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3, I think it is great that you won't see your H for a whole week. I feel like you and I are in similar situations, with seeing our H multiple times a week . . . and it makes it really hard to constantly be in the middle of our sitches. My time away a few weeks ago was so refreshing, I hope that it will do wonders for you, too.

H forwarded me an article today that was written about him and his business. He sent the article because a picture of S5 was included in the article. It was cute to see S5 in the magazine. After looking at the pic, I read through the article. My H talked about how he was hospitalized two years ago and was thinking about his life and what he wanted to do with it. It talks about how his illness propelled him to make a change with his business. It then goes on to talk about how he started this new business and that it has been a success. Of course, H mentions that he started the business with BIL and the OW.

Instead of responding to my H and writing what I really feel, I figured I would write it here: "This is exactly why we cannot be friends. You send me an article that pretty much says that your illness caused you to wake up and make changes in your life. I know that you were focusing on your changes with your job, but that was also the exact same time that you checked out of our marriage. Without letting me know, you said goodbye to me and replaced me with the OW. She is now your right hand woman in your business and your life. While we will always co-parent our boys, you and I are nothing. Although it is hard to read, it is just another reminder that I need to detach. Another reminder that I DESERVE so much better."

It may not seem that way based on my recent posts, but I really am getting so much stronger. A future on my own does not seem as scary as it did before. I used to question whether I will ever be truly happy again. While I am not there yet and still have a long way to go, I know that I will be happy again.

Oh 3, that is a gut punch. My C says people that are acting out in this way are 'unconscious' to their lives and behavior. We often refer to my H during my sessions in terms of 'waking up'. Once they work through their issues, they begin to wake up and see reality. I believe that's the same thing we refer to on here as getting through the fog. It's hard to be conscious in our lives and actively improve ourselves and then see our H still in a bad place.

My C told me that the BD caused me to wake up in our M while it has caused H to further become unconscious so that he does not have to bear his burden. Waking up causes them to see all the damage they've done. She warned me that H may never wake up or it may be 10 years from now, could be a month. The unknown is such a heartbreaker and in the meantime, to get sent an article from H with such insensitivities just shows how in the fog/unconscious he really is.

A week away could do you wonders. I feel like I need the same thing. I know you're becoming stronger. I love that you wrote your response here to get out your frustrations. You are very disciplined.

Oh jeez, 3. There is that missing sensitivity chip again.

We have talked about these kinds of things before - reminders that we deserve better. Maybe we should start looking at these things as a blessing . . . they allow us to see more clearly instead of putting H on a pedestal. They help remove that desperate feeling that we want/need our Hs back.

3, you have had some posts lately that show you are having a rough time, but we all do, and I think it's pretty obvious based on your posts on your own thread and others' that you are strong and smart, and you WILL be happy.

Blues's C made a good point . . . none of us have any idea when or even whether our Hs will see things more clearly, let alone do the work they need to do on themselves.

Just another reason you should have an awesome time in Vegas.

Hi 3. Read through your situation.

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling.It is hard to understand why your H would send the article...my H will do things like send texts about different things...I want to say Why tell me?

I'm not the best at advices but I feel like everyones' post do give me some insight into my own situation and give me hope that there are strong people out there. Hang in there.

Things keep getting worse. I am lost at the moment and just not sure what to do.

H asked to come over to see the kids for a few minutes to play in the snow. I told him that was ok. This was my first mistake of the day. It was not H's day to see the kids. Of course he swoops in and takes the kids to a better sledding place and he gets to be the fun daddy. It was my own fault because I have not been keeping my boundaries in place and now they mean nothing. So I was mad at myself about that.

Then when H was here, he mentioned that he had made plans for himself and bil that were quite expensive. H had just given me a lecture last week about how we need to watch what we are spending, etc. I pretty much lost it because I am so tired of his one sided criticisms. I spend money on the kids and the house and he makes me feel bad. Yet he can spend a lot of money on a fun outing with no second thought. I told h that I really don't care about the money but that I care that he yells at me but the same thing does not apply to him. I am just tried of getting the crappy part of my H. As Melissa said on another thread, I am getting the left over moldy pieces of cheese cheese and they are making me sick. Yet I am clearly desperate because I keep eating the moldy pieces of cheese that he throws my way.

This lead to a huge relationship discussion. I am not sure what even came out of the discussion other than my H still wants the best of both worlds (to be friends with me and the OW) and that he is not ready to get divorced. The only thing that I know is that our current situation has gotten me stuck and caused me to backslide over the past couple of weeks. I am not sure what to do or what changes if any I need to make for myself. I feel so lost.

I think the fact that it has been six months is causing me to spin a bit despite the fact that I KNOW that six months is nothing and that this journey will be so much longer. I know that H and the OW are taking a business trip together next month which is causing me to lose it a bit as well. It bothers me that h just booked another trip so that we will be gone three weekends in a row. He has no problem not seeing the kids for three weekends in a row when it suits him but then complains that he does not get enough time with them and asks to see them on my days.

Hopefully I will be heading out of town tomorrow for a few days (if my flight is not canceled) and can clear my head. I am in desperate need of some advice. Ivn seriously a

You're OK, 3. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are.

You let H come over when it wasn't his day. You realized that was a mistake and it didn't make you feel good. Let it go. (Also, try not to think of it as H getting to be fun Daddy, think of it as your sweet boys having a good time.)

The R talk revealed that nothing has really changed. You can think about that when you get back from your trip. For now, get excited about it, and PLEASE make sure you use the time to relax, have fun, and put your H and your sitch out of your mind.

Hopefully some distance will give you some much needed clarity. Fingers crossed that your flight departs as scheduled!

Thanks M! I know that I will be able to pick myself up and get back on track. Just feel like I am drowning a little at the moment.

Since I could not sleep, I spent quite a few hours thinking about what I want and why I am so stuck. The bottom line is that my H does not add anything positive to my life. I really cannot have a relationship with him on any level (besides as co-parents) until he is done with the OW. I have known this for months now. I tried to establish that boundary back in November. My H realized that I was pulling away and tried to pull me back in. I allowed him to suck me back and to feel like things may have changed. Nothing changed. My H did not want me, he just wanted to have the option to have me if his current life did not pan out.

I know that I can cut down on our communication. I am just not sure what to do with our family day on Sunday. My kids live for Sundays. They ask if it is Sunday yet so that Mommy and Daddy will be together with them. It will break their heart (and in turn mine) if I stop this. I am not sure what to do about this yet.

The good thing is that I have five days that I don't need to interact with H at all. Five days to be just me. I am bringing some exercise clothes to hit up the gym and run out some of this frustration.

M - I will try my best to put my H and our sitch out of my mind. Thanks so much for your support. It means so much to know there are complete strangers cheering you on!

AHH..some good news. I just realized that since my H booked himself three trips in a row, he will not be home on a Sunday until the very end of February. So I don't need to worry about family days for four weeks. An entire month of just having to exchange the kids with H during the week and nothing else. A month to really detach and get myself back on track. A month to focus on myself and the kids.

Nice! A month will do you wonders!!!! Yay!

About Alanon- GO! I went for the first time this past weekend, and there is not an alcohol or drug issue in my sitch. Alanon is about detaching your well being from someone else's behavior. Yes, most people are there because of alcohol, but nobody is going to ask you about your situation.

Everything you hear will ring true! And you can donate money (a dollar, five dollars...whatever you want), because they depend on donations to keep going.

Hang in there!