Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 2S2Q - Bring it on, 2014!!!

Good luck with it. It sounds like a positive day from what you've described. Just remember to keep it at a reasonable pace and work to make things last.

2S2Q, I am happy for you. I hope things continued looking up for you and your W!

This sounds very positive.

Well it's been a while since I posted an update. It's been a week and a half since we really spoke. She came to the house once to bring D to an activity. Quick chat about kids, she showed me her Facebook movie and honestly...it grossed me out.

It was nothing but her and her friends...just tons of them. No pics of the kids, not even one. I popped up in one of the pics and she had to open her stupid mouth when it appeared "some of these are so random". *vomits*

Do you know what phrase pops in my head these days? "She's just not into you". I mean seriously. She's given me a variety of reason for this S, enough for any time of day. It started with "You're not a husband to me, you're just a friend". The latest? "There was no passion between us". And I re-read that last text message she sent me. It wasn't nice, I was just reading it with rose-colored glasses. It says "Maybe we will rekindle the passion. I don't know..." *dry heaves until something comes out*.

I even googled "She's not into you" and found an interesting list.

1. Message in A Message
You call her, you leave a voicemail, and she texts you back. If she really wanted to reach out and touch someone, she would have rung you. Check! She's screened plenty of calls and replied in a text

2. Conflict of Interests
Sure, everyone has a busy schedule, but it’s the quality of the excuse that counts. If it’s, “I have to clean my apartment,” she doesn’t want to get dirty with you. Check! I've always felt that if I EVER made the mistake of getting hit by a bus on Zumba night, she'll see me at the funeral.

3. Private Eyes
Whether you’re having dinner for two or getting down on the dance floor, if she’s not looking at you, she’s not looking for you.
Check!

4. Please
You’re generous in the sack. She doesn’t return the favor. That’s the only clue you need. Now, no. But before the S, getting her to ML was like trying to wake the dead.

5. Easy Access
At a party, if she’s talking to Joe Schmo and Wendy Whatsherface more than she’s chatting with you, you’re nothing special to her. Check! In fact she'll talk to anyone for hours about anything but she shuts up the moment I try to conversate.

6. Rider’s Block
You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to get her to give you the time of day. If you have plans, and she invites other people along, it’s time to say bye-bye. Double check. She has 0 time for me. Had none for years. Her a-hole friends? All the time in the world.

7. Friend in Deed
She tells you what her friends think about you — and it’s not all good. This level of regurgitation is TMI and intended to drive you out the door. Check. I've heard how her friends were very into this S and told her not to try marriage counselling. And apparently at least one other friends thinks I'm a racist a-hole (I may be an a-hole...that's up for interpretation... but not really racist, no).

8. Cuddle Monster
She has sex with you, but that’s it. She’s using you. Say adios — unless that’s all you want, too. Check. Last time we ML, she insisted it had to be at a hotel and she needed to go ASAP once we were done.

9. Multiple Choice
If she so much as mentions other sexy guys, you have to forget her — because she won’t forget about them. She never did this one, but she did tell me once a while back that if she was single, she'd be whoring it up and sleeping&partying with all kinds of guys.

10. Dressed to Kill
From lipstick to low-cut tops, if she never uses any of the tricks of the lady trade to look her best for you, she doesn’t think you’re worth her effort. Check. It was this way before she left.

Why am I telling you this? I just see it now. She's not into me. It's not like we had one fight too many about my drinking and cheating or something, she just doesn't want me.

Not bragging but I've been approached by women now. I'm not some romeo, but I'm attractive and they've been told me why they're into me. I'm told I'm handsome, funny, adventurous, interesting and apparently it's impressive that I have a good relationship with my step kids to the point one visits a lot and the other lives with me full time...but she doesn't think so. I'm just a friend, there's no passion...

I don't know what to fix here. I'd rather ML with a person who wants to spend the night to be honest with you. Is this crazy? Is this quitting?

Quite an interesting read. I don't think it's a reason to quit but a reason to refocus. I suppose it's getting back to the idea that you live life for you but when she's around, you're the bees knees. It sounds like you're in a decent position to try that out.

Was that all that was on that list? I'm curious to read more if there is.

Yes, that's the full list. I'm on the road now but I'll get the link if you want it.

I see what you mean. For sure it's more of the same solution. Detach, GAL. I just see though that I'm getting to a point that more detaching means moving on.

Maybe yes, maybe no. Our situations were similar for a brief period and now seem to be diverting slightly however the list you found applies to me too. Right now, I'm getting mixed messages from my wife, kind of like she accepts that we're together but I'm not who she wants me to be (still figuring that out to be honest) but she's definitely not into me in a romantic way. My point is that I have a chance and whilst I can only go from what I read, I believe you do too. Detaching is the way to go for all of us but as I've read in other threads, you need only move on if you decide it's right for you.

2S2Q, sorry about the recent events. It does sound like your W doesn't know what she is doing from day to day. What happened after that text about rekindling the passion and saying "I love you"? Do you think that was just her keeping you on the hook, or did you get the sense she really might want to work things out?

You can detach and move forward, without moving on.

That text, I retread it. I don't see a want to reconcile anymore. I read someone who at best doesn't know. Still loves me but not in love with me. Still has no time for me and doesn't want to make it. Still deflects with excuse after excuse.

I mean come on. "I lost the passion"? I gave her 14 years as best I could. I have nothing else to interest her.

Here's the thing. I don't know if I said this before. When we first dated, she was in a bad place. Broke, single mother with no support, lost her job. I think when she saw me she saw a guy that wanted to be there for her. I think she had an idea in her head of what she wanted based on what she needed. I think that when she stopped needing, I didn't make sense anymore. Maybe I'm full of crap. It just seems that way right now.

2S2Q, I get it. My lie is very similar. We each have times when we feel like we need to walk away. I did I yesterday, but I'm still having a rough time with it.

My W also was a single mom and broke when I met her. I was her "knight in shining armor" hen that wasn't needed anymore and I would keep getting more stuff and didn't want to but the horse farm she always wanted, she left. She'd say differently, but the timing was pretty much what I just said. and she hasn't bee "into me " for a lon time. No matter how much I played the part of the doting dad or perfect H.