Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis bent not broken

Plan to talk with h this weekend. I gave him my agenda of what I want to discuss.

I said nothing of R talk or D.

Isaid we need to discuss boys- academics, college visits, plans for summer. We need to discuss getting a car for s.
I want to give him my school schedule and discuss plans for d for summer( I will have summer school)
I see my IC today.

We never talk and these are items that need to be discussed.

Something just occurred to me last night, h's dad died of cancer when h and I were in college. s20 is in his 2nd yr of college.
Reading Wonka's posts have been helpful...

can someone tell me what has happened to the virtues of honesty, commitment, responsibility?

how do children learn commitment?

my dad died when I was six. My mom was never interested in dating. My dad was the love of her life. she was committed to him and her children. all my sibs are in long term marriages.

WBW,

Those values still exist. They exist in YOU.

And you will make sure that your children learn them.

thanks Portia, its true my kids are learning a lot from me on how I am handling this unsettling event in our lives.
Because it is our lives. It is not just about h.

To me that is the hard part accepting. that h wouldn't atleast try and work for his kids sake. No I can't make him do anything.
I know he felt he had 'to run' h doesn't want to look inside. I see him filling that void with the hrs he spends with his job.

His job has enormous responsibility.
he doesn't want to come home at the end of the day to more responsibility. Can't change anything about that... being a parent comes with responsibility.
the job thing, he could change if he wanted... but I truly believe he loves his job and there is a big ego kick that comes with it.
marriage and family just can't compete.

I have a very busy semester ahead. That's good because it will keep me busy , distracted.

I know it will be at times overwhelming. I also know I will take it as it comes, stay organized and not borrow trouble.
The day will always bring choices... do I have time for yoga? should I take a nap? should I go ahead and make the grocery run that needs to be done? there are only so many hrs in the day.

I am still sad for h and what he is missing and giving away.

there was no D talk so I suppose we stay status quo for now. I am ok with that.

Keep using the time WBW for yourself and your life. Remember what Cadet says, we have a gift of time.

I am glad not to deal with D right now on top of everything else...ie my classes. think this will be my hardest semester.

time though has always been an obsession of mine. am I making the most of my time? I hate wasting time. Time is precious!
I am never one to be bored- no time for that!!
I do find myself thinking( stinking thinking, )... I have been standing. 20 months now. I am not getting any younger. And, While I know I am getting better and am rather terrific...

of course its my choice to stand or not, and standing is what I am choosing. No one is twisting my arm to stand.
I make that choice.
I know too though, I want a life partner. I want someone in my life to LOVE me. I want that connection.

time is used for me and kids right now. Yes, busting. today I keep my focus there.
stay in the present.

:-) I'm gonna stay right there in the present with you

after reading some posts and thinking about my own sit. I have done nothing different.
H said we were on parallel paths. h thinks we were too busy to notice and he just grew apart. I was doing all the kid stuff. H was working.
I am still doing all the kid stuff and h is still working.
The only difference is I no longer have his underlying support. and well there is the ow and the fact that he moved out and filed

I continue to be nice to h. I don't know status of ow. I don't ask.
he is cake eating in as far as he does get his freedom and gets to see the kids when it is convenient for him.

Perhaps it is time for me to think about a more permanent visitation schedule. it won't work though.
I don't want to rock the boat.
Nothing new on D and I seem content to stay in limbo.

Why does it have to be so dang hard?

I've been asking myself that same question Will. Why does it have to be so hard???

Yesterday, I was telling my mom how I was looking forward to some tech writing because it comes fairly easy to me. She said, "Good! You are due for some easy."

I agree. I think we are all due some easy on these boards. Truly, truly, this has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

We will get there.

Lots of love to you,

Heather

h wants to talk on Saturday while d is with a friend.

Need to stay present and not worry, but also need to run scenarios thru my head in as far as what I say.. really know I should listen. We have got to communicate though.