First off, let me preface this by saying this isn't a personal attack since you seem to always believe these comments are.
" I can finally parent them exactly how I want without any interference."
That is where you are wrong. Your W also parents them which automatically creates interference. As mentioned before, your kids are going to be stuck in the middle when there is something that you teach them that contradicts what your W does. They are going to feel like they have to choose sides. If possible, IMHO you should at least try to have some level of communication (without resentment) with your W for the kids sake.
She's angry because you never tried seeing her POV and you're angry at her for the same. One person is going to have to stop this cycle from happening for your kids sake. The last thing you want them to do is have a longlasting memory of their mom and dad hating each other.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
//Your W also parents them// For the next 4 months she is physically and emotionally checked out. She is gone. Work consumes her entire focus. She will only see the kids Sunday night. During that time, she will need to catch up on all her personal business and housework. She will be exhausted. The last few years, she has only spoken to the kids for 5-10 minutes over the phone once or twice during the week. She is not parenting.
//this isn't a personal attack since you seem to always believe these comments are.//
Seriously, do you even look at your posts? Here is the post you made, where I responded, asking you to stop making personal attacks:
"Wow. Haven't heard such an offensive and sexist remark like that in long time.
You really don't understand much about relationships. There are some women AND men who just don't see the need for sex. You can tell them that it's their biblical duty or whatever to take care of your needs as you interpret obedience but it's not going to make them want to drop their pants for you.
Oh and I do understand the Christian or other religious POVs on marriage duty and obedience quite thoroughly. I'm pretty sure this isn't what is meant to happen.
TBH, if that is the tone which you took things with your W in the past, I don't know why you're so surprised she's still angry at you.
If any of your 3 daughters told you that they just didn't feel like having sex for their H's (and they have no past hangups or anything) that they need to get on their backs and satisfy their men? I don't think that's what M in a spiritual sense is all about."
In a single post, you criticize me in the following ways:
1) I am sexist and offensive 2) I don't know anything about relationships (The word Stupid comes to mind) 3) My wife's anger is justified because I am such an @ss.
Yes, I view these comments as personal attacks. I think they are unnecessary, and inaccurate. I sincerely wish you would stop. It makes it very difficult for me to carry on a productive discussion with you.
//She's angry because you never tried seeing her POV and you're angry at her for the same.//
I am not sure. I think it is deeper than that. There is tremendous loss in a Divorce. I think the anger on both sides stems from feeling that loss and projecting the blame on the spouse.
" I think it is deeper than that. There is tremendous loss in a Divorce. I think the anger on both sides stems from feeling that loss and projecting the blame on the spouse. "
But in your case the resentment started before D was in play. Like you having her kicked out of church and then talking bad about her in front of the kids. Yes I get that she was talking to the OM in front of them, but there are other ways to handle the situation. Your kids think the world of both you and your W and think that both of you are infallible. You don't need to have them choose sides (and again, I do understand that you aren't actively doing that) by making comments about your W even on these boards. That resentment that you think you might be hiding from them may actually be ringing loud and clear to them.
Again, I'm just strictly talking about your kids and not you or your W. They
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Well, every situation is different. In my case, the OW sought out & stalked my ex. She cheated on her spouse & child. That does not make my ex without fault but OW's h told me she had been going after married men for years.
Maggot made no apology - she flaunted "her prize" she taunted & aggravated, tried to move in on my kids, my friends etc.
This is not someone I want to forgive. She is someone I'd rather forget.
Very true, but my W is very controlling, and for the majority of our marriage, I willingly submitted. Basically, she called the shots. This is the first real opportunity I have to make some changes.
