Well I did it. I went to a dance club by myself. Went on the dance floor by myself. I hated it LOL! But I learned something. I want to be a person who can come alone or with a friend and approach strangers to dance. It was fun now that I'm back even if it was for just an hour.
When I think of how I am now compared to the first time when I took my kids to a zoo and came home fighting to not cry, I'm pretty proud of myself.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
GALing definitely becomes easier! I remember forcing myself to go do GAL things, and spending the entire time feeling awful with a pit in my stomach, and just wanting to go home and hide from myself.
Now I look forward to my GAL activities (esp. exercise) - they are rejuvenating and a time to be in the moment rather than obsessing over my sitch and my H.
Good for you for pushing through your fear and doing something way outside your comfort zone!
Hope everyone enjoyed their GALing this weekend.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I have to put this out there, mostly I just need a show of hands to see if I screwed up.
So I had told myself all week I wasn't going to get any Valentines day c.r.a.p or text her or anything like that...well of course I'm full of c.r.a.p and last night I bought flowers. Nothing huge and overly romantic, no card, no message, just some flowers.
I stopped by her place this morning to drop them off. She liked them; smiled, said thank you, kisses on the cheek. We chatted about the kids. She obviously put no thought into this day at all. I didn't expect anything anyway so that's ok. I made no attempt to ask her for time tonight and she made no offers.
She called me later during the day to talk about kid stuff and mentioned at the end of the call she really liked them and it made her day...and again no attempt to reciprocate or make time ...as I expected anyway.
I did this because it would have bugged me if I didn't. I still have feelings for her (if anyone knows how to switch that off, please let me know) and I like doing this kind of stuff. It's not out of character, I always did this before she left too.
Was this a mistake? I'm told I was too nice and shouldn't have done it.
To be honest, all it did for me was highlight how the end is near and I'll probably be making the first move towards D in a few months. Her latest "there was no passion" comment is still ringing so loud in my brain.
It's clear to me now. She's not into me, she hadn't been for a long time. Her decision to marry me was a functional one. Now that I no longer serve that function, her post-cancer "life is too short" mentality just couldn't allow her to continue with this marriage.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
2S2Q . . . how do you feel about it? Do you feel like you did what you wanted to do, and you are OK with it? Or did you maybe notice later that you thought you hadn't attached any expectations to it, but you kinda sorta did?
Think about it. Were you testing the waters to see what your W would do? Or were you just giving them to her out of the kindness of your heart? (It could be both, too.)
Add me to the list of wanting to know how to switch off feelings. I'd give an arm and a leg for that tutorial.
I've decided I will buy flowers for myself today. Because I know with 100% certainty that I will appreciate them and appreciate the person who gave them to me. Then I will reciprocate by giving myself a massage appointment. It's a win-win.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I actually expected her to react negatively. I did this because I wanted to, I knew she wasn't going to do anything in return. I wanted to express myself, that's all. I'd feel worst if I hadn't done it. Of course there's a part of me that hoped for more but I knew it wasn't going to happen.
That was a good idea spoiling yourself like that.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Add me to the list of wanting to know how to switch off feelings. I'd give an arm and a leg for that tutorial.
LOL, Me too, when does that class start. I just found out my WAW is having either EA or PA and I still cant shut the switch off.
2S2Q- I dont think you did anything wrong. It sounds like WAW took it well. BUT That's it for the day. No more gifts, texting, calling, following etc etc. GOT IT. Let her be the one to call, text or reach out to you.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
2S2Q, I totally understand what you mean. I did that for Christmas. In my case though I think it was pursuing. She waited till I left the house to read the card, then didn't acknowledge the gift for 2 days after. Being the glutton for punishment that I was I HAD to ask about it and she replied Oh yeah! thanks!
If you are going to practice detachment I would think you would have to not do that anymore. I think as time passes and you keep giving gifts eventually you will look for a positive reaction. If you don't get one it will crush you.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
