Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wouldn't wish this on anyone

As always, think you AS!

My IC made it clear I can't do this until I'm detached, because H's response may not be what I want to hear and I need to be in a place where that won't delay MY forward movement or send me in to a spiral.

IC suggested this convo because H said he wants to work on R, but sometimes his actions do not match his words...sometimes they do, but there is a consistency lacking.

Either way, I'm a long way off from being detached, unfortunately I'm working on it, though! Full-speed ahead with my GAL!!!!!

Thank you for clarifying, AS-- I wasn't sure at what point DB says to let that kind of convo happen. So far, my IC is on board with DB advice (although I don't think my IC thinks it will take as long as I do to get detached)

Ok- I just need to document something:

I am having a moment of feeling totally ok. This is HUGE because it's the first such moment since h left! This gives me hope!!!

Can I bottle this for later, cuz I know I'm going to need it soon again...

great job with this Artsy. You are right, our timelines are similar. Good luck and I'll be sure to keep following your thread.

Thanks, Paul! I haven't heard from H in 7 days. Truly helps with the detaching- he will pop up eventually, though. He has to- his dog and all of his tools are here!

Ok- POLL!

How many of you changed some stuff around the house after WAS left? I ordered new bedding and am going to paint the master ASAP. (This is not a manipulation tactic, as he truly may never see the bedroom again )

I also took down a few of our pics that were bothering me.

I'm finding it unhealthy to live in a house that was dedicated to our M when he isn't here any more. And he left EVERYTHING.

What have you all done??

It comes with time, it's hard to rush detachment! Stick with your GAL and be patient, both with H and with yourself.



A lot of people here take down photos and such, and move furniture around and paint rooms. It helps to make it feel like YOUR place instead of the old marital home.

DANG IT!!! I had to contact H today- I am not happy!!

His parents own an apartment unit where one of my friends lives. The heat is out and she doesn't have H's phone number (his parents live in FL, so H takes care of the unit) so she texted me to ask if I could pass the info on to him. This friend does not know the current status of our M.

I tried to just give her his new number, but she asked if I could just let him know. I couldn't think of a decent excuse so I caved. (Didn't want red flags to go up on her end).

So I texted him the basics.

Then I lsent another text to let him know she has no idea about our S, and I would appreciate it if he would keep it that way.

His response: "I agree, I already look like a total schmuck!"

Ummmm, yes. Yes you do! ( I did not text that, but I wanted to!) I chose not to respond to his text. But, really, what would I reply, any way??

As furious as I was that I had to break my silence, his last comment made up for it as far as I'm concerned.

My friend now has his current number so this particular situation shouldn't happen again.

Back to living my life!!!

Thank you, AS!

I've already decided to do it, but just wanted to make sure it's not a knee-jerk reaction! Although I really really like the comforter I found.

Off to Home Depot for primer and paint!!!

Major victory for me again today!!!

Got a text from H cuz he needs to come get some of his tools. When I saw it my heart rate didn't change AT ALL!!!!

(Keeping in mind in the recent past it would race out of my chest, and right after he left I would burst into tears whenever I saw his name on my phone)

Full speed ahead!

BTW: I'm going to make sure I'm not here when he stops by...