Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers maybe a bit off the edge?

IMHO it is. She's checking to see what kind of mood you are in after she emailed wanting to know if you'd want a D if she continued the A.

It is unusual for you not to respond, isn't it?

The reason I would tell you not to answer her is #1 - it will pull you into further contact. I don't think you are able to do what AS suggested (which would be fine if things were further along), but you are as addicted to contacting and spying on her---as she is to the A/OM. If you don't agree, then see how tough it is not to reply. #2 - She really isn't checking to see how you are. She's game playing.

It would be very unusual for me not to respond.

In fact, if i don't respond to this, it would be the second time within a week that I did not respond - I never responded to her question about the D and the A. She even invited me to call her at lunch or text her and I did neither. Both completely out of character for me as before I would have taken any chance to call her and talk with her.

So far, it has not been all that difficult to not contact her. Not because I don't want to speak with her but as CL said, as a way to further my goal. I see NC as a way to get out from under her shadow and possibly as a way to get her to end the affair (if she hasn't already) and consider reconciling.

And I will be honest with myself and with you all - the possibility of reconciling is still the primary reason. But I recognize this and am working on it...

IMHO, I think NC def has it's pro's. However; I think just like DR says I think it takes the WAS finally getting to the end of themselves and everything/everyone that kept them comfortable totally falling into shambles before they have that 'AH HA' moment. You can ignore a million text and/or phone calls but ultimately like everything else in this process you only control the person you will be. One thing i've learned is to be content with the little things. One thing that's a BIG take from DR is goal setting... i.e. what will it look/feel like when 'blank' happens. I think it's truly invaluable, because we get so caught up in the tactics that we lost sight of the opportunity to grow.

I think there a positives to be taken from your sitch if you go back to the begining. Feed the positive, starve the negative.

Got another email this morning (sent to all 3 of my email accounts with a read receipt) asking if i was going to bother to respond to her other email....

no spying so far this week.

Yay, dingo. She definitely feeling the lack or your presence. Not mindreading about what that means, but she's feeling it.

*She's

i feel like i have to respond.....

Im actually surprised the email didnt say: since you didn't bother to answer me, lets get D.

What do you want to respond with and why?

I guess just to be civil and friendly and to not make her feel ignored.

Was just going to say:

Hey wife. I’ve been good. Busy at work – Boss's boss is up and we’re trying to figure out strategy for this year. Did the check engine light ever come back on? (she's had problems with her car)

Step back. Take a breath, this is you wanting a hit. :)You're missing the high.

I would suggest letting yourself work through that anxiety but you could say something very simple without a question at the end.

"Hi W, I'm busy but all is well."

But give it a day or 3.

Have you read CoDependent No More?