So I have been trying to keep busy and, if not busy, spending my time by the pool or on the beach. I have had almost no contact with my W. Christmas Day, I sent her a simple email wishing her a Merry Christmas. She replied in kind, but didn't sign her email. There has been no contact since. I keep oscillating from rising early for a long walk to sleeping in until lunch. Some days I just feel numb. Other days I feel the paralysis of despair. Who and what awaits me when I return gnaws at me. Will she harden or soften her position? I write here to avoid sharing my fears with her. I chat with friends who provide emotional support. None of it feels like enough.
I think she is being snarky because she is trying to get a rise out of you, and it's not working. You are not behaving in the same old way you would have in the past and she is confused by it. As 2 said, it won't fit her story of thinking she is doing the right thing.
I would agree with MrC, that maybe a small type of gift or random act towards her, might be the thing YOU need to do. Give you some relief. But do it with no expectation of her reacting nicely or even thanking you for it. Do it because you want to. We can't always stand by and feel like we are doing nothing.
Lift your heavy heart my friend and Choose Happy.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I might get shot down here but I think a random act of kindness wouldn't hurt. Maybe a muffin... A candy... A coffee or tea...
I think a gift of food is a low key thing. I don't think it is pressuring. Flowers or a tangible item might be.
How about an invite from the cat for some rubbies and dinner?
Just thinking out loud...
I like the cat approach as that is something she has been comfortable with in the past. I will be sure to try it when we get back from our respective holidays.
I think she is being snarky because she is trying to get a rise out of you, and it's not working. You are not behaving in the same old way you would have in the past and she is confused by it. As 2 said, it won't fit her story of thinking she is doing the right thing.
I would agree with MrC, that maybe a small type of gift or random act towards her, might be the thing YOU need to do. Give you some relief. But do it with no expectation of her reacting nicely or even thanking you for it. Do it because you want to. We can't always stand by and feel like we are doing nothing.
Lift your heavy heart my friend and Choose Happy.
Always glad to hear from you PM. I did give her a framed picture of the cat and a book about gluten intolerance before I left. Actually, I left them for her in her work mailbox, no expectations. She has not acknowledged them or thanked me for them, but it felt good to leave them for her. I feel like the better person and I got to leave her with a positive before we went our separate ways for the holidays.
"I'm sorry you feel that way", after hearing that a few times, it can come off as just being apologetic for the sake of agreeing. It also tends to be taken as a weakness. She knows how you feel, don't keep apologizing, not that you have, but be careful with its use.
I like "I understand why you feel that way" better. It shows that your listening, that you've taken her aspect into account. And there is no weakness in it either.
Theres some positive signs in your story I think. Its not uncommon that it can take 2 years for things to turn. Live life, detach best you can, and give it more time.
I am rooting for you, grasshopper... I hope your holiday was awesome.
Everyone here helps keep me going. I have been soaking up the pool and beach. I have met some interesting guests and employees at the hotel. The people who work the front desk, the restaurant, and the bar call me by my first name. I have had conversations that lasted for hours. I had one evening where I was alone in the hotel hot tub with a very attractive and younger woman, long after the pool closed. It started out as talking about life and relationships when she made it clear she... let's just say she wanted something more. I did not take her up on her offer. It felt good to be desirable, but my heart still belongs to my W and I just can't even entertain the idea right now. I have treated myself to some nice meals and have even gone to the movies twice, something I haven't done nearly all year. One movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, was not profound, but it seemed appropriate for my sitch.
"I'm sorry you feel that way", after hearing that a few times, it can come off as just being apologetic for the sake of agreeing. It also tends to be taken as a weakness. She knows how you feel, don't keep apologizing, not that you have, but be careful with its use.
I like "I understand why you feel that way" better. It shows that your listening, that you've taken her aspect into account. And there is no weakness in it either.
Theres some positive signs in your story I think. Its not uncommon that it can take 2 years for things to turn. Live life, detach best you can, and give it more time.
I like that. I have cut way back on the apologies (a stage that came after pleading), but having something to say, something that speaks to her is great.
As for positives, I see them. They are often small and temporary, like my wife is peeking out and then goes back into hiding. I guess I depend on these bread comes regularly and I know I shouldn't.
