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Thank you for that.

Yes, I seem to do well and think I am making improvements for me "working on me, not on us" I was telling myself... and then he goes distant randomly and I fall apart and get depressed and clingy... I am still working out - but like today at work, couldn't focus at all.

Contacted a therapist today...

Good idea, and try a DB coach as well.

I'd love to. Can't afford it.

I sort of think some of this is a MLC. He's only 35 but talks a lot about how young he was to have kids, missed his 20's etc. He got a bunch of guy friends from an MMA gym that he goes to in the last couple of years, and I would say that's when things got rockier... some are 20 somethings, divorced with older kids so have a lot of freedom, or childless...

I just thought of another thing he says pretty regularly when I GAL, which consists mainly of working out... "Guess you are working on your plan B" (said sarcastically, not sad or anything like that) he talks a lot about my "plan b". I told him I have no plan B and I'm focusing on working on my plan A.

When I asked him what his plan B was he said "A beautiful woman called SOLITUDE!"

Question for anyone who has been doing this for awhile?

I really need to figure out how to 180/LRT/GAL while he's still living in the home, participating for the most part, interacting for the most part, not doing anything particularly different other than the emotional withdrawal and sleeping separation....

Help?

Hard to say. To start, have you read the 37 rules?

I have. I'm bad with the texting one the others I did in the past but have stopped now.

My W did the same things as you say above. Slept separately came and went as pleased and basically lived like a house guest. Even the kids were mad about it.
Despite my efforts to GAL and do other things she continued to drift away. I believe that ultimately, your spouse must choose you. I wrote that to her. I told her I could see how separately we had been living. I asked her if we could work together to change thst...She bolted.

Sometimes things have to run their course and nothing you say of do changes that. What I see now is that GAL and the other rules are for YOU. if your H takes note, great. If not, you're. Going to survive and get better. Keep reading and posting. I grow each time I do.

The first thing you have to do (and I thought I was doing it for a long time, but only recently finally really got it) is stop trying to control your H.

The 37 rules are basically a guideline on how to give your H the time and space he wants. They will not fix your M or make your H want to stay in it. What will most likely happen, if you follow them consistently, is your H will feel less pressure to run away.

180ing is easy when you are living in the same house. Identify where you need to be making these changes, and make them. Watch and see what effect the changes have. This is something you can be constantly working on and adjusting, with lots of feedback since your H is right there.

GAL is for you. And you certainly can do it while he is living there. What do you do to take care of yourself, mentally and physically? Do you have someone who can watch your kids sometimes? Does your H still participate in that? i.e., can you say, I'm going out tomorrow night, can you watch the kids?

You pretty much want to just get out of his way so that he can have the space to figure out his own head without you in his face all the time. But, you aren't going to sit around and wait for him to do that. You need to take care of yourself. Make the changes in yourself that you want to make - even if they have nothing to do with your H or your M. Find activities that give you joy and make you feel good.

A couple of people asked me recently . . . what would you be doing if your H wasn't in the picture? Imagine yourself being happy without your H - what are you doing in that vision? Whatever it is, do it now.

And stop texting him unless it's necessary.