I would suggest that you stop talking with MIL about your marriage from here and on. These types of talks really can muddy waters and make W feel ashamed.
Look past the OM and never bring up his name to W.
When W texted you this:
"Have fun in your life. I hope it's great. My mom loves you and hates me so that's great. I just got an ultimatum. So now I'm out of the house. I'm done. I have NOTHING TO MY FUC%ING NAME. Take care. "
Have you responded back to her yet? If not, then I'd suggest that you use this script:
It seems that you're are feeling overwhelmed right now and feeling pressure from your Mom. I am sure you can figure this out. Take care of yourself.
See now your W is not just walking out on you - she is (according to the text) walking out on her family. Does this give you a clearer picture of how determined she is? Who do you think she will blame for loosing her family?
Do you by the text W send you think that your MIL knows how to talk to W and do you expect MIL to sort out this for you?
She is feeling pressure and hurt and she will try to get away from this. The only way she sees right now is away from you and now also MIL so she will run - WASes run fast!
AND: If you and/or MIL succeeds in putting pressure on her so she stays - how secure will you feel in an R with her in the days and weeks to come?
(I am sorry if I come out harsh in any way!!! - I am just trying to paint a picture for you!)
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
It's almost midnight where I am so I am soon of to bed since I have to take my daughter to school in the morning.
BH, I am not totally up to speed on your sit but IMO you should read through your own threads from start to end right now and then start applying the advice given to you from VETs.
One of the things stated in DR by MWD is that she can’t tell you what will work but she can tell what won’t work and I believe that what you have been and are doing isn’t working. You need to change the way you look at this!
You have been going through what many of us LBHs go through but NOW is the time to end this. Your W is IMO running and she is hurt. You need to back off!
The people in here and the VETs that have advised you during the last 6 weeks or so, know what they are talking about and to be totally honest – you don’t! I was in that exact spot 10 months ago! Apply the advice given to you and start doing it now!
- Back of your W and give her time and space. - Stop searching for the trick/magic wand that will solve this instantly. It doesn’t exits and neither W friends nor your MIL will either. They might be able to pressure W back to you – but you do not want that!! You want W to come back – because she wants to HERSELF! - Stop reading marriage books! Focus on DR and DB – study them and when you have done that then start reading books about subjects you want to be better at. Being a man, a farther, a better human being, a better listener…what ever. - Do the 180s! You have prior written about your flaws. Focus on these and change in these areas if you feel like it!
But first of all – BACK OFF – you are pushing her further away! She needs her own time now. That is the only thing you should give to her: Time and space! Leave her alone for now.
Study and live Sandi2s rules. All have been said before – DO IT!
…and keep on posting! We are here to support you and you will get guidance in here.
All the best! F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Why, why??!! Why would you call MIL? It is not for you to snoop and get info on your W through this backhand way. Stop! It isn't helping you, W, or your M at all. Back off on MIL.
If you do talk with MIL, I'd keep the call short and inquire after FIL's health. That would have been the extent of the call to MIL.
Very well said. BH, anytime you want to call/text W or MIL reread this:
Originally Posted By: Fartiltre
It's almost midnight where I am so I am soon of to bed since I have to take my daughter to school in the morning.
BH, I am not totally up to speed on your sit but IMO you should read through your own threads from start to end right now and then start applying the advice given to you from VETs.
One of the things stated in DR by MWD is that she can’t tell you what will work but she can tell what won’t work and I believe that what you have been and are doing isn’t working. You need to change the way you look at this!
You have been going through what many of us LBHs go through but NOW is the time to end this. Your W is IMO running and she is hurt. You need to back off!
The people in here and the VETs that have advised you during the last 6 weeks or so, know what they are talking about and to be totally honest – you don’t! I was in that exact spot 10 months ago! Apply the advice given to you and start doing it now!
- Back of your W and give her time and space. - Stop searching for the trick/magic wand that will solve this instantly. It doesn’t exits and neither W friends nor your MIL will either. They might be able to pressure W back to you – but you do not want that!! You want W to come back – because she wants to HERSELF! - Stop reading marriage books! Focus on DR and DB – study them and when you have done that then start reading books about subjects you want to be better at. Being a man, a farther, a better human being, a better listener…what ever. - Do the 180s! You have prior written about your flaws. Focus on these and change in these areas if you feel like it!
But first of all – BACK OFF – you are pushing her further away! She needs her own time now. That is the only thing you should give to her: Time and space! Leave her alone for now.
Study and live Sandi2s rules. All have been said before – DO IT!
…and keep on posting! We are here to support you and you will get guidance in here.
All the best! F
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
