Listen...here are some basic DB 101 tenets you'll need to go by going forward:
1) No pressuring W in any shape, form or manner 2) Stop talking to the ILs about W. It just muddies the waters unnecessarily 3) Do come here to post draft emails, texts for feedback BEFORE you send them. Not because you can't do it. It is because you are new to all of this and we vets can help you avoid some pitfalls along the way. This is until you become quite adept at it.
Always ask yourself this question:
Will this action, behavior, words bring me closer to my goal?
Your W unwittingly gave you a wrapped gift when she sent you that text. She is appealing for your support and attention. So grab it and show her the awesome BH! Be sure to that what you do does not fall into the rescue or fix it category. See the difference?
I don't expect much. After the last text from her (the one I posted) it seemed like a bit more of a goodbye. She was pissed too. It all looks pretty grim.
I'm trying to work with time and patience. I believe that will help. I slip here and there.
For the next period of time I would suggest that you apply the 48-hour rule.
It is very simple: Every single time you feel like doing something in regards of your W and your sit you simply wait at least 48 hours.
Will this action, behavior, words bring me closer to my goal?
While I totally agree with Wonka on this one, I also know how hard it can be to jugde this. Your sit is very young and things that you think will help, might in fact do the opposite. So before doing anything ask for advice in here and apply 48.
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
I started packing the house not long ago. Shes told friends she wasn't coming back here unless it was from her stuff. It hurts to see these things. And whichever direction we go it will have to be done. If we were to be together again it won't happen here. My ILs own the house and we lived here as part of the job I have. I was trying to get to the end of January before I made any big decisions, I want to be in a better emotional state.
You don't have to unpack the house just because W emotionally left the M for the time being. We've all heard the typical WAS speech that "they're never coming back" and they DO after their affairs die down. Stay the course as you've only been at this for a month.
You're in no state to make any big decisions. I get that you're in a world of hurt right now. You are acting on your emotions instead of with your head.
I bet that the ILs haven't said anything about the house. Right? Then stop packing up the house. It is defeatist thinking on your part. Step away from the packing boxes and nobody gets hurt.
They didn't talk much yesterday. W left to OM. She is going to talk today. She mentioned to W that I need to be there, W didn't say anything. MIL wants us to try again, another chance. But isn't sure she will while with OM.
