Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis 2nd time around. H wants D. I don't

Job. I agree with all you said. And return is exactly what he did 7 years later.
That is why I said if he did come around after I began dating I was not sure I'd want to have him back. Yes, I was saying date for your self only..

What he did last time after being gone 8 months after last separation u years ago.

Hey came over to hang out with S13. I was getting ready to go out to dinner with a friend. I was looking good. Ha ha I don't think He even noticed.
I have H a bag of coffee and a Walkman radio he'd been looking for to use at work. He was very appreciative and said thank you twice.
Seemed to be in a good mood.
She wanted to stay at our house to watch a movie and play video games. H said he'd hang out but doesn't have anything here and will be going home...now this is the guy who left with a suitcase and has all the rest of his stuff in the closet and dresser. What ever.
H came to pick S13 up to help a friend (always can help a friend!!) Not me.(before)
Anyway we had a great time and got home @ 3:30. My H won't notice that either. I did hear H ask son is I was still asleep @9:50 and that very unusual for me...it was for me not for him anyway.

I wonder what the percentage of DDers who started of wrong for the 1st month or so have succes Rage, fighting, begging etc. Pushing them more and more away. Now whatever love that there is gone and they actually hate you and don't want anything anything to do with you.

I think most people start sooner and have better results? I think once a man is that beat down and just wants to run as far away as he can??

NAP, I haven’t done any of that, begging, pleading, etc. We had one R conversation where I stated that I didn’t want us to separate and we could work the things out, but it was it. I had NC almost immediately. Here I am, 18 months later and there is not movement one way or another.

BF,

I am sorry to hear that. When I did it 7 years ago we fought for months and H said hates me, done, never again. We never really did NC but I did do 180s. Then I started seeing someone else and there he came. That took 8 mos.
This time I think I am just done. I know what to do but we are fighting like crazy and I can tell this time he is really done with everything.
I am doing 180's now, going out, being happier and doing things with my kids. But H is just angry although says all the time he doesn't want to fight and get along for kids. I can see it really does a toll on him when we fight.
I am really trying now not to rock the boat, agree and very little contact. I need to let him decompress.
One of the problems and nothing I can do about is he has poured himself into work and works 6-7 days a week about 12 hours a day and is really tired. He has no time to mentally relax and think about anything. I am sure that is on purpose.
I need to make friends or be friendly for the kids sake. I am resolved to our marriage being over. I am a little burnt this time around too.
As much as I love him I am ready for a new life.

Both H and myself were invited to a party in 2 weeks. I sent via text the invite. He asked if I was going? I said if you don't mind. H said it's fine can I bring a date? smiley face with tongue out. I said sure! (joking of course)
I asked if they know we spit up. He said he wasn't sure as we have not told people.
I said that would be awkward..H text back that would I won't bring a date. I was meaning awkward if they don't know. H said H friend mentioned it in a text but he didn't reply. I asked then why would they send me the invite on Facebook?

Anyway. I said I won't go and if he really has a date to take her...where is his out of town EA? I really do think they are over?
I am sure he is probably joking and as usual trying to get a rise out of me. My new years resolution is to not fall for it. I was really calm and just went with it....he will notice but is soooo challenging. This is why I fail but NO MORE!

Not trying to challenge him but he doesn't have the guts to take one.

Hey sent a text saying for me to go to parry he's not taking a date
Then said you can bring a date? I said thanks but no date for me too.
For as much of a up a and down every exhausting fighting the last few weeks. This is progress.
When I was invited to the same Xmas party he didn't want me to go. No hesitation this time. I know H really wants to get along and we are both trying
He even said good morning to me when he sent a text..that has been forever! I don't read anything into it it's just progress to getting along! I'll take that for sure!

I has been about a week since out last blow up. We have been very friendly with each other which is a nice change. H hates fighting and the main reason for his unhappiness. He likes to push my buttons and I react..I get mad blowup and yell. I am working VERY hard at this.

H and I usually text back and forth but things get confusing so sometimes he calls and visa versa.

I am going out of town to a funeral with the kids and I asked H if he wanted to stay at the house or I could take the dogs to the kennel. H said he would stay. We had a very friendly 10 min. conversation about it and what was going on with his work. This is old normal. He never asks me about me.

I sent a text later saying thank you for offering to stay and he offered to take us to the airport. H then said he was going to be going through his things taking some and getting rid of some.
I said ok but he didn't have to. H said he had to do it sometime. I replied I guess.... That made me very sad....

Anyway communication is good and the conversation was upbeat. I will do my best to stay on this trail. I will be sure to be looking and acting my best at the party on the 18th!

Since I am not sure if anyone knows about us I am just going to go with it and if it comes up I will have a short answer and not talk about it...

I am struggling about telling my family this weekend. They don't know. My H and I have basically told no one. H family know due to the holidays. Mine live in another state and I really don't feel like telling them now..

I asked my Divorcebusting coach whether I should tell my family and friends and she asked me what my intention was for the relationship. I told her that ideally I hoped we could get through this and work it out. So, it made me think about how to respond to people...

I didn't tell my family we separated but we're close and they could definitely tell I wasn't being the same "me". I just told them husband and I are having some issues we're working through right now, he's depressed because of work, etc.

After six months, I told my parents that he moved in with a friend but they still don't know about the affair or that he moved in with OW.

If we ever do get back together, that would be so incredibly tough for both sides to have to deal with and overcome. I feel that until I know for sure, I don't need to divulge everything and even later, it's ultimately up to me what I want to share about my very personal situation.

I live out of state, so that definitely changes the dynamics as well. My friends back home have NO idea what's going on.

Just go within and give it some thought before you act...to have a sense that you're at peace with it (whatever you decide to do).