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Today officially $ucked from start to finish. The boys are spending the night with H at his parents house. I hope that I am able to get an great night sleep and start fresh tomorrow!

Weird day. H was over for family day. Around dinner h started complaining that his stomach hurt. After we put the boys to bed, h could barely move. I tried to gently suggest that it may not be a bad idea to head to the er, even if h had the stomach bug which is going around. Two years ago H's colon burst which lead to a three month hospital stay and a major surgery. H agreed to go so I know he was in pain. We have been texting and he called to give me an update. This was the first time since BD that I had to stop myself from saying "I love you" before hanging up. I hate that we are not together and that I am not his person to go to if something crappy in life happens. I still love him despite the past two crappy years. Yet I know he does not feel the same. It just really took me back to two years ago when we were still a team. Weird day.

Those times are tough, my H broke his wrist about 6 months after we S and on one of the Ss told me. He had to have surgery, etc.

I remember that I was hurt, I hear you.

thinking of you 3! It hurts because it is so serious to us. this is no joking matter. I too want to say to my h this is me and our children's lives! They don't want to deal in the serious. The joking too I think is a mask. they don't want to recognize the pain.
You are a great mother to your boys. Keep your focus there.
sorry for your h's health prob. my h seems to be sick often and he is def tired a lot!

Hi 3, sorry things have been rough lately.

Is there an update on your H? I can imagine how hard it would be for him to be ill or injured, and not be there for him.

Hope you are hanging in there . . . update us when you can!

Thanks for checking in on me everyone. My H was checked out at the hospital and wound up coming back to my house. Extended family that does not know about S was staying at his parents so he could not go back there. H has bronchitis and either the stomach bug or a flare up with his colon condition. He was able to get meds so hopefully he will be feeling better in the next couple of days. He looks like he was run over for a car.

I am trying to get my feelings back under control. This was the first time in almost two years that I felt needed and appreciated by my H. I know thatbitbis because he was sick and stuck here and he did not have any other options. It just kills me to know that if he could just get to a place where he wanted to try to start a new R we could really have something amazing.

I am hoping that this week starts to improve. I am supposed to head out of town this week so I am praying everyone else stays healthy and I can get a much needed break. I need to get back on track.

I have been thinking a lot about IC. I have been looking for someone that specializes in marital issues. I started to think that if I am going to spend a bunch of money each week to have someone listen, that I should find someone that specializes in the areas that I really want to work on myself. I know that I have anxiety issues. I am very aware of them know. My current IC said that she thought I needed to see a psychiatrist to see if I need meds. I saw one and he said I did not. I know that I can work through this with the help of a therapist. I have already come a long way on my own and I am so different that just a year ago. So I think that I am going to look for someone that deals with anxiety and marital issues. Heck, I would rather improve myself than just have someone look at me with puppy dog eyes every time I talk about how H hurt me.

Sorry for the typos. I am writing on my phone.

Oh my, I can't even tell you how much I hate that. H and I went to MC about 18 months ago, and that's all this woman did . . . the puppy dog eyes and, "oohhhh, I bet that really hurt you." Then I went to IC just after BD and the woman I went to just kept saying, "it's totally normal to feel really upset." My own mother kept giving me puppy dog eyes, and I told her to cut the crap.

Is part of the licensing exam for therapists to give their best sad eyes? Ugh. Does anyone really like that? I guess some people must. Look, if I want to see sad eyes, I can look at my own sad eyes in the mirror and save myself $140.

Oops, sorry for that rant. What I meant to say, 3, is that you are doing some good thinking about what you need in a C, and that's going to help you find the right one.



I am right there with you, 3. The big BUT at the end is the same for both of us though. But our H's are too selfish and might I add, stupid, shortsighted and foolish to get there.

So how long is H staying at your house while you are still there? Is that uncomfortable for you?

I hope that everyone gets well too - you so need and deserve this time away!!

I feel like everyone that knows h left looks at me with puppy dog eyes. So I hate having to pay a therapist for the same thing.

My H left this morning so not too much time with him. I just realized that I will jot see him at all until next Sunday night. This trip is coming at a good time for so many reasons .

have a good time away 3. you need this! wish I could get away!

want to share. I am taking an AD. my dr prescribed. did not have to see a psychiatrist. I think the AD helps. I was very hesitant to take one. But, you know what? it is ok. It helps keep me more balanced.
also the therapist thing. I have been thru 3 now. I think its hard to find a good one and it is costly. I am attending a divorce/separated program. It has really been helpful.kind of like here. we share, vent, give feedback...much cheaper than therapy.