feel.my best I will say so and that we could both learn from it.

She said she knew what I was talking about and why. She has it too. I avoided getting into details. She respected that. I did tell her that sometimes it just comes to me...she understood.

I had a great time with S today at his Game. I'm not really feeling bad about continued nc today.

I saw one of my W's oldest friends last night. our kids were ice skating together and we didn't realize it until the session ended and we were walking out.

she asked how sitch is bc she hadn't heard from W. I told her continued NC. W's not contacting me. She said she's not surprised and has seen her do this 2x's before and just keep on going. We'll see

Ok just venting....W pulls in driveway unexpected with D13 to drop her off ad drop off some barn trash too. I am outside shoveling. I wave hello and smile. She completely ignores me. Nice. See Melissa, it happens to me too.

then I start having the convo in my head about why am I still standing and why don't I just cut it off and keep going. Even my neighbors wav hi