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It sounds like you handled it really well, 3. I don't blame you for not sharing the details. I don't think I will do that, either. In fact, I am torn about whether to even say it was H's decision. I do like how you said that you are just trying to focus on yourself and your kids. It's the truth, and it's what's important. I am betting that most people who ask questions are really just curious more than they actually care. One of the people who is coming over on Sunday for the Super Bowl is a super nosy/gossipy/drama seeking Mom from my kids' school. I know as soon as I tell her, everyone will know. So I want to make sure I carefully craft my answer.

About understanding your H . . . the difference, as you pointed out, is that you recognize that you are not entitled to live such a life.

Wow 3! A lot happened over your time away. I wasn't expecting your announcement of your separation. Is it a weight off your shoulders or a new stress for you? Are you stopping the announcement at work people, or will it become public knowledge to all friends/family now?

I've debated about this for a long time. Why am I keeping this disaster a secret? H and I are not actually separated. We just have no M and no R. Ugh.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed your time away. Hopefully, you will have a nice transition back home. Your H seemed particularly insecure with your leaving on this trip...

Hi Blues!!




I knew that I needed to start letting people know about the S. I was hiding behind the secret and I think that it was causing me to become stuck. I was pretending that everything was okay. I had only told my best friend at work about the S right after it happened. I figured that it would come up on the trip because I was not wearing my ring and what married woman heads to Vegas without her ring. Plus I knew that people may be more likely to ask in a relaxed environment when a bit of alcohol is involved. I am sure that it will spread around my firm, but that is ok. It is my life right now and I don't want to live in fear. I figure that if people ask me, I will let them know. I am not going to seek people out to make an announcement.

I also told people that we know. Ive had to get help with kids rides and we also live on the corner. Every sees she's. Not around. Its not a something to be ashamed of...

I was just going over my calendar for the next month and realized that H and OW will be away together on Valentines Day. Lovely. Even more reason to continue to detach and focus on my own journey.

Gross

Yuck. My H is taking my kids out of town so I know he won't be with an OW, but I don't get my kids. I hope you do something fun with your little loves! At least I have mine in the morning, so I will make them heart shaped waffles for breakfast. I am also going to string up a bunch of hearts in the hallway with the things I love about them written on them. (H got hearts on his bathroom mirror last year. Maybe I will put some on my own mirror this year. I'm also going to make them some white chocolate popcorn with valentines sprinkles to snack on on the plane. At night I guess I will go to yoga. I could ask my cat to be my valentine . . . .

Sorry for thread jacking. Come on over to my thread and post your v-day plans, 3!!!

I should clarify that H and OW are going away on business to a conference, so it is not like he planned the trip. H probably does not even realize it is Valentines Day (it is not like he usually did anything for me in the past). I just hate her (and him for continuing his A).

I love the heart idea. I think that I am going to steal it. I am going to plan a fun night with the boys and enjoy the endless love that they have to offer.

That's very sweet, 3. Melissa-you always have the cutest traditions with your kids. Stealing this one, too

I think that it may be time for some 2x4s. I am prepared...

I had a meeting for work last night, so we changed up our schedule so H had the kids. As always, he watches them at my house. My meeting was not until 7pm. H mentioned earlier that if I could not find him, he may have accidentally fallen asleep with S5 (this has happened before). I did not get home until 11pm. When I walked in the door, I noticed that H had brought a bag over, which he normally does not do. H was sleeping with S5. I told H that I was home and asked what he was going to do. H normally just gets up and heads home. H was out of it and mumbled something about staying, so I just went to change and head to bed. A little while later, H came into my room and we ML. I am still not sure how it exactly happened. We really did not talk before it happened.

This morning I am surprisingly okay and again have little expectations that anything will change. Since we had been drinking the last time we ML on Christmas, I had been wondering if that happened because of the alcohol or because H was attracted to me. I guess that I know the answer now since he was completely sober this time around. I was also missing ML, so it was nice. After, H said started to laugh and said "this is so funny, I have no idea what we are doing." H also said that he loved every minute that he was in the house with the boys last week when I was gone. I don't want to mind read, but my guess is that he was missing being home a bit. Yet I am fully aware that it does not mean that he is coming back. I did not engage him in conversation because I did not want to get into a R talk. I need to keep what happened physically separate from where I am emotionally.

So much for having little contact with H during the end of January/beginning of February like I had planned. H heads out of town at the end of this week for pretty much a month, so the contact will be limited. And I am completely prepared for that. As news spreads around the office about the S, I am getting better at telling my canned story and it honestly is a bit freeing. I don't feel so desperate to save the marriage and have no one find out about the S. So I will continue to keep moving forward and allow my H to continue on his journey because he seems a bit more confused if that is even possible.