Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Back home, having a very hard time!!!

It's a good thing I have a D. Let's just leave it at that.

A very difficult situation. For which I have no answers. However you have to do what is best for you. What I have learnt through this process is to take some time out for yourself. To let the initial panic/frustration/horror pass, and to think of the longer term consequences of your confrontation. I am not saying don't do anything, but think carefully about what you say and how you say it.

Perhaps consider "acting" like a good husband. Go on a date. Remind her of how good you can be to her. do something fun, make her laugh. Give her something else to think about.

Others may disagree, I am just giving a little food for thought...

As much as I might want to I would never do anything to jeopardize the future I have with my D. I just hope it doesn't come down to her having to grow up knowing what her mommy did. It makes me want to cry thinking about that possible reality.

indigo,

You ok? I was travelling for a few days and read your whole thread last night. Really worried about you and your family, clearly you are in a bad frame of mind. I get why, but any way you can get away for a day and do something fun? Are you exercising? Also, are you guys seeing an MC? You guys have some major issues you need to be able to discuss in a neutral, non-judgmental way or you won't be able to rebuild trust to move forward.

CB

I called W out on it the night before last. It was after she got back home and I couldent take it anymore. We were sitting there and her phone got a text from OM of course. I simply said I can't do this anymore, I can't sit here and live a lie. W of course tries to deny it at first but finally admitted to texting him.

W claims that he has been a family friend forever and he helped her out a lot while we were separated. That he is back working on his M as well. That they are just friends. I don't know and prolly never will know everything. Yesterday was so much better for me. I felt like this huge wait was lifted from my shoulders. No more snooping around for me. I'm going to trust what my W said and try to be happy.

I just hope it won't come back and bite me in the xxx. I do know that the way I was acting pretending that I did not know was only hurting the way my W viewed me. I'm going to put a smile on my face and be happy. If W wants to join me so be it.

Please just say what you want. I would seriously like to know.

I'll say it here. Your W is playing you.

She says she wants to work things out, yet she texts the OM constantly. You haven't given her any boundaries. Texting that much goes way beyond friendship.

Either there is to be no contact or no you. She has to respect that. Right now she doesn't respect you at all. I can almost guarantee that he's going to string her along and then she's going to be so emotionally attached to him that she's going to leave you. Her excuse will be that it "just happened". Total BS.

I don't want to completely paint the wrong picture. This is the only problem right now. W and I hug and kiss often. I'm not the only one that initiates this. We sit on the couch together and watch tv while I hold her. I do agree though it seems like a big problem.

Going back when we were still separated I took W on a short trip. While on the trip OM texted her. At that time it was under his name. It really bothered me and W as she had in the past said he was nothing to worry about. My response was why dont you just change his damn contact to another name so if it happens I don't know.

I put that idea in W's head and she even brought that up when I asked if she thought I was stupid and didn't know it was him texting. I also asked if he is working on his M does his W know he texts you all the time? My W was honest and did not hesitate to tell me no. She said that is their deal not ours to worry about

So basically I know the OM''s intentions. It's my W that has me so lost. Why tell me that tid bit? Why bring up renewing our vows and stuff if she is emotionally attached to OM? She has no reason to stringe me along? I was already out of the house, why ask me to come home if she is into OM. She had the chance to do w/e she wanted. It would seem not to be a matter of OM not willing to leave his W for mine. From where I'm standing he clearly would. Unless working on his M means texting my W all day long.

I am not in denial folks. This is bothering me a lot. I have calmed down and am trying to look at it from every angle.

Sorry indigo. I have to agree with the above. Sounds like your W is having a serious bout with cake eating and you are denying that its happening. Until OM is out of the picture completely, there cannot be reconciling. PERIOD.